Worried about tomorrow!

Lady Haha · 28-02-2010, 08:18 PM

Next door neighbour's little boy is coming again tomorrow. He is 4 and I take him to school. He started last week and on Friday, his second day with me, he was so tearful that mum actually came into the house to help settle him. He kept saying he wanted her to take him to school and getting quite upset about it. She started the bribes then! Saying if he was good she would get him a new dvd......she sat him down and we made small talk while he settled and he started playing on our spare ds and my son played on his. Mum pretends she is just going back hometo get his ds, but is actually sneaking off!

When it was time to go, he did ask where mum was and even went to his door to see if she would answer! Luckily, when I told him she had gone to work, he seemed to accept it and got in the car.

I am really stressing now about tomorrow morning! I don't want mum coming in every morning to settle him in and then sneaking off! But as he's new, I'm also worried about how he will react if she just leaves him at the door and how to deal with it.

On Friday I tried to tempt him in by showing him his new peg with Ben 10 on it which he has asked for and his face lit up, but as soon as mum opened her mouth to say how nice it was, he started bawling again!!!

Any suggestions as to what I can do to just get him in here? Last two times he has been fine once mum has gone.

should I let her sneak off (even though I really don't agree with that tactic) until he starts WANTING to come here, which he will cos it's so much fun here and they all love it! Once he's got to the top of his chart and won a prize, he will be running here lol

But in the meantime?

**Bex1** · 28-02-2010, 08:56 PM

Hi
Not sure I can really help but didnt want to read and run.

I had a situation whereby a mindee I use to look after got upset when mum went to leave and she would hang around with him here for about 10-15 minutes. In the end I said that it was best for her to come in, say Hello, leave his stuff, say goodbye to him and then go. He cried for along time but I found her hanging around was not doing him any good and I didnt want her sneaking off either. He cried when she left for a long while and I simply let him cry and then he would stop, find a toy and be ok again. My DD kind of helped as well as she would give him a hug and bring over lots of toys (she is only 2 but very sensative to people who are upset bless her!).

Sorry not much help.

**jelly15** · 28-02-2010, 09:08 PM

I don't like the sneak off tactic either but on the odd occasion a LO is upset the parents seem to prefer it

. I suppose it is less upsetting for the parent to have the child peeled off them and I have noticed it seems to make no difference to the child,they are no less upset if mum or dad suddenly has disappeared or if the have to watch mum or dad walk off and leave them.

**Gizmo** · 28-02-2010, 09:25 PM

I really dont like parents sneaking off I think the children get more upset when they realise mum is gone.
I would maybe give mum a phone and say she has just to say goodbye at the door, then the lo will walk in himself and doesnt have to have the detachment from mum inside the house, then busy him with his new peg etc

Pipsqueak · 28-02-2010, 09:42 PM

Don't like the sneaking away bit either.

This LO is at school so he used to mum going and this bit is just a change (albiet a huge one for him) to who takes him. He WILL settle, it just might take some time, so I would take a deep breath be confident (outwardly anyway - kids are like horses they sense our 'fear'), bright and breezy, have a plan of action - oooh today we are going to spot xyz on the way to school - the winner gets a sticker - or however you choose to do it. A diversionary tactic what you are already doing.

James took ages to settle going into school and I literally had to hand him over to the teachers, firmly say goodbye and walk away - which was hard hard hard.

sending you hug pal

**caz3007** · 28-02-2010, 10:46 PM

He will get better, it may take a bit of time.

With my own Ds when he went to school, we had to be cruel to be kind and he was peeled off me a couple of times, but was fine as soon as I was out of sight.

Hope it goes ok tomorrow and like pip suggested, be really bright and positive, and hopefully that will help him settle. Distraction works wonders

Lady Haha · 28-02-2010, 11:15 PM

Thanks for all the advice! Still stressing though!!! He was at nursery before school as well, so he IS used to being left! I dont know how mum hands over at school though or how she did it at nursery. If she is going in with him at school then that probably won't help. She said she took him to the breakfast club, but he was so upset each time she had to stay til the bell went anyway and was late for work.

To be honest, my instinct is that its a bit of show on his part, scream the place down, cry buckets and mummy will give me lots of cuddles, buy me a pressie and might even give in and take me herself (which happened last week before the Friday). I don't blame him for it, if it works, why not??!!

So the obvious answer is for her to just leave him at the door and go! But what if I'm wrong!!! And he keeps crying, gets more and more upset, refuses to go to school or something!!!! If we didn't have to go anywhere, I would just leave him to get on with it knowing that eventually he would forget why he was crying in the first place!!! But I have an hour from when she drops him off til we leave - if she leaves straight away!!

Ah, well, wish me luck! And he is gonna smell my fear a mile off!!!

**caz3007** · 28-02-2010, 11:35 PM

Heres hoping its much easier than you are thinking its going to be

**mama2three** · 01-03-2010, 12:28 AM

sounds like he has mum wrapped round his little finger - and i think you may have more trouble settling mum into your way of doing things than her son. If he knows mum drops at the door and thats it then there will be tears at the door then over - but her coming in etc is just prolonging the 'parting' and he has more time to play on her emotions!

Lady Haha · 01-03-2010, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by caz3007

Heres hoping its much easier than you are thinking its going to be

Well, there I was all prepared! Had my son 'posed' with the remote control dinosaur at the far end of the hall, big smiley face when I opened the door and he was fine anyway!!! Didn't even see the dinosaur, just came bounding in!

I took this as an opportunity to 'whisk' him up his chart superfast so he could get on his flower at the top and get a prize! So every ten mins he was here and had played nicely, he got moved up and he was chuffed to bits when he got his prize. In the past that has usually got the kids here!!!

He is due again tomorrow, I'm hoping that now he has experienced the chart thing, he will be okay!

Fingers crossed!!

**Ripeberry** · 01-03-2010, 09:59 AM

Sounds familiar. A mum at the pre-school a few years back had a little boy (always seems to be boys

) who would scream the place down when he was left, but would stop after about 5 minutes and enjoy himself.
Then as soon as he saw his mum, he would cry again.
He has an older brother and both of them get invited to parties (they are now 6yrs and 9yrs old and EVEN now, they won't leave mum's side an actualy join in with a party.
They will have to cut the apron strings soon as mum is expecting another boy this April, that will be a shock to them, but hopefuly will make them grow up and be more independant

Edit, Well done on having a stress-free morning