Best Way To Deal With Whinging/Whining?

**helenlc** · 26-04-2010, 01:30 PM

My mindee is 2 years old in a couple of weeks.

Last week and today she has been whinging like its going out of fashion!!!

At first, its just a pathetic little noise but then she gets louder and louder so EVERYONE knows (very embarrassing in soft play this morning!

)

Mum had said a couple of months ago that she was making this silly noise to get attention and her own way. But tbh she didnt do it that much at mine. But now she is.

I am thinking of having another word with Mum tonight to see if anything has changed at home (mum and dad not together but see a lot of each other for LO), if she is having busy weekends/late bedtimes etc.

I tried just ignoring her this morning (at soft play) but then she gets louder, people look in my direction or go up to her and then look around and say Who are you with? She stops the INSTANT someone gives her attention!!

Then I just said to her firmly Now stop. Generally she does but someone she just saunters off and starts again.

She also fussed when we were at home too - when the baby came near her, when she dropped something.

We do plenty of activities, go plenty of places so she is far from lacking in things to do and attention. The baby (well 1 next mth) started a few weeks ago but he has settled right down, so its not like all my attention is on the baby and not her.

So, do I ignore her - despite how loud she gets and despite what others might think? Or do I tell her to stop making silly noises - but then I feel she is getting my attention and so has what she wants. Its very draining - she comes 4 days a week for 10 hours!

PS - She also stops if she gets offered food

She loves her food - she is not over weight but just loves "Yummies", loves to be eating! But I am not going to offer her food every time she whinges as I am not getting into that habit with her.

**Mookins** · 26-04-2010, 01:34 PM

would love to know this too xx x

**little chickee** · 26-04-2010, 01:57 PM

I would definatley try to ignore it best you can. Like you say its just for attention so its only going to get worse if she learns to get her own way through whingeing.

It is one of my bug bears and my own son whos nearly 7 was a world class whinger and it used to drive me mad. I would tell him that cos he was whnging i couldnt understand what he was saying so if he wanted me to help him etc he would have to stop whinging and ask properly.

If people give you funny looks when you are out and shes whinging just be straight with them and tell them you are operating a zero tolerance to whinging and its all part of the training!

Remember people love to see other kids acting up cos it makes them feel better about their own kids bad behaviour!

**Mookins** · 26-04-2010, 02:01 PM

have been ignoring a lo i know who does this...that a large g and t that night

when ever ive seen him xx

**Curly Quavers** · 26-04-2010, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by little chickee

Remember people love to see other kids acting up cos it makes them feel better about their own kids bad behaviour!

This is sooooo true makes me feel better

**grindal** · 26-04-2010, 02:15 PM

I look after a 19 month old who used to be quite whiney! He is not a very competent walker yet, so has to spend a lot of time in the pushchair, and most mornings would end up in a massive strop on playgroup run. Then one morning i was running late and gave him a weetabix with DS1 and 2 for breakfast (he has brekkie before getting to me). He was like a different child! I figured he must be hungry - I now make sure he has had his second brekkie before we leave in the morning and he is much more cheerful!

**amandavin** · 26-04-2010, 02:26 PM

I had one like this. I refused to respond while he acted like that. Sounds simple I know. But because it was for attention, he realised it didn't work and he stopped almost in one day! I think I was lucky though. (I would actually turn my back when he started).

It was in danger of becoming his default position and now he saves it for his Mum, who responds to him.

**helenlc** · 26-04-2010, 02:58 PM

Thanks for the replies.

I will go with the ignoring route then, which is the one I want to do.

I shall also explain to others that she is just attention seeking and so I am ignoring her as my tactic.

I did tell a few other parents in soft play this morning that she was just doing it for attention, so I was ignoring her. One lady even thought her grandson had hurt her as he was near her and she was whinging. I said No, it was just her having a moan!!!

**emma04** · 26-04-2010, 03:16 PM

I have a terrible whinger and crier!!! She is almost 3 and has a 15yr old brother, so is treated rather like the princess at home! She used to be my youngest but is now my oldest and she hates it!.....Everytime any of the younger children go near her she cries, not a normal cry but a huge and whopping great BOOOOO WOOOOO BOOOO, so loud that it makes us all jump! I have to give a firm No and a Stop Now otherwise i'd go insane. I tried ignoring and still ignore when i can, thankfully she only really does it at home.

**sillysausage** · 26-04-2010, 04:28 PM

I tell them that I do not listen to whinging and whining and if they want/need something they must talk to me properly. Then I ignore them until they stop. I find the phase doesn't last too long, though it depends on whether they get away with whining with mum and dad.

**Gizmo** · 26-04-2010, 05:25 PM

my dd does it when she is hungry it used to drive me mad until I realised that she stopped after she had eaten, I never go out anywhere now without making sure she has had something to eat and she is like a different child

**helenlc** · 26-04-2010, 06:13 PM

Well I spoke to Mum when I dropped LO off. She said that nothing has changed at home and that its still a phase she is going through. She says that she tries to ignore her as much as possible but other wise just says to her Stop!!

I explained to Mum that it can sometimes look bad when I am out but she said its fine and that she knows she is just doing it for attention.

I ignored her when she was doing it this afternoon and told my DS to do the same.

Hopefully we can get through it without me having to resort to ear plugs!!

**mamasheshe** · 26-04-2010, 08:21 PM

i hate whinging i don't mind crying or temper tantrums or shouting but whinging really really gets to me

sounds like your doing really well

**helenlc** · 26-04-2010, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by mamasheshe

i hate whinging i don't mind crying or temper tantrums or shouting but whinging really really gets to me

sounds like your doing really well

Thanks.

I feel the same - can deal with crying and tantrums but the long drawn out whinging does my head in!!!

**Bernie** · 26-04-2010, 08:59 PM

I tell all mine that I can not hear them if they don't use their big boys/girls voice. I say I will not speak to you until you use your big boys/girls voice. Then I turn away until they stop. They usually stop straight away then when they speak nicely I turn around with a big smile and say 'Thank you for speaking nicely'.

Its worked so far but takes a lot of patients and gritted teeth.

**sweets** · 26-04-2010, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by JenJen

I tell all mine that I can not hear them if they don't use their big boys/girls voice. I say I will not speak to you until you use your big boys/girls voice. Then I turn away until they stop. They usually stop straight away then when they speak nicely I turn around with a big smile and say 'Thank you for speaking nicely'.

Its worked so far but takes a lot of patients and gritted teeth.

exactly what i do too

**The Juggler** · 27-04-2010, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by helenlc

Well I spoke to Mum when I dropped LO off. She said that nothing has changed at home and that its still a phase she is going through. She says that she tries to ignore her as much as possible but other wise just says to her Stop!!

I explained to Mum that it can sometimes look bad when I am out but she said its fine and that she knows she is just doing it for attention.

I ignored her when she was doing it this afternoon and told my DS to do the same.

Hopefully we can get through it without me having to resort to ear plugs!!

Depending on their age/maturity - this might work. my dd was like this all the time linked to other behaviour issues. The advice (epecially where they persist to get something you've said no to) is to address their whinging and actually say ONCE that I've said no, please stop whinging now as it won't change my mind. Then ignore. The theory is once you tell them you know why they are doing it they will stop.

worth a try - it does work to some extent with my dd but she is VERY persistent.

**helenlc** · 27-04-2010, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by The Juggler

Depending on their age/maturity - this might work. my dd was like this all the time linked to other behaviour issues. The advice (epecially where they persist to get something you've said no to) is to address their whinging and actually say ONCE that I've said no, please stop whinging now as it won't change my mind. Then ignore. The theory is once you tell them you know why they are doing it they will stop.

worth a try - it does work to some extent with my dd but she is VERY persistent.

I can see how that would work - atm, I kind of feel that if I ignore it, she may not realise why I am ignoring her iyswim? I also want to be able to tell her to Stop so she KNOWS I want it to stop.

I will try this and see how it goes.

Thank you.

**The Juggler** · 27-04-2010, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by helenlc

I can see how that would work - atm, I kind of feel that if I ignore it, she may not realise why I am ignoring her iyswim? I also want to be able to tell her to Stop so she KNOWS I want it to stop.

I will try this and see how it goes.

Thank you.

I agree, I think you have to spell it out and like the other suggestions tell her you will listen/talk to her once she talks in a 'proper' or 'big girls' voice.

let us know how you get on.