Help...feeling exhausted and overwhelmed!

[mumx3]

I have been minding since september and love it. But right now I am feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and wondering if I have taken on too much.

I currently have my own kids aged almost 2, 5 and 11 who are great (though the almost 2 year old is going throught the tantrum stage). I also work one day a week at my other job and my own kids go to minder.

I currently mind:

Mon 9m , 18m and my own 23m Plus afterschool 5yo, 5yo, and 11 yo

Tues 9m , 18m and my own 23m Plus afterschool 5yo, 5yo, and 11 yo

Weds 22m,18m and my own 23m Plus afterschool 5yo, 5yo, 5yo and 11 yo

Thurs 22m,18m and my own 23m Plus afterschool 5yo, 5yo, 5yo and 11 yo

Fri work at other job 9 til 3.30pm Plus afterschool 5yo, 5yo, 11 yo and 23mo

So it is basically 3 under 2s 4 days, and a total of 6 or 7 everyday afterschool.

I am worn out, and though I can keep it together all week and do everything wonderfully for the mindees and my own kids all week....action packed planning, activities and outing, when I get to the weekend I fall apart. I have no patience, I am stressed and my blood pressure is through the roof. Seem to have a real problem saying no to parents.

I have run out of time and energy to keep up with paper work all evening and weekend too.

Please help, I need to sort something out as this just is not sustainable,

[The Juggler]

wow! I couldn't have done it early on, I built up much more gradually - as I'd been workign full time before I wasn't even used to being with my two full-time since I'd been on maternity! Also I think unless you have older children it's much more demanding dealing with the after schoolies as you have less experience of them.

It does sound like a lot. could you drop your other job on Friday, giving you a day off until after school. This would give you a chance ot catch up with planning and put your feet up for a bit.

[Zoomie]

Something is going to have to give, isn't it ?

Friday job seems to be the most disposable. Do you have to do this ?

Friday with your own children will do wonders, BUT you must keep it to your family, and say NO NO NO to those parents.

[sarah707]

You describe it as 'action packed planning, activities and outing'...

I think you are trying to do too much!!

There should be chunks of the day where you can have some down time and write up obs, do some planning, update the odd risk assessment, check your emails and tidy your desk... while the children are playing their own games!

I would say do some observations of how you work, plot yourself every half hour for a few days and see exactly when the children have their own play time.

Then work to re-jig your days and give yourself a break.

Hugs xx

[mumx3]

Ok, this is what my day looks like pretty much everyday...

Up at 6am to shower, dress and make packed lunches, and get my own kids up and dressed and downstairs for 7.30am

7.30am first mindee arrives...breakfast for 4 kids

8.10am shoes and bags and into the car

8.15am another mindee is delivered to the car on the driveway.

8.20am collect a mindee on route,

8.30am collect another mindee on route

8.35am arrive outside and spend 10 mins getting 3 under 2's into buggy with 2 or 3x 5 year olds sat in car waiting to get out.

Walk 5 mins to school, and deliver all kids to entrances....take a deep breath!

Walk to toddler group (sometimes picking up another mindee on the way if they didnt make it to my house on time)

930am toddlers, with 3 under 2 there is not sitting sipping coffee for me...I am moving between children to keep them all happy and safe.

If not at toddlers I do activities at home or go to soft play or the park or Library

11.00 walk back to car and drive home.

12.00 noon begin lunches

12.45 nap time for usually 2 of them...but youngest one has had a nap in buggy and not ready for sleep. So he stays up, my 23 mo sometimes naps sometimes doesnt.

If awake I offer free play toys and books with me ATTEMPTING to write up obs or do learning journals....usually nothing prodcutive happens as still intereacting with babies and toddlers.

2.15pm bottles for 2 youngest

2.45pm in the car for school run

3.15 pick up 11, 5, 5, and sometimes another 5 year old.

Drop off 1 5 year old on way home sometimes.

4.00pm arrive home. Shoes off, drinks and snacks at the table.

4.45 either free play in house or garden or twice a week I do a planned activity...pizza making, card making, clay models or theme night of some sort.

5.30 to 6.45pm mindees go home and it is quiet time.

6.00pm dinner time for my own kids.

7.00pm bath time, story and bed, my last kid goes to bed at 8.30pm

Then I run around and try to tidy up, mop around table and clear everything up.

Then risk assess house for next morning....clear any debris of clutter, bags or shoes that shouldnt be there. Set up play room for next day...try to remember to eat something and say hello to my husband, do for paperwork on the laptop IN BED! and try to be in ready to go to sleep myself for 11pm.


If anyone can tell me what to do differently I would be very much appreciate it!

My job on Fridays is very important to me...it actually feels like a rest! I get to be myself that day rather than someones mum....I may consider cutting back on the afterschoolies, as much as I would hate to let parents down....one of them has been going on about using the afterschool club....maybe I should encourage her.

[The Juggler]

if you really don't want to give up your job then losing some after schoolies sounds good but if you still have littlies (i.e. still working) then you might as well be earning the extra money

I suggest as Sarah does, do the paperwork when littlies asleep if you can. Then set aside one night a week for paperwork (max 2) and a few hours on either a Sat or Sunday. Other evenings are yours.

My ds goes to bed at 9pm but he gets himself ready and draws/plays in his room. I just pop up and tuck him in at 9pm meaning that I can relax after dd is in bed. I think you need to have a 'down tools' time earlier on.

When mindees go, quick tidy and risk assess whilst yours play. Then bath and bed for little one (get your dinner on whilst you are putting your own little one down), Make sure older one is getting ready for bed at same time then time playing up in their room.

Eat earlier, pop up tuck in older child. Then once that's done - relax!

[mumx3]

Thanks Juggler,

I have had a long chat with hubby and he is supportive of me finding a way to improve things and not work as flat out as I have been.

I have spoken to my friday job and I am going to cut hours back to 12-3.30 and still send my own little one 23m to his childminder as he loves it. This will give me time to re-group and straighten everything out for the weekend, or just give me 3 hours of my own time to relax.

I have spoken to one parent of an after schoolie, and they are going to use after school club...infact they were trying to decide how to tell me as they didnt want to let me down...and so it will sork out for the best. This means then that on a friday I will not have ANY mindees. I think I can now get me head around 4 days flat out, and my friday with my own kids and getting over the weekdays ready to enjoy the weekend without being exhausted and suffering palpatations! WHich is what happened the week.

Thanks so much for you help....I feel much better about things.

[helenlc]

Glad you have come to a good result - as you say you will have a nice long weekend to re-group.

I currently work 5 days but would love to do 4. I had a Friday off the other week and I loved eating lunch in peace and quiet and loved just sitting around or even doing the housework but without squeezing it in somewhere over the weekend or evenings.

Hope things work well for you with this new arrangement - at least you can tell yourself during hectic moments Mon-Thurs, that you can chill on Friday!!

[The Juggler]

so glad you are feeling better and your dh is being supportive. I think that you have a good plan there. Helen, I have Thursdays off and although you end up doing paperwork or whatever it is so nice to have some headspace isn't it

[youarewhatyoueat]

Personally I would drop the picking up and dropping off on the way to school of other children. I would concentrate on the 3 during the day and your own children as having other after school children with my own is what I found more exhausting.
I now make the money during the day and go babysitting at night which is much more profitable and I can catch up on paperwork in peace.
Sit down and work out which makes the most money and drop the bits that are hard work but don't make much money.
Have 1 day when you do obs and paperwork at home during the day and if its not done then leave till next week, don't try to do everything its not necessary.
My husband does the breakfast in the morning and also now does the pack lunches, perhaps its time for a bit more sharing in the house now you are working.
It took my dh a while to get used to the fact I was working from home but he is very good now as I always say i'm starting work at 7.45 when the first mindee arrives and she is my priority and he has to sort out our children before he goes to work at 8.30.
I make it very clear that my wages pay for the holidays and all the childrens activities, car and extras. He pays the bills!!!

[mumx3]

Personally I would drop the picking up and dropping off on the way to school of other children. I would concentrate on the 3 during the day and your own children as having other after school children with my own is what I found more exhausting.

My husband does the breakfast in the morning and also now does the pack lunches, perhaps its time for a bit more sharing in the house now you are working.

Hi youarewhatyoueat

Interestingly, since Sunday I have now lost my 2x 5 year old after schoolies....bizarre. One of the is cutting back to just 2 afternoons a week, and the other is going completely. I have decided to do exactly what you said about not having the before and after schoolies.....that it the bit which takes a huge toll. The toddlers fit in with the family after school and are a pleasure, where as the after schoolies change the whole dynamic and make everything high octane!

As for hubby, he has a mad job, he leaves home at 6.30am and return at 9pm at the very earliest then he eats and does paperwork till the small hours....he is a Head Teacher at a large secondary school. My youngest 2 kids only see him at the weekend as they are asleep when he is at home. This means I am basically a single parent monday to friday and therefore have no hope of getting help in the mornings....but we manage.

I am hopeful that the above changes will have the desired impact.

[The Juggler]

i hope so hon. fingers crossed x

[ageinghippy]

I have just read your thread and you have done exactly the same as me! I have four children, the youngest three are similar ages to yours and my husband is a paramedic so long shifts which is like being on my own.

I know exactly how you are feeling and you should start to feel the benefits of cutting your hours down very soon.
I stopped working Fridays and as the after schoolies started High school, I didn't replace them with anyone else.
I feel so much better, am on top of the paperwork-well almost!! and have a much better time at the weekends with my four, because I have the energy to.

Good luck, it will get better, I promise.
Love Kate xxx

[ChocolateChip]

I've just read this with interest as well, as I have been feeling the same!
But funnily enough it looks like 2 of my after schoolies will be going at the end of July as one is moving away and the other will be going to another school, and I'm not going to replace them.
I've been thinking for a while that ideally I would love to just concentrate on the lo's and not have to have the older ones- who are all pretty good kids but I have found it a real impact on my own family having 2-4 mindees every day after school.
Hopefully my wish is going to come true!

[Ripeberry]

Glad that you've managed to find a way to cut the stresses. Right at the begining I decided that I was only going to do 4 days a week and term-time only and if it loses me some work, then I'll just wait for the familly who can fit in with me.
My day off is Monday as most CMs around me have Friday off!