Right little madam!!!! Rrrgh

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 05:52 AM

I've been minding a lo for two years now and boy is she hard work! I don't even know where to start!!! I can just about handle the fussy eating and the meltdowns over nothing but it's the way she's so rough with my daughter who has just turned 3. She's always nipping her, pushing her and yesterday she just slapped her really hard in the face!!! It was done in a playful way but she just seems have no empathy or thoughts for others. Even when she says sorry it has no meaning. My own children do lash out but I can tell they feel bad about it. This little girl seems to be thinking about what toy she can get next !

**Bumble Beez** · 01-08-2013, 07:06 AM

Read this just the other day...
Empathy is both genetically determined and a learned skill. The development of empathy begins very early in life. The seeds for empathy are planted by responsive parenting during the infant/toddler period. Empathy then begins to grow during pre-school. However, it is during the primary school years that empathy either takes root and becomes a way of life or emotional callousness sets in. Empathetic teens really blossom and give joy to those around them. Teens that lack empathy are like thorny bushes– you try to avoid them!

Try to do a bit of work on emotions with LO...talking about how others feel when she lashes out and when she is kind.

Not knowing how old LO is...maybe try this activity
SEEING: FLASH CARDS

Also a good book is 'All kinds of feelings' by Emma Brownjohn

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by Bumble Beez

Read this just the other day...
Empathy is both genetically determined and a learned skill. The development of empathy begins very early in life. The seeds for empathy are planted by responsive parenting during the infant/toddler period. Empathy then begins to grow during pre-school. However, it is during the primary school years that empathy either takes root and becomes a way of life or emotional callousness sets in. Empathetic teens really blossom and give joy to those around them. Teens that lack empathy are like thorny bushes– you try to avoid them!

Try to do a bit of work on emotions with LO...talking about how others feel when she lashes out and when she is kind.

Not knowing how old LO is...maybe try this activity
SEEING: FLASH CARDS

Also a good book is 'All kinds of feelings' by Emma Brownjohn

Thank you, that was interesting! I'll definitely look for that book!

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 07:20 AM

Lo is now 5 btw :-) x

**Bumble Beez** · 01-08-2013, 07:31 AM

You should be able to find the book on Amazon...that's where I got mine from.

And with LO being at that age, drawing the emotions on the faces activity will probably work quite well...you could always complete one first and then use it as a guide for her to follow

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 08:02 AM

Yes I just saw it on amazon but I'm also taking them to the library this morning anyway so I'll look there too :-)

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 09:49 AM

Not at the library :-(

**FizzWizz** · 01-08-2013, 12:38 PM

I got that book off of eBay a little cheaper, it is fab and my dd (5) loved reading it :-)

**donna porter** · 01-08-2013, 08:31 PM

Well today ended badly. My two sons were rolling around playing when my minded girl sat on top of my eldest and wouldn't move off him so he punched her on the nose :-/ I told him off but had to explain to her that she has to listen and think of others etc etc to be honest I don't blame my son for what he did. Maybe she'll learn???

**Bluebell** · 01-08-2013, 08:45 PM

oh dear - can understand your children don't have much time for her and treat her as she treats them. how old is your eldest cos punching her in the face does seem a bit extreme? Having said that if she is hitting them perhaps a bit of retaliation is what will make her realise that it really is not very nice and that yes it hurts.
Is there anything going on at home to make her lash out like this that you should be concerned about?

**Mouse** · 01-08-2013, 08:59 PM

I wonder if she's jealous of your children being at home with their mum when she isn't with hers?

**donna porter** · 02-08-2013, 11:44 AM

My own son is 8 and she is 5. She was sitting on his chest and he said he couldn't breath and was telling her to get off. There's no other concerns that I'm aware of. She doesn't lash out as such. She just gets carried away and doesn't no what to say. She seems to have no empathy or remorse when she does hurt the others. She's like a bull in a china shop ((rolls eyes!))

**shortstuff** · 02-08-2013, 11:52 AM

I had one like this who would stand on toys if they were in her way, move others out of the way at her will. She also raised the hobby horse up underneath DS and then laughed like it was hilarious.

I started to snap her out of it by using an improvement chart. It gives 3 areas to improve hers were always to be gentle, watch where her feet were and i used to regularly change the third one.

I had dad on board and he would let me know what her reward would be if she achieved certain levels on the chart. It seemed to work as i would copy the chart and send it home with her on a friday so dad could see what she had done.

Might be worth a try?

**kellyskidz!** · 02-08-2013, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by donna porter

My own son is 8 and she is 5. She was sitting on his chest and he said he couldn't breath and was telling her to get off. There's no other concerns that I'm aware of. She doesn't lash out as such. She just gets carried away and doesn't no what to say. She seems to have no empathy or remorse when she does hurt the others. She's like a bull in a china shop ((rolls eyes!))

Did you tell your son off? Since she needs to know that as much as she can't lash out and hit, neither can your son, and he is a lot older (and I'm guessing bigger) than her
I agree with the flash card idea and talking about feeling and how actions hurt others
Maybe an empathy doll would help, to let her discuss when she feels angry or frustrated and what to do.
Also tell mum and dad so you're all on the same page and working towards the same goals. Good luck. Xxx

**donna porter** · 02-08-2013, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by kellyskidz!

Did you tell your son off? Since she needs to know that as much as she can't lash out and hit, neither can your son, and he is a lot older (and I'm guessing bigger) than her
I agree with the flash card idea and talking about feeling and how actions hurt others
Maybe an empathy doll would help, to let her discuss when she feels angry or frustrated and what to do.
Also tell mum and dad so you're all on the same page and working towards the same goals. Good luck. Xxx

I did tell my don off and sent him to his room to give everyone a chance to calm down and I must say he is usually very patient with all the little ones :-). She never means it to be nasty I don't think. She just doesn't think it through. I'm loving all your ideas ladies so thank you. :-)

**donna porter** · 02-08-2013, 01:28 PM

I wonder if its because she's an only child ? Never had little babies around??? Just a thought.

**Samijanec** · 02-08-2013, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by donna porter

I did tell my don off and sent him to his room to give everyone a chance to calm down and I must say he is usually very patient with all the little ones :-). She never means it to be nasty I don't think. She just doesn't think it through. I'm loving all your ideas ladies so thank you. :-)

I think this is really sound advice..