I can't take a child with epilepsy!

[Liverbird]

I have recently been criticized by my local council for refusing to care for a child with epilepsy.

I was approached by the parents to look after a 14 month old girl who's epilepsy was not under control. I explained that I would be unable to do this as my partners daughter had epilepsy and unfortunately died 5 years years ago after having a massive seizure. I couldn't put my children or my partner through seeing another child like that and I don't think I am ready or able to cope.The parent then made a complaint about me to my local council.

Am I being unreasonable?

[mrs robbie williams]

goodness no you are definitely not being unreasonable in my opinion

[Ripeberry]

I have recently been criticized by my local council for refusing to care for a child with epilepsy.

I was approached by the parents to look after a 14 month old girl who's epilepsy was not under control. I explained that I would be unable to do this as my partners daughter had epilepsy and unfortunately died 5 years years ago after having a massive seizure. I couldn't put my children or my partner through seeing another child like that and I don't think I am ready or able to cope.The parent then made a complaint about me to my local council.

Am I being unreasonable?

This kind of thing is my worst nightmare, being MADE to take someone on that you'd rather not due to personal/dinamics reasons and then if you refuse being accused of being discriminatory.
If they can't understand your concerns then they are being bullies.
They should not even put us in that kind of position in the first place, especially as most of us are working alone. And anyway, the child would be better off in a nursery as there would be more people there and they have to take everyone as they have the resourses. Might be talking total rubbish here.
But one lady wanted me to take on her ADHD son and he needs constant one to one care and throws everything, has tantrums 20 times a day and then she said I was being unreasonable for not taking him on

[EmmaReed84]

At the end of the day you meet with parents to see how you both feel about providing/receiving care... If the parent said "No I dont want to use our care because you have a child with X Y or Z and I dont want that to affect my child" you would not make a complaint about them and say they were discriminatory... safe situation just reversed... You have thinking about your family as a whole and the impact that it would have... NOT that child as an individual!

Really annoys me that parents can be like, oh I dont like you or your setting I wont go with you I have found so and so cheaper etc, but the minute we raise a totally valid concern we are made to feel like we are unreasonable. Don't feel bullied or pressured and do what is best for you as a whole xx

[boxtree7]

Sending you big hug - I am sure if you gave this a lot of consideration - I believe you have done the right thing and the council should show you more understanding.

[suzyblue]

I believe you can refuse to have the child but not because of the epilepsy as this is discrimination, steer your reasons more towards the impact it would have on others in your care as you have a duty to these children too.

[waterwaybabies]

if i was a parent in this situation i would only leave my child with someone who was happy and confident to deal with it.x
says more about the parents than you hun.xxx

[NicoleW]

I don't think you're being unreasonable no.


I've had to turn away a child with ADHD because I wouldn't be able to give him the care he needs, as whilst he was here he kept climbing over the safety gate into the kitchen with the dogs.

I felt really bad, like I was being discriminatory but I had to think about the safety of him as well and I had to think what if he jumped into the kitchen and it frightened the dogs, how would I know 100% they wouldn't nip him accidently?

Luckily the mother was very understanding as I shared with her my concerns and I gave her the number of my support childminder who has experience with it and he's still going there now.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your partners daughter How awful

[Pipsqueak]

No, given your prior circumstances i do not think you are being unreasonable.

I think though, sometimes being 'honest' is what gets us into trouble and we sometimes need to tailor our responses so that there is no comeback - such as you are experiencing. I know that what you have said has come from the heart unfortunately its landed you on the wrong side of PC.

[caz3007]

No I dont think you are being unreasonable.

The child would be much better suited to a setting with more than one carer, then if the child was fitting, one could take care of it and one the other children. Also I think its unreasonable of the family and the council not to take into consideration you and your families feelings.

[JCrakers]

Sending you hugs

Something I have learnt from doing this job and reading experiences on here is that the majority of parents think about themselves and their own..fullstop.
They do not take our feelings into consideration and the care of their children will always come first although there are parents out there who are not like this.
People are always so quick to maon but not so quick to compliment.

I work for a lot of nice families but one in particular will start a converstion about potty training for instance and as soon as I start to speak about my children/family will change the subject back to their child, like they are not interested in listening to me about my life. Sometimes in the middle of my sentance they change the subject They are really nice but just not interested in me as a person....

I would have done the same thing in your situation and always worry about saying no. Ive not had an enquiry yet for a child with extra needs but often wonder how I would cope with this..Truth being, I probably wouldnt cope(working 50+hrs,5days a week, own 2 children and hubby works away a lot)
I would feel guilty about saying no but taking on a child who needs lots of attention is hard work and adding extra stress to my life just wouldnt be good.

Hope you are feeling better soon, have you explained your side to the council?

[AliceK]

Sending you hugs

Something I have learnt from doing this job and reading experiences on here is that the majority of parents think about themselves and their own..fullstop.
They do not take our feelings into consideration and the care of their children will always come first although there are parents out there who are not like this.
People are always so quick to maon but not so quick to compliment.

I work for a lot of nice families but one in particular will start a converstion about potty training for instance and as soon as I start to speak about my children/family will change the subject back to their child, like they are not interested in listening to me about my life. Sometimes in the middle of my sentance they change the subject They are really nice but just not interested in me as a person....

I would have done the same thing in your situation and always worry about saying no. Ive not had an enquiry yet for a child with extra needs but often wonder how I would cope with this..Truth being, I probably wouldnt cope(working 50+hrs,5days a week, own 2 children and hubby works away a lot)
I would feel guilty about saying no but taking on a child who needs lots of attention is hard work and adding extra stress to my life just wouldnt be good.

Hope you are feeling better soon, have you explained your side to the council?

Gosh I know. I can't remember the last time any parent asked how I was even when it's obvious I'm under the weather with a bad cold etc no-one ever asks how I am, how my children are

xxxxx

[Pipsqueak]

Gosh I know. I can't remember the last time any parent asked how I was even when it's obvious I'm under the weather with a bad cold etc no-one ever asks how I am, how my children are

xxxxx

Hah - I know how you feel... I always wave the parents off with their child... 'bye bye, have a nice day' and i NEVER get a 'you too/have a nice day' in return.

I think parents see us as a business with rules to adhere to - when it suits them..... and in the next breath they expect there to be no rules, or to be bend to snapping point because its their will! We'll never win!!

[caz3007]

I must be lucky, my main family always say have a nice weekend, have a nice day and wrote in the book they were sorry to hear about the loss of our dog.

Most of my parents have been the same, I must just attract good ones, no real problems with paying etc

[wendywu]

I would not give a toss what my local council thought of me one way or the other. Lot of suited know nothings.

I have not had your very sad past but would not take a child on with epilepsy unless it was under medical control. I think it is unfair of a parent to expect you to do so.

You have done nothing at all wrong so do not even give it a second thought.

[loocyloo]

i do holiday respite care for a child who has just been diagnosed with epilepsy. no medication.

so far, all fits have been when child is tired. ( child has never had one with me )

this will be the first holiday that i have the child, whilst having LO as well. i will see how it goes, but have already said to inclusion officer that this might not work anymore. she understands, but i am dreading having to tell mum, as she is so nice, and really needs a a few hours break in the holidays.

[Liverbird]

Thank you all for your lovely comments. In answer to your question, I have tried to explain my reasons and circumstances to the council but unfortunately I have never really got on with the woman I spoke to. We just seem to rub each other up the wrong way. But I don't think I'll let it bother me too much now - I just needed reassurance that I wasn't doing something wrong.

After reading all your comments I have decided I must be very lucky. Most of my parents are fantastic, always wishing me a nice weekend/evening etc, asking how my kids are. I've even started to go to a zumba class with one of the mums and they're all invited to my wedding reception.

Thank you all again for your support, it means a lot.

[stardust]

Hey hun,
You will need to treat this as a complaint and log it,
I would write a letter to the parent and the council saying something along the lines of,

In reply to the complaint made by yourself in regards to me caring for your child x I have decided that a letter stating my reasons is a necessary step to resolving this situation.
I understand that you are upset and feel that I am discriminating against your child however My decision was not made based solely on your child alone.

As a childminder who works alone, It is my duty both in my eyes and those of Ofsted's to reflect on how a new child entering my setting will affect the dynamics and needs of my existing children.

As you are aware you son/daughter has an additional need in the form of epilepsy which would mean that should she have a seizure my attention would be taken from the other children in my care and would be based solely around her. This would be fine if I worked with another person such as an assistant, but as I work alone this would be placing the other children's safety at risk and would compromise their well being. This is something I take very seriously and refuse to compromise on.

I personally feel that x would be safer in a nursery setting where he/she would have several carers who would be able to give him/her one on one for long periods of time as and when a seizure takes hold.

I have logged your complaint to the local council in my complaints log.
However should you wish to take this further, I have enclosed a copy of my complaints policy.
I will also be sending a copy of this letter to the local council.
Plus a Copy of this letter and the original complaint will be sent to ofsted.
This way should they feel that in this case I have discriminated against your child they will be able to take the appropriate action.

Kindest Regards


I would also be writing one to your local council saying that you were just in your reasons and that after discussing the matter with Ofsted themselves who agree with the decision that you have made. You will be making an official complaint as you feel that you are being bullied into taking on a child who will put all your current children in a potentially harmful situation. That you feel that in her attempting to bully you into doing this is a safe gaurding issue that needs to be dealt with.
I would also then send a complaint to the person who overseas her.

But I am the type of person who will not be pushed into anything and enjoy complaining and writting letters

[Bluebell]

I am so sorry about the loss of your step-daughter - how devastating. I am so surprised that the family knowing this had happened would expect you to care for their child who has the same problem.
I think Tara-Louise's response is fantastic and addresses everything. I can't see how anyone could argue with the points made in that letter!
Very Best wishes to you x

[mandy moo]

I am so sorry about the loss of your step-daughter - how devastating. I am so surprised that the family knowing this had happened would expect you to care for their child who has the same problem.
I think Tara-Louise's response is fantastic and addresses everything. I can't see how anyone could argue with the points made in that letter!
Very Best wishes to you x

^^And me^^