Days off !!

[mrsb79]

It's my hubby's 40th birthday next weds so I've booked the day off bearing in mind it's the one and only day I've booked during the long summer holidays, I'm planning to spend time with my family celebrating his birthday with him. All parents were given ample notice of my day off and lo and behold I've just received a text " sorry got to work on Wednesday now is that a problem " well what do you think !! It really annoys me how I will go out of my way to accommodate their requests but mine are just not important. I came here first to rant before I reply with I'm sorry but I've made plans that I can't change now. Sorry peeps just really cross x

[littlebears1009]

It's a booked holiday why would they even text you saying that?? I wouldn't let them know you have plans as plans or no plans you've booked it off for a reason. I would just reply and tell them as they are aware you will be on holiday that day therefore they must find alternative arrangements for their lo! We had this on my thread the other day didn't we, the more we give, the more people take and our previous efforts go unnoticed as soon as we cannot do what they want! X

[mrsb79]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

[Simona]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

If you have given parents ample notice of your day off, according to your contract, the parent has no right to ask you to change your plans
You could offer help in finding alternative care but it is not your duty to do so
So you must say you are sorry and the parent has to deal with the situation or take a day off

Good luck

[bunyip]

As an old bloke of the straight-talking, non-soap-watching variety, I am baffled by all this "no right to ask", "sorry, but...", "taking the mick" response.

To me, a question is a request for information, nothing more, nothing less. I have neither the time, the guile, nor the mental energy to go looking for trouble in a simple question. I would simply respond with a straightforward answer.

Viz: "Thank you for your message. As previously notified, I shall not be working on [date] and shall not be available to provide a service caring for your child. Thank you for asking but this does not represent a problem to me, as I shall be enjoying the day doing other things. Kind regards, etc."

Whether it's a problem for the client is frankly, well, er, her problem.

Neither would I say, "I'm sorry but....." because I would not be sorry. There is absolutely no need to explain, justify, or apologise (not even in this oh-so British insincere manner) for making an adult decision - and no need to go looking for "offence". AFAIC I attract enough trouble in life without going digging for hidden meanings or making those meaningless apologies for thinking or doing things to which I'm perfectly entitled.

Perhaps it's a man thing?

Unless there is some history or back-story to this relationship that I'm missing......................

(Edited for unforgivable miss-spelling of "there". )

[littlebears1009]

Stay strong, if you have not had any time off over the whole summer holidays then you definitely deserve this day off with your family x

[mrsb79]

As an old bloke of the straight-talking, non-soap-watching variety, I am baffled by all this "no right to ask", "sorry, but...", "taking the mick" response. To me, a question is a request for information, nothing more, nothing less. I have neither the time, the guile, nor the mental energy to go looking for trouble in a simple question. I would simply respond with a straightforward answer. Viz: "Thank you for your message. As previously notified, I shall not be working on [date] and shall not be available to provide a service caring for your child. Thank you for asking but this does not represent a problem to me, as I shall be enjoying the day doing other things. Kind regards, etc." Whether it's a problem for the client is frankly, well, er, her problem. Neither would I say, "I'm sorry but....." because I would not be sorry. There is absolutely no need to explain, justify, or apologise (not even in this oh-so British insincere manner) for making an adult decision - and no need to go looking for "offence". AFAIC I attract enough trouble in life without going digging for hidden meanings or making those meaningless apologies for thinking or doing things to which I'm perfectly entitled. Perhaps it's a man thing? Unless there is some history or back-story to this relationship that I'm missing...................... (Edited for unforgivable miss-spelling of "there". )

No missing history or back - story just as usual I come last down the pecking order. I could be straight talking but don't think I would have many clients then. I'm probably just narky cause I'm tired she will be here in an hour so guess we will see then what the outcome will be. I'm angry at myself too and know I should stick to my guns x

[mum67]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

These parents! are you not allowed a life Mrsb79?
Have your special day with your family, he's only 40 once. She will find childcare if she really needs it and if not she can take a day off herself. If a nursery was closed that day would she ask them to open especially for her? Noooo so why should you.
Hope you have a fantastic family day together

[mrsb79]

See now I asked over 4 weeks ago and mum said yeah if I can't have the day off dad can, then 2 weeks ago mum said could I have missy an extra day last week and that can count as my day off if you get what I mean to which I said yes that's fine. I know I need to say no can do it's my sons 15th bday in tues then hubby's weds so I have brought them a dads and lads tank driving experience which I've booked for the Wednesday obviously I'm not taking part but the intention was for me and bubs to go and watch them and just enjoy the day together x I'm willing myself to stay strong and say no x

[smurfette]

[QUOTE="mrsb79;1374160"]See now I asked over 4 weeks ago and mum said yeah if I can't have the day off dad can, then 2 weeks ago mum said could I have missy an extra day last week and that can count as my day off if you get what I mean to which I said yes that's fine. I know I need to say no can do it's my sons 15th bday in tues then hubby's weds so I have brought them a dads and lads tank driving experience which I've booked for the Wednesday obviously I'm not taking part but the intention was for me and bubs to go and watch them and just enjoy the day together x I'm willing myself to stay strong and say no x[/QUOTE
Stick to your guns. You don't ask parents for a day off you just inform them you aren't working, don't you dare miss that special day or we will be cross at you lol!

Say sorry if you must (I would!) just say nothing you can do it's all arranged

She shouldn't have asked it wasn't fair

Bunyip yes a man thing.. I am afraid we are more complex (which is often a bad thing!) and have a tendency to read extra emotions and motivations behind things which men don't always see. (And lol that aren't actually there sometimes!) I wish I had this ability to just read things as they are (dh is exactly like this thank goodness! Keeps me balanced!) but I am afraid I am what is called 'highly sensitive' it is an actual personality type and now I have read up about it it makes sense but not easy to live with! ESP doing this job !

[mrsb79]

Well I had both parents at the door quite annoyed with me telling me that it's not on that I'm choosing to have a day off and that I'm putting them out !! Needless to say I'm peeved I did say that I had given them ample notice and only when they had agreed to it that I had made my plans which I think was extremely reasonable and that I shouldn't have to explain myself and that we are all entitled to time off now and then. They continued to pester me and their parting shot was can you see if you can change your plans and let us know, Arragghh x

[bunyip]

No missing history or back - story just as usual I come last down the pecking order. I could be straight talking but don't think I would have many clients then. I'm probably just narky cause I'm tired she will be here in an hour so guess we will see then what the outcome will be. I'm angry at myself too and know I should stick to my guns x

Do that: stick to your guns and stay strong as littlebears says. But don't be angry with yourself, and don't take on emotional responsibility for others. Hope it goes well.

I'd still say just take the question at face value and answer it matter of fact. I'd have missed out on a whole load of business and other opportunities if I'd been one to deter the so-called "cheeky" question. Parents often think they're being cheeky asking me to do extra hours, etc. which I'm delighted to do. They just have to know what "no" means when I say it.

OTOH, there's swings and roundabouts. Sometimes there are messages and undercurrents which men don't see (Smurfette there: wise as ever .) I'm developing a wee bit of female intuition (from hanging out with CMs? ) in some respects, but am still prone to missing many signals and warning signs.

[AliceK]

I'm afraid I don't ever ask parents if it's okay if a take a certain day off as long as I am giving the required amount of notice and on occasions when it has been short notice it's because of a hospital appt and again I tell parents I will be taking the time off but in that instance I will apologise for the lack of notice and tell them why. A parent would get short shrift from me if they dare'd to tell me my time off wasn't acceptable for them. Have they forgotten that they are the child's parents not you. Please please do NOT give in to them

xxx

[littlebears1009]

I would be tempted to just leave it now and if they mention it again just say as explained in our previous conversation I am not available on that day and you had no intention of seeing if you could change your plans as you know full well you cannot change the date someone has their birthday unfortunately. If it gets to Tuesday just smile and say see you on Thursday and close the door :-) I'm afraid if they had a problem with the amount of notice you provide for holidays or have a problem with you taking time off at all I would be having words or showing them the door! I'm sure they would have something to say if their employer told them they could only take holidays when they said so after signing a contract that says otherwise! Looking forward to hearing on Thursday how you had a brilliant time on Wednesday with your family! Xxx

[Maza]

I'm afraid I don't ever ask parents if it's okay if a take a certain day off as long as I am giving the required amount of notice and on occasions when it has been short notice it's because of a hospital appt and again I tell parents I will be taking the time off but in that instance I will apologise for the lack of notice and tell them why. A parent would get short shrift from me if they dare'd to tell me my time off wasn't acceptable for them. Have they forgotten that they are the child's parents not you. Please please do NOT give in to them

xxx

AliceK you always sound so wonderfully assertive! I wish I was more like you! x

[AliceK]

AliceK you always sound so wonderfully assertive! I wish I was more like you! x

ha ha, yes I am assertive, sometimes I worry I might upset some parents with my forthright ness (is that a word lol) but I am too long in the tooth to take any crap from anyone. One of my parents who I get on very well with actually, said to me yesterday that I strike her as someone who is straight down the line and yes that's me. I call a spade a spade and like people to be the same with me.

xxx

[natlou82]

I've never been an assertive person myself, too scared of confrontation. Although I knew I would have to change this when I started this job otherwise I ll be walked all over! You must stand your ground, who are you most scared of upsetting, these unreasonable parents or your lovely husband? I would not let my family down for anyone. If you back down now they will lose respect for you, stay strong it's a firm no!

[hectors house]

I often notice that my parents aren't in normal work clothes and then they say "Not at work today, it's my best friends/mums etc birthday so we are going out to lunch or going to the spa" and I don't begrudge them that but sometimes feel it would be nice to be able to take an odd day off (at short notice) and not feel so guilty for doing so.

[mrsb79]

Huge pat on me back, I've stood my ground yippee much to their annoyance. They've just dropped little one I informed them my back up minder is full and that it is only one day that I've booked off and made plans only once I knew all the parents could arrange cover so for them to then change their mind at the last minute was unfair. I also pointed out that they had plenty of notice and that I wasn't just taking a day off willy nilly and that it was important to me to be able to spend time with my family. I also asked what they would do if I was sick and my back up minder was full, their answer well that's different I said well it is because it would be short notice but would you still expect me to work their answer well it depends !!! They left saying rather sarcastically well I hope taking the day off is worth it, hell yes it is thank you very much. See Bunyip I knew I wasn't being sensitive x

[littlebears1009]

Huge pat on me back, I've stood my ground yippee much to their annoyance. They've just dropped little one I informed them my back up minder is full and that it is only one day that I've booked off and made plans only once I knew all the parents could arrange cover so for them to then change their mind at the last minute was unfair. I also pointed out that they had plenty of notice and that I wasn't just taking a day off willy nilly and that it was important to me to be able to spend time with my family. I also asked what they would do if I was sick and my back up minder was full, their answer well that's different I said well it is because it would be short notice but would you still expect me to work their answer well it depends !!! They left saying rather sarcastically well I hope taking the day off is worth it, hell yes it is thank you very much. See Bunyip I knew I wasn't being sensitive x

Yippee! Well done you! Hope you have a lovely day!