DLA. think my son is getting ripped of by his dad

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 09:29 AM

well were can i start, me and my son (17yrs) had big fall out before christmas and well he decided he wanted to go live at his dads. my son is registered disabled and at 16 i decided that i would let him have his own dla money to go into his own bank as to learn him about money and paying for things him self .he enjoyed having the freedom and it was giving him so much confidence, just learning him to phone for a pitza using his own card and paying for it with his own money. yes he would run out off money before the week was up but dont we all do that some times.

i dont speak to his dad because he was abusive to me years ago, but my son has just told me that his dad took him to his bank and told my son he had to set up a standing order of £35 to go into his dads bank each week which this is my sons dla money not his.

please tell me this isnt right ? oh forgot to say that my son goes to college , so his dad is getting all the benefits aswell.

**FussyElmo** · 15-03-2012, 09:46 AM

is your ex charging your son £35 a week board? Without knowing the ins and outs of the arrangents its hard to comment.

But then again he is getting the benefits but it is hard to comment without knowing

~Chelle~ · 15-03-2012, 09:46 AM

So he is basically leaving your son with no money

This is definitely not right, especially if he is receiving child benefit on top of that!

Explain to your son that it is not right and that he should not set up any direct debit to his dad's account.

The man is taking advantage of the situation to benefit himself

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by FussyElmo

is your ex charging your son £35 a week board? Without knowing the ins and outs of the arrangents its hard to comment.

But then again he is getting the benefits but it is hard to comment without knowing

yes ,he said its because his rent has gone up,but my son dosnt work and his dad is getting all the normal benefits for him aswell.

his dad is getting , cares allowance + child benefit and child tax credit at a higher rate because of my sons disability and higher rate income support.

**madmamma** · 15-03-2012, 11:22 AM

First of all, giving your son some independence, pointing him in the right direction in how to manage his own finances was brilliant. It's important for all young people to learn that money doesn't grow on trees

However, and please don't think I'm siding with Dad here, I'm really not, prior to him reaching 16 his DLA I presume was kept by you to provide for his care, and you were under no obligation to do what you ultimately did...
Dad is under no obligation to continue what you started IYGWIM
(morally I do think he's wrong, on sooo many levels)

My ex gave our 8yr old DD a mobile for her birthday, she didn't ask for it, didn't need it - she never went anywhere without an adult, and I knew the only reason he got it was to try and interfere with my life as much as possible (pee me off)
When she called me, on her new phone, to let me know what Daddy had got her for her birthday, I showed all the usual enthusiasm I would for her prezzies, and at the same time pointed out it would be staying AT Daddy's (nicely of course)
Daddy came on the phone demanding to know why she couldn't bring it home, so I told him all the reasons above, and pointed out to him that what goes on his house is up to him, what goes on in mine is up to me! Your house, your rules, my house, my rules.
Years later, when DS reached 8 he was so excited coz he'd be getting a mobile phone from Daddy - Daddy on the other hand was huffing and puffing about what does an 8 year old need a mobile phone for - I had the greatest of pleasure pointing out that was exactly what I thought about DD's, and as he'd got it for one he had to get it for the other

but I only got her one to pee you off, yes I know, which is why she wasn't allowed to bring it home

You say at the start of your post, you and DS had a massive row and that ended with him wanting to live with his dad - did your son think the grass would be greener over there and is now realising it isn't?
No I don't think Dad is right, as a result of DS moving in he is now receiving more benefits which I'm sure would be in excess of what his rent rise would be, however, his house, his rules, regardless of whether you agree with them or not.

Hope your son is able to put his point across - maybe with your help
Alternatively, your son may decide that living with mum ain't so bad after all

**breezy** · 15-03-2012, 01:58 PM

DLA is for the person its awarded to, no one else, it is to cover the extra expenses that living with a disability can incurr. Carers allowance is for carers extra expenses incurred through looking after someone with a disability. His dad shouldnt touch DLA.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTax...le/DG_10018702

~Chelle~ · 15-03-2012, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by breezy

DLA is for the person its awarded to, no one else, it is to cover the extra expenses that living with a disability can incurr. Carers allowance is for carers extra expenses incurred through looking after someone with a disability. His dad shouldnt touch DLA.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTax...le/DG_10018702

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by madmamma

First of all, giving your son some independence, pointing him in the right direction in how to manage his own finances was brilliant. It's important for all young people to learn that money doesn't grow on trees

However, and please don't think I'm siding with Dad here, I'm really not, prior to him reaching 16 his DLA I presume was kept by you to provide for his care, and you were under no obligation to do what you ultimately did...
Dad is under no obligation to continue what you started IYGWIM
(morally I do think he's wrong, on sooo many levels)

My ex gave our 8yr old DD a mobile for her birthday, she didn't ask for it, didn't need it - she never went anywhere without an adult, and I knew the only reason he got it was to try and interfere with my life as much as possible (pee me off)
When she called me, on her new phone, to let me know what Daddy had got her for her birthday, I showed all the usual enthusiasm I would for her prezzies, and at the same time pointed out it would be staying AT Daddy's (nicely of course)
Daddy came on the phone demanding to know why she couldn't bring it home, so I told him all the reasons above, and pointed out to him that what goes on his house is up to him, what goes on in mine is up to me! Your house, your rules, my house, my rules.
Years later, when DS reached 8 he was so excited coz he'd be getting a mobile phone from Daddy - Daddy on the other hand was huffing and puffing about what does an 8 year old need a mobile phone for - I had the greatest of pleasure pointing out that was exactly what I thought about DD's, and as he'd got it for one he had to get it for the other

but I only got her one to pee you off, yes I know, which is why she wasn't allowed to bring it home

You say at the start of your post, you and DS had a massive row and that ended with him wanting to live with his dad - did your son think the grass would be greener over there and is now realising it isn't?
No I don't think Dad is right, as a result of DS moving in he is now receiving more benefits which I'm sure would be in excess of what his rent rise would be, however, his house, his rules, regardless of whether you agree with them or not.

Hope your son is able to put his point across - maybe with your help
Alternatively, your son may decide that living with mum ain't so bad after all

i know its his house his rules but my sons dla is nothing to do with his dad its my sons money,ive phoned the dla up and they said that the police should be informed because its theft.

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by breezy

DLA is for the person its awarded to, no one else, it is to cover the extra expenses that living with a disability can incurr. Carers allowance is for carers extra expenses incurred through looking after someone with a disability. His dad shouldnt touch DLA.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTax...le/DG_10018702

thank you.

**madmamma** · 15-03-2012, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by nelly

i know its his house his rules but my sons dla is nothing to do with his dad its my sons money,ive phoned the dla up and they said that the police should be informed because its theft.

I stand corrected in that case

, I was under the impression that a parent/carer/guardian claimed DLA for a dependant childs additional needs.

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by madmamma

I stand corrected in that case

, I was under the impression that a parent/carer/guardian claimed DLA for a dependant childs additional needs.

they do up to the age of 16yrs then they claim in their own right. thanks for your thoughts on the matter anyway

**kindredspirits** · 15-03-2012, 04:57 PM

hope you and your son are OK - I would definately see if this can be sorted out as its so wrong on so many levels.

**nelly** · 15-03-2012, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by kindredspirits

hope you and your son are OK - I would definately see if this can be sorted out as its so wrong on so many levels.

i know, my son is so easily influenced, hes been staying here the last 3 nights now and we've had a good chat about things, he thought the grass was greener on the other side but how wrong he was.
think he might want to move back in , i hope he does because we've mist him so much and he knows now that his dad only wanted him there to benefit him self. his step mom is so evil to him, she opens his mail and hides it from him, they've even took his bank card off him. they don't understand how to treat him, hes got to be taught how to live independently not to have total control took off him.
im so angry they've took advantage of him.

~Chelle~ · 15-03-2012, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by nelly

i know, my son is so easily influenced, hes been staying here the last 3 nights now and we've had a good chat about things, he thought the grass was greener on the other side but how wrong he was.
think he might want to move back in , i hope he does because we've mist him so much and he knows now that his dad only wanted him there to benefit him self. his step mom is so evil to him, she opens his mail and hides it from him, they've even took his bank card off him. they don't understand how to treat him, hes got to be taught how to live independently not to have total control took off him.
im so angry they've took advantage of him.

That is awful, I really hope that your son comes to live back with you hun x x