Behaviour problem! At my wits end

[chels55]

Any suggestions will help. I've spent the whole weekend absolutely dreading Monday coming! I have a 18 month old new mindee (2 weeks) who is so out of control I really don't know what to do other than give notice. He arrives here at 7am and sits in high chair with his toast, cereal or fruit he kicks and screams and breakfast is flung across the room. its the same with snacks and lunch. I've tried sitting him on my lap and him sitting in a chair next to me but so far no good. The other children arrive and he is wild, constantly walking over toys, snatching toys out of their hands, pushing them.. I have to make sure that landline phone, remote control for tv, baby monitor, fruit bowl and family photos are up high as he will use toys to climb on to get to themWhen I stop him standing on my sofa to look out the window he has a meltdown and this happens at least 8 times a day. I have a safety gate between living room and kitchen and he climbs up to open the door(gate still closed) banging my kitchen door into the cupboard, so now its got a small crack in it. He has tantrums every time I stop him doing something he shouldn't and will lie on the floor, kicking and banging his head. Friday he decided to pick up some large toys and throw them across the room. One was a large toy wooden garage and if any other children were here they could of been seriously hurt. Would you keep trying or give notice? I have £109 a week for this child, can't afford to not have him but on the other hand don't know how much more I can take. Was thinking of saying I'm Not well this week so I can take a break from him lol. Ps he is like this at home too, poor mum has terrible trouble with him, shes lovely but I wonder how much she lets him get away with for a peaceful life!

[Tulip]

Poor you! you have got your hands full
I suppose its going to take time, probably not what you want to hear
Its what he is used to so perhaps keep doing what you are already doing you might be about to turn a corner
My best suggestion is to get out and let him burn off all that energy and then do it again, and again if neccessary!, he sounds frustrated to me and needs an outlet
Hope that helps , i'm sure you'll get lots of other tips as well

[LauraS]

I don't think any of what you have described is 'bad' behaviour in a child of that age, just normal testing boundaries and frustration. Reaching for interesting objects like the fruit bowl is totally natural exploration. All I can suggest is patience and persistence, distraction, praise and lots of physical exercise to wear him out . Pre-empt boredom and keep meals and activities suitably short. Small amounts of food at a time at the dining table to avoid a whole meal hitting the floor, and if something is thrown overboard don't comment or fuss. Eat together to model good behaviour. If mine throw I take their hands, get down on their level and say a good firm no, we don't throw toys (try and pre-empt the throw). Put special or breakable things out of reach. I have three little boys most days of similar ages and all are like this at times, particularly the nearly 2yo. On Friday all three were particularly 'on form' and on days like that I suggest growing eyes in your backside, eating copious amounts of chocolate (preferably with head in cupboard so you don't get have to share) and keep wine in the fridge ready for later.

[dawn100]

Stick firm with your boundaries, I have an 18mth old who is like you describe for their mum but is much better for me I have however had them since they were 7mths old so have instilled strict boundaries but mum is anything for a quiet life approach. Just stick firm and hopefully they will learn your boundaries, I agree with secret chocolate eating when it's a hard day!

[MessybutHappy]

I agree, be super firm, remove precious stuff, pad the door, lots of fresh air and exercise and bucket loads of nice food for comfort for you! Identify each unwanted behaviour and target it rather than seeing the whole child as "bad"! Easier said than done, I know, and finally give yourself an end date... perhaps until Christmas? Remember you have much more patience and will likely be far more consistent than Mum so you have a great chance of making this work!

[sarah707]

I'd try and do a home visit - chat about how you need to work together to tackle the behaviour - see how it's handled at home and whether parents are prepared to take on board your suggestions.

Do you have it written into your contract that you reserved the right to extend the settling in period? It might help to offer a few extra weeks.

Hugs xx

[London]

I've just come out of the other end with a 22 month old I look after. It was a nightmare 3 weeks but being consistent and firm as well as understanding is how I got throug it. It was like a switch had flipped this last week and he was an angel (nearly!) You are by no means alone!

[gef918]

Perhaps give him toys that he CAN throw around, e.g. bean bags into a bucket or a ball in the garden?

Otherwise, plenty of exercise and patience. You definitely need to be working with the parents though. If they are unwilling to do so, then I would think about terminating the contract.

[jackie 7]

Think about what you say to him. When you need to tell himself something use short phrases. Use a slightly louder deeper voice. Boys hear differently to girls. If he throws his food say oh your not hungry down you get. Be consistent and loads of exercise and keep to your boundaries. Sounds like a lot of children who are in charge at home. Talk to parents and do a home visit if you can.

[hectors house]

I had one like this few years ago, I spend lots of time outside on walks and at the park, toddler groups etc - at least that way it wasn't my house being trashed and my toys being broken. If he throws food just pick it up and take it away and hopefully he will eat nicely when he is hungry. Good luck!

[kellyskidz!]

Perhaps give him toys that he CAN throw around, e.g. bean bags into a bucket or a ball in the garden?

Otherwise, plenty of exercise and patience. You definitely need to be working with the parents though. If they are unwilling to do so, then I would think about terminating the contract.

Totally agree with this, some kids are just wild! They're not trying to be particularly naughty, although some of it does seems extreme like the melt downs etc
I once gave one of my "testing" mindees a huge cardboard box in the garden to play with/pummel and it worked wonders. I told him he was allowed to break it in to pieces but other things he wasn't, and had to respect- and if he felt stressed to tell me and I'd get another box lol!
He was 4 though and so able to understand his emotions more easily, in your case I'd be doing a lot of outdoor/physical play to allow him space and time to let off steam. But also I'd be speaking speaking to mum and dad.
It sounds a bit like the terrible twos have arrived early and he will need you all to be on the same page and doing the same consistent things regarding his behaviour if anything is going to improve. ask mum what she does when he has a melt down, don't ask 'does he have one' because she'll probably say no to save face, just say when he paddys at home, what do you do? Good luck xx