Help with seperation anxiety

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

I look after a 13 month old lo 3 days a week have had him for just under 3 months now.

He comes to me fine, all smiles etc, but he has serious seperation anxiety from me!

If i go to the toilet, kitchen or just generally out of sight he goes mad and gets himself into such as state he is left sobbing for 30mins after.

I have tried talking to him when i am out of sight, giving him extra cuddles as reassurance (which has actually made things worse as he has a breakdown as soon as i put him on the floor). I cant take him with me as I look after 2 other lo's the same age and it isnt pratical and I want him to learn that its not the end of the world if I am out of sight for a minute.

I have asked parents if he is like this at home and they said no because he is literally allowed to follow them where ever they go in the house.

Any suggestions?

I have had everything from "ignore the screaming, lo will get over it in time" to "put him in a sling" (something which i am unwilling to do)

[merry]

I looked after a little one like this, I did everything you're doing, calling from another room, keep reassuring him I'd be back in a minute, and tried as far as possible to keep times out of his sight to a minimum when he was at his worst. I tried every tip and trick going but in the end the only thing that helped was time, as he grew out of it and by the time he was 2 it was only if something upset or scared him that he's have a bout of it again for a week or so before settling again. At nearly 3 now I can't remember the last time so think it's in the past now.

[Demonjill]

Aww poor wee thing - obviously confused as things work one way at home and another at yours.

I would sit down with parents to explain your situation and try coming to a compromise about what they can do at home to help when he is at yours etc.

I would really want it getting fixed before LO is at the stage of it becoming a behavioural issue or a habit hard to break - at the mo it sounds like LO is just confused

Sorry im not much help when im cooking tea lol

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

mentioned it to parents, although they fully understand that we have to have boundaries and cant take lo where ever they go, they want their lo to feel that he can roam freely when at home, I have taken this as code to "we hate seeing him getting distressed so we find it easier to have him attached to us 24/7"

[Demonjill]

mentioned it to parents, although they fully understand that we have to have boundaries and cant take lo where ever they go, they want their lo to feel that he can roam freely when at home, I have taken this as code to "we hate seeing him getting distressed so we find it easier to have him attached to us 24/7"

Oh dear then you could see a bit more "difficult" situations going to arise in the future with various things

At least you are trying to work in partnership with parents - but we cant force them to do things a certain way -- no cos that would make things EASIER for US lol

Good luck keep us posted how things go. It may fizzle into nothing.

[The Juggler]

may not help but I had a LO like this. She was worse on the floor so when I went to loo, I took her with me, plonked the high chair outside door, popped her in, gave her a book or toy, left door open (sorry TMI ).

If I left room, would just tell her where I was going, she could come, encourage her to crawl with me, wait for her to catch up, give her a cuddle but NOT pick up (cuddle on floor) and just keep talking nonsense to her to reassure her.

[Helen79]

Is he mobile yet? This phase usually gets better once they can follow you around by themselves. Not sure the layout of your house but when you leave the room can you pop him in the doorway so he can still see you?

I know you don't want to carry him with you but maybe you could try for a week whenever you leave the room take him with you, explain where you're going, what you're doing etc Then once he's used to the routine, knows where you're going you might be able to leave him, tell him where you going, talk to him while you're out of the room and he'll understand that you're not just abandoning him and hopefully not be as scared.