1st Parent visit tomorrow!

[Olivia's mum]

Hi everyone,

I have my first parent visit tomorrow, she sounds lovely on the phone but is very worried that her 7 month old has separation anxiety. She said she cries whenever she leaves her. I have reassured her that it is normal, but if anyone has any tips on what I can say / do to ease the settling in stage it would be gratefully appreciated?

Eek it's really happening now - not just on paper any more

[Rick]

You will be fine, just be yourself and relax. I had a parent who was worried about leaving her 8 month old and initially only wanted 4 hours a day. She now has at least twice that and is amazed at how settled LO is and barely looks round when mum leaves.....too excited about what she will do that day!

Separation anxiety should reduce once YOU become a part of LO's life!

[MiniKins]

To reassure mom you need to be sympathetic to her worries, show that you understand her fears, tell her you understand…but let your professionalism shine through.

Lots of smiles and empathy ~ don't let her think you can't handle the problem.

Most importantly: don't augment mum's worries with any negativity.

Maybe ask about any techniques mum has used in the past…invite her to bring a favourite toy or other comfort. Ask questions about likes and dislikes…put out lots of bright toys and see which LO is attracted to. Perhaps suggest you will text regularly throughout the day to reassure her (you can always gently withdraw that later).

As Rick says, after a while LO will be more interested in the fun she's about to have.

However, here's something to watch out for: We've known parents who will keep the goodbyes going until an otherwise content child does start to fret ~ it's as if they expect (or strangely even want) their LOs to cry and will hang around waiting for them to do so! Sometimes the best approach will be to let mum just disappear quietly ~ you won't know until you try.

...there's no magic formula!

[shortstuff]

I agree with MiniKins about parents sometimes not helping.

I have a LO who came here with SA. He only comes for three hours a week so I was expecting a problem. I primed mum before the first session that she could help the situation by staying as relaxed as possible before dropping the LO here. Also make sure that the goodbye is kept literally to goodbye, see you soon. It really helped and LO was settled with no tears by week three. It helps the parent if you let them know before hand that as soon as little one is feeling ok within your setting that you send a text with an update, such as tears have stopped, off my lap and so on.

Good luck and hope it goes well.

[Olivia's mum]

Thanks all, great advice.
Will update later

[Kirstylob]

Good luck!

[Little miss]

Good luck hope it goes well

[Olivia's mum]

So mum has just left, I think it went really well. She seemed happy, kept it informal and focussed on trying to keep the LO entertained and settle in which after a bit she did start to play a little. I decided to provide my parent pack and not directly start a conversation about the formal bits.
I am hoping with a bit more practice I will get better, still felt like I should have done more, but didn't want to come across as pushy, just hoping I didn't end up coming across like I didn't know what I was doing!
Humph!

[Rick]

Well done

Bet it wasn't as scary as you thought it would be!

[shortstuff]

it is a tough balance to find and different for every family. Im sure you have done really well. Has the parent given you a time scale that they are working to, before they let you know their decision?

[lizann]

hope you hear from her soon keeping my fingers crossed for you

[Olivia's mum]

I am waiting on my certificate from Ofsted and she is waiting to hear about what hours she will be working so we agreed to keep each other up to date with any news. Hopefully by the end of next week we will both be in a position to move forward!