Arghhhh families - what would you do!!!!

**claire'scherubs** · 06-04-2012, 10:13 AM

To cut a very long story short, I will give it as brief as possible, but seriously need to know what you guys would do cause I am fuming.

For the last 9 months my DH family has fell out with us, over him being a naughty boy and the fact that I forgave him

We have been very sensible with our 2 children and allowed them to see their grandparents, even when they have said things to the children about us, basically not nice things!!!!! Allowed them to see people that we have specifically said that we do not want them to see and digging for information about where we had moved to, when basically we did not want them to know as they were telling the other woman everything about us (The other woman has been contacted by the police concerning an assault and harrassement)

We let the children go to see the grandparents on Thursday and today it has just slipped out that yet again they went to see some people that we do not want our children associating with

Not only have they done this, but our children kept it from us because they wasn't sure what to do

I have wanted to stop the children from going there but don't want the children to suffer, however why should I be letting them go when they do this

What would you do??????? I am fuming

**ajs** · 06-04-2012, 10:29 AM

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

**PixiePetal** · 06-04-2012, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by ajs

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

same here, although never been in the situation.

Hope all sorts out, not nice using children to get info etc

**loopyloopy** · 06-04-2012, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by ajs

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

Have to agree, we have a situation that is sort of similar. My children went to visit my SIL and I asked her not to do a particular thing when she had them. It was only when dd mentioned something it got alarm bells ringing and SIL got drunk a few nights later and she came out with what had happened. Now my 2 dont spend anytime with SIL without me or dh being there too, she doesnt like it but tough, they are my kids.

You have to be strong and put your foot down, this is for your children's sake

**FussyElmo** · 06-04-2012, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by ajs

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

Nothing more to add AJS has said it

**boxtree7** · 06-04-2012, 12:16 PM

You can only break the rules so often that really is taking the pee ! I think the rules need to be heard again for the last time. Good luck !

**gigglinggoblin** · 06-04-2012, 12:21 PM

I do understand how difficult a decision this is. How old are the children? What do they say they want to do? I dontt hink I would allow the children to see their grandparents unsupervised again, they clearly do not respect your wishes and it will be really hurting the kids to have to keep all these secrets. You cant assume they will start doing what you have asked, they are likely to just put the kids under more pressure not to tell. In your shoes I would allow supervised contact if the children wanted it, no more than that.

**claire'scherubs** · 06-04-2012, 02:50 PM

Thanks for your support

The kids are 10 and 5 and do want to see their grandparents, but only for the 'treats' as they also seem to come back with something or have got something new at the grandparents house EG 10 year old boy now got a bb gun, which we have said on a number of times he was not having.

Supervised contact I think would be a complete nightmare as they really do despise us

**blue bear** · 06-04-2012, 04:52 PM

Move and not tell them?

Seriously though have you not got a relative friend or neighbour that the children could go to and grandparents visit the children there, so at least you have sone control over who the children sees.

**mushpea** · 07-04-2012, 08:20 PM

My mother in law and father in law could not stick to or understand my wishes so my children no longer see them, sadly nor does my OH even though I have said to him several times that they are his parents and he needs to see them but he wont have it
at the end of the day they are your children and maybe if you refuse visits then your mother in law will realise you mean what you say .
you may feel you are being unfair to the children but at the end of the day they are your children and if your requests are being ignored and your children are feeling that they are unsure of what to do and are obviously feeling uncomfortable with this then to me that says it all,

**breezy** · 08-04-2012, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by ajs

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

exactly !

**sillysausage** · 08-04-2012, 03:10 PM

I'm in general agreement with most comments. As the grandparents have no respect for your wishes then they do not deserve to have unsupervised contact with your children. In the same circumstances I would not wish to stop my children seeing their grandparents (if that is what my children wanted), however it would be under my terms, not the grandparents.

**claire'scherubs** · 08-04-2012, 06:18 PM

Originally Posted by fi fi

Move and not tell them?

Seriously though have you not got a relative friend or neighbour that the children could go to and grandparents visit the children there, so at least you have sone control over who the children sees.

Have done that!!!!!!! But they kept asking the children leading questions then came round looking for us..........believe me when I say we moved into the middle of nowhere and they still found us.........our nearest neighbour is a lighthouse!!!!!!!!

~Chelle~ · 08-04-2012, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by ajs

My children my rules, if my parent blatently broke my rules they wouldn't have access to my children. End of.

Agree 100%.

How dare they buy a BB gun for a 10 year old!!!

That is mental! x

**claire'scherubs** · 13-04-2012, 10:20 PM

Thanks everyone

Going to speak to the children this weekend and see how they feel then make some decisions

Appreciate your help

onceinabluemoon · 14-04-2012, 06:29 AM

The grandparents are undermining your authority with your children at every turn. Firstly by taking them to see people you do not want them to see but also by buying them gifts that you have said they cannot have. Whilst your children may want to see their grandparents it doesn't appear that it's in their best interests to do do. The grandparents are using the children to hurt you. Time to stand up for them and yourselves and say no more, supervised access or no access at all.