Do I let her go quietly?

[nipper]

Ok, I'll be as brief as I can...

Mindee aged 8, started with me mid-September. Mum is a nurse, working shifts approx 13 shifts per month, including weekends. Mindee goes to Dads every other weekend. I have mindee from 6.30am until 8.00pm (term-time only) sometimes 2 days, sometimes three days a week, so as you can imagine when mindee does the proper hours, it's a good income. This mindee was also the first one I signed up since becoming registered, so I had a really good feeling about this one.

A while ago, I posted on here with concerns that mum was not responding to requests to provide her shift hours for the month of October. Since mindee started coming to me, over the period September - October out of a possible ten sessions, xxx has only attended 6½ sessions (because of various illnesses). On the 7th October, mum asked to speak to me when she collected to say she was finding things hard going at work, not enjoying it and had been to the doctors who had put her on anti-d's. She basically dreads going into work (who wouldn't, she works in A&E).

Then I had all the shananigans over half-term, wondering when she was planning to get in touch to give me this months shifts. I finally managed to track her down and she dropped off a list consisting of four days, two this week (tuesday and today) and two next week. I merely thought that given what had happened, she was maybe beginning to ease herself back into work.

I see her everyday at school, enquire how she is feeling, yes xxx was starting back on tuesday at 6.30am....Tuesday came, I got up at 6am, nothing, not a phone call or a text to say she wasn't bringing him and the same today. The thing is, she has paid me for these four days. I don't know quite what to do, because she paid me in cash almost by return of me giving her the invoice. If she was witholding payment, then I could hold that over her head, but there's nothing I can do. I could nobble my husband when he jokes, it's easy money (she pays me in the region of £35 a day because of the times xxx attends) , but even he is now wondering why she pays and then doesn't use me. I don't see it like this all, it's actually very awkward, but with my business head on...if she pays and chooses not to send, then she doesn't get a refund and the session most definitely is not transferable).

I am considering not asking for Decembers hours and then see if she comes back to me, or do you think she might use this as an excuse to walk out on me?

Has anyone any advice as to what to do, or has anyone ever had a similar situation.
Thanks as ever

[Goatgirl]

Hi ,
I would definitely be keeping the money as you were available to work.

Why not give Mum a ring and ask her to come for a chat about how she wants to go forward? 4 out of a possible 13 shifts isn't much so you need to think about whether you can allow the situation to drift or need to put firmer conditions in place. Even end the contract...

What do you want to do? Is it worth working 4 shifts a month? Can you introduce minimum hours? How easily would you fill the space? How flexible can you afford to be while Mum sorts herself out... if she does .

I'd have a think about what I needed then ring the mum to arrange for a chat about everything.

hope you get it sorted, so frustrating not knowing what's going on!

best wishes, Wendy

[sarah707]

Are you paid up to date? If so yes I'd just let it tail off if it's causing you upset xx

[mandynunn84]

i agree with Sarah, if you already feel like its akward and you never know where you are shift wise? unless of course you are happy to continue working that way, however i am new to childminding so not got much experiance x

[nipper]

Thanks for your replies, it's not causing me upset it's more awkward when I see her. I'm trying to build a professional business and I can totally understand her predicament but from my point of view its plain awkward to be paid and then not to provide her with a service.

[kindredspirits]

is Mum asking for a refund or do you just feel bad that you don't want to refund when she's not turned up ? If its the first then I would say forget about it - if you are creating an issue in your own head by thinking that mum must want a refund then you have to get around that and perhaps try to understand that if mum is going through a hard time emotionally then it might be comforting to know that she has her childcare sorted out should she manage to get into work but if she doesn't manage to go that morning then she may not be worried about refunding, especially if she gets some help with her childcare payments.

I would ask her for Decembers hours unless you are planning on giving notice - she may feel the need to keep you in the pipeline in case she gets past these issues.

[nipper]

No, I don't think that the issue of a refund had even crossed her mind, as I said she's got a few things on her mind at the moment. Do you think I need to toughen up a bit and stop feeling bad for her?
She paid me just over £140 for four sessions that make up her shifts for this month...I'm not going to terminate the contract because like you say, she may need me and I cannot afford to let this one go for now, until I get a better one come along.

[kindredspirits]

yes I do think you need to toughen up (sorry lol just using your own words) I think that Mum is clearly happy to have paid for the sessions that she has not used, perhaps she was planning on going into work those days but literally got up in the morning and couldn't face it. By making it an issue for her you could be cutting off a lifeline. It is so easy to create issues between ourselves and others by assuming that they are thinking the same thing that we are, when in actual fact the idea of resenting paying you when you haven't worked has probably not crossed her mind.

If you don't want to put pressure on her perhaps just send a text etc asking if she thinks she'll need you in December, and for what days, that way she's got the option to say she won't need you, or she will, if that makes sense!

[jacqui 1]

the parent is paying for the place to be kept open also she may be getting help with her childcare cost's so not all comming out of her income !

[flowerpots]

I would just support mum any way you can at the moment and if she wants to pay you and not use the sessions, thats her choice. I would tell mum you would ike a txt though if she is going to send lo just so you know where you stand each day. x

[Playmate]

I would just support mum any way you can at the moment and if she wants to pay you and not use the sessions, thats her choice. I would tell mum you would ike a txt though if she is going to send lo just so you know where you stand each day. x

I quite agree, we are currently being paid for 2 sibblings, but they rarely attend! Mum would rather pay to keep the place open because when she can extend her hours she will. In the mean time we enjoy being quieter and being paid for it

[miffy]

I would just support mum any way you can at the moment and if she wants to pay you and not use the sessions, thats her choice. I would tell mum you would ike a txt though if she is going to send lo just so you know where you stand each day. x

I agree with this - mum is obviously OK with still paying you and probably wants to make sure you're still around when she needs you again.

Miffy xx

[nipper]

Well, just to add to the situation, I have had an enquiry this evening for a little boy starting school in January for before and after school care plus holidays. He's nearly five, (relocating schools), but its every day. Normally I could do this, but because the original mindee doesn't have set days, I would be over my numbers on the walk to and from school on the days when I should have xxx. I have two other school-age mindees who do have set days with me, so it's easier to calculate for this.
I want to be totally honest with the original mum as she is the first, but this is trying my patience now.

[Wendybird]

Can you apply for a variation? I have one in place for a child I care for on an irregular basis (mum does freelance work) to cover times when she would be here at the same time as one of my part-timers. Ofsted were fine with it as it was only part-time and irregular.

[Playmate]

Well, just to add to the situation, I have had an enquiry this evening for a little boy starting school in January for before and after school care plus holidays. He's nearly five, (relocating schools), but its every day. Normally I could do this, but because the original mindee doesn't have set days, I would be over my numbers on the walk to and from school on the days when I should have xxx. I have two other school-age mindees who do have set days with me, so it's easier to calculate for this.
I want to be totally honest with the original mum as she is the first, but this is trying my patience now.

You state in your op that the mindee in question is 8 years old, so how will this affect your numbers if you take on another under 8

[nipper]

Well at the moment walking to school every day I have one 6month, one 20 month, two four yr olds (rising five) two seven and him. Two of the children are my own age 4 and 7. Mindee does not count in these ratios as he is eight.

[Anon8319]

As you've had plenty of advice from the business end, I won't add to that, but what I wanted to add was the perspective of someone who has had a mental illness in the past.

If she is suffering depression, it's likely everything important (work, sending child to school/childcare, pre-arranged meetings etc) have gone out of the window, and she may be burying her head. It wouldn't worry her that she'd paid the session if she's having a day where she can't face leaving the house. I paid for a third of a course (about £300) upfront, when I was poorly, and I didn't do it! I wasn't entitled to a refund but I just couldn't face it and buried my head and lost the money.

So don't write it off just yet - she may well come back. But from your point of view, you need the certainty and as a businesswoman you need to be able to offer that space to someone who can give you more concrete hours and money! So try to talk to her and if you feel you can't go forward with it, give notice.

[nipper]

Last night I sent a text to mum, enquiring as to whether mindee would be coming this morning. Text came back, she was still signed off for another month with the doctor. Ten mins later another text, probably won't be back until after christmas. Not sure if you can keep x's place or not, or whether you get another child.

What does that sound like to you?

Do I need the termination in writing or would a text surfice?

[kindredspirits]

I'd take on the other child - then just pop a note to mum saying as per her text the space is not currently available and the contract is no longer valid, should she need childcare in the future to not hesitate to contact you (you may have a space available by then) and wish her all the best for the future.