So mad with parent and with myself I could cry

**buzzy bee** · 10-01-2012, 06:31 PM

I'm so upset...

I have always been really flexible with all my parents... if they want to swap days I do etc.

This particular parent's son was off sick 2 weeks in a row so she asked me if he could come on the following Thursday instead so I said yes.

I only have him one day a week after school.

I then had a voicemail saying "instead of next Thursday, could I use my 'credit'

for X date as it's my xmas party"? Which I agreed to...

She told me at the end of last term that he wouldn't be here next week for his birthday. Over the holidays she text querying her invoice because he was off on his birthday, to which I replied I still charge for his holidays.

I have been an idiot and let her contract go out of date, so today I asked her to sign it and she suddenly went wierd and said she needed to read it first. I asked if everything was okay and she suddenly said she wasn't very happy and said that I've been "inflexible" !!

She then went on to me about how she can't afford to lost out on money etc etc.

I think she's going to stitch me over now.

What can I do?

She's paid until the end of January... can I say to her that I can't have X again until she has signed the contract? I guess I'm not insured to have him unless I've got a signed contract, am I?

Pipsqueak · 10-01-2012, 06:38 PM

What do you mean the contract has gone out of date? did you have an end date on it then?

A contract does not have an 'end date' - a review date is not an end date a review is just that - hey Mrs X - are all these details correct and still workign ok for you - great...... contract continues with minor changes or amendments or none....

You need to get tough with this parent pronto sweetie - explain to her that there is 'no credit' only days you have generously allowed to be flexible.
I would be writing her a letter addressing her comments of being inflexible and resist the urge to tell her is UNflexible actually!

Lots of us here willing to help with letter to snotty parent

so instead of being upset - fight back NOW and with force

**Zoomie** · 10-01-2012, 06:42 PM

Unless you put an expiry date on your contract it will still be valid.

If you use NCMA contracts they are valid, until you either issue a termination letter. There is sometimes some't confusion because on the NcMA ones you can put a review date. This review date is just review, it doesn't change the contract unless you put changes in it.

I hope this is the case with you.

**sarah707** · 10-01-2012, 06:43 PM

Ouch!

There's a fine line between being flexible and being taken for a ride and I think this parent has crossed it.

Hugs xx

**buzzy bee** · 10-01-2012, 06:47 PM

Oh thank you so much - you have made me feel so much better!!

I thought it meant the contract was out of date.

Do you think I should treat this as a "complaint" then, and respond to her in writing?

It makes me not wanna do nice things in future like swapping days if it just gets thrown back in my face!!

**EmmaReed84** · 10-01-2012, 07:09 PM

If it were me I would ask to have a meeting with. Things can be discussed easier face to face. I would explain there is not expiration date on the contract and that the 4 weeks notice will still stand if she wishes to terminate.

If she is happy to have a meeting then ask her to think about what she wants from a CM and you need to think about what you are prepared to do then agree on a solution. Explain you have been MORE than fair.

I have a child on contracted days. Parent called me to say that she didn't need me on one day, but needed a different day. I explained that as it was not a contracted day she would be charged and she told me she fully expected that as it was all written up in my parent pack when she first came to my setting.

**blue bear** · 10-01-2012, 07:14 PM

Did she actually complain or was it just moaning as such. Sounds to me like she wants and expects her own way and is a sulker when things don't go her way.
How flexible does she want you to be? Sorry I think she has been taking the biscuit too long. Lay it out as it is. Make it clear what the contract means and what you are prepared to do, no way would I be swapping days left right and centre.

**mushpea** · 10-01-2012, 07:17 PM

prehaps you could use this to adjust the contract so she cant just swop days and wont have credit to use if she does,, call a meeting with her and say this is to review the contract not end it and if shes at all unhappy with any aspect of it then she needs to bring it to your attention now.

**buzzy bee** · 10-01-2012, 09:08 PM

She's just emailed me 4 weeks notice

**EmmaReed84** · 10-01-2012, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by buzzy bee

She's just emailed me 4 weeks notice

Well good luck to her finding a more flexible CM than yourself... Me thinks she will be in for a shock. The phrase "The grass isnt always greener..." comes to mind... Oh and "Cut your nose to spite your face"... Silly silly woman, doesnt know what a good thing she had lol

**miffy** · 10-01-2012, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by buzzy bee

She's just emailed me 4 weeks notice

Don't mean to sound harsh but I think you're well rid.

Miffy xx

**Twinkles** · 10-01-2012, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by buzzy bee

She's just emailed me 4 weeks notice

Well I think you've had a lucky escape.

I love my job ( as do most of us ) but parents who keep pushing the boundaries and wanting something for nothing really wind me up.

This would be a good opportunity to add a paragraph to your fees policy along the lines of ;

' Contracted hours will be charged for whether used or not.....'

'Contracted hours are not transferable....'

' Further hours may be available if booked in advance and will be charged accordingly.....'

I have one particular family who's child is here only on a Monday and Friday.
Now I charge for bank holidays ( a whole other thread ) but sometimes , especially at Easter - if I have a space - I will offer her alternative days at no extra cost.
BUT not always , so I don't feel obliged to and she doesn't expect it.

**Happy Bunny** · 10-01-2012, 09:25 PM

I find that when you give parents an inch they take a mile.
I had one parent that moaned about my fee structure but I stuck to my guns, she gave notice and now pays more a month for childcare lol, I laughed when I found out.

**buzzy bee** · 10-01-2012, 09:29 PM

Thanks for the support.

I'm absolutely gutted. I've loved having him and up until about 3 hours ago I loved his mum - we've always got on really well and I'm so shocked that it has all ended so abrubtly and on such bad terms.

I'm still fairly new to this so I don't think I have a very good business head yet, but every child who has left me has left on bad terms with the parents.

I just never expected it would end on bad terms with this one because we've always got on so well.

**miffy** · 10-01-2012, 09:32 PM

Even the nicest parents can turn very quickly if things don't suit them. I feel sad for the lo who has no say in this.

Hugs

Miffy xx

**Zoomie** · 10-01-2012, 09:41 PM

**tashaleee** · 10-01-2012, 09:55 PM

Originally Posted by miffy

Even the nicest parents can turn very quickly if things don't suit them. I feel sad for the lo who has no say in this.

Hugs

Miffy xx

Totally agree with Miffy - even when you think they are 'nice' when it comes down to it they often turn.... it happens to most of us at some time sadly

**rickysmiths** · 10-01-2012, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by buzzy bee

Thanks for the support.

I'm absolutely gutted. I've loved having him and up until about 3 hours ago I loved his mum - we've always got on really well and I'm so shocked that it has all ended so abrubtly and on such bad terms.

I'm still fairly new to this so I don't think I have a very good business head yet, but every child who has left me has left on bad terms with the parents.

I just never expected it would end on bad terms with this one because we've always got on so well.

Its not nice is it but when it comes to money the best ever parents can turn. It not you its the current culture of what can I do to not pay money. Just make sure you tie up all the loose ends with regard paperwork etc. and let it go. You are the better person.

**Wendybird** · 11-01-2012, 09:22 AM

Originally Posted by buzzy bee

I'm still fairly new to this so I don't think I have a very good business head yet, but every child who has left me has left on bad terms with the parents.

I'm so sorry this didn't go how you wanted it to. From what you've written it sounds like she's being totally unreasonable. However, if every parent has left on bad terms I'd be thinking about how you are doing your contracting process and how that gets communicated. Are parents unclear, do you write one thing and do another? Do you go through contracts with them point by point or perhaps downplay the business side of things? Are your policies clear and consistent? Do parents have copies to refer to at home? Is your invoicing professional and clear? I suppose it is the same as with the children, if you are clear, calm and consistent about the boundaries (terms of service) everyone behaves better as they know where they stand and what the rules are.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful and forgive me if I'm way off base. I used to be a therapist and believe that the contracting process is a very important part of building good business relationships. Once I figured out how to manage that process in a clear and authentic manner it solved many of the recurrent issues I was having with clients.

**little chickee** · 11-01-2012, 11:26 AM

I've been in similar situations in my first few years of cm. I've been minding for 4 years now and only just feel that i am getting things right.

I have made lots of mistakes with paperwork, giving in to parents demands, not paying on time, etc etc.

I have learned a valuable lesson from every mistake i have made and in a way have been glad i've made the mistake so i can learn from it.

Chin up, chalk it up to experience and move on.