How do you cope with the 'Santa' thing?

[uf353432]

This is a huge problem for me this year. My own daughters are 6 & 3.

Around 4 weeks ago an 8 yr old mindee told my 6yr old that santa does not exist. I've had up to 9 kids sitting around the dining table from 5 different familes in the meantime all discussing how santa does his thing - all different 'things' santa doesn't appear to work in the same way. I'm beginning to think that I have missed a trick that I should have a question on their all about me on what do they communicate to their chilren about santa.

I had a call from a parent saying my daughter is now using her new found knowledge at school and telling her school friends that he doesn't exist and to be honest I don't blame her - I mean if she wasn't told then because everyone tells it differently she was bound to start questioning the validity of the story.

So how do you deal with it? how do you balance the whole we don't talk to strangers, we don't take gifts from strangers, we lock our doors at night to stop intruders - and then we make an exception for this jolly little fellow one night of the year? how do children determine which is the good santa amonst all the folk dressed up as santa that they might see leading up to xmas. How do you explain seeing santa in B&Q grotto?

I'm really interested on how you all manage this - one parent suggested I was deliberately evasive, another encourages the full blown lie and I struggle with the idea of lying and getting tied up in which lie I used etc.

[mum2two]

I've never had them question FC coming into the house as a stranger... All our doors are locked, and as we don't have a fireplace, we leave out santa's magic key. It needs some magic from him to make it work in our lock - so only he can get in!

We see FC in Harrods and as you have to book an appointment time, we tell ours this is the real one - that's why you have to book to see him.

All the others we see are his helpers, as he's so busy getting ready in the north pole too, and fitting in the appointments he needs some secret helpers!!

They get a pressie (pj's) from FC on xmas eve, and a letter too, which his elves deliver, doing one last check they've been good. Then all pressies out once in bed - nothings under the tree before. Stocking pressies are from santa, stuff under the tree is from us.

DD (9) has been told santa doesn't exist, and I've asked her how do all the pressies get there then?? Why do we go & visit santa?? Who are the elves working for??? I've told her it's up to her what she believes - but if the elves hear she doesn't believe, then santa won't fill her stocking!

As for questioning that other children do it differently - I've told mine that it happens differently in def houses, as FC has so much to fit into one night, that some people have their pressies under the tree before xmas, so he doesn't have so much to carry, and he can be quicker in some houses just doing the stockings!!

xx

[cockatoos]

I have this problem as well. I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old but have never really pushed the idea of Father Christmas. The older one knows but also knows that younger children do believe this. I wink at my son when we talk about father christmas - he likes to be in 'the know' with the adults.

However, I mind an 11 year old who matter of factly said to a 7 year old mindee that the tooth fairy doesn't exsist, just like father christmas. I managed to avert this slightly by whispering to him that even though he and I know this, little ones still beleive this and to play along with the 'game'. We haven't had any more issues so far.

I'm not sure that helps! Most of my mindees are only children so we have to do a lot of talking about respecting other people, their feelings and beliefs.

Amy

[rosebud]

I've had this in the past and just took the child to one side and told him that we don't talk about it in front of younger children. He seemed to quite like the idea that we were in on a secret together.
My daughter is currently questioning (just started junior school) and I've told her that if she doesn't believe then Santa won't leave any presents.
I find it quite funny how different families tell their children different things. For example in our family if we see a Robin then its Santas Robin checking whether they're being good and the Robin will report back if they're not. A friend once told her children that the red lights on the alarm sensors that flash on and off were Santa keeping an eye on them.
I tend to be quite vague when talking with the mindees about christmas and let their parents discuss the specifics so they can keep up their own traditions.

[kindredspirits]

my son has never been told about santa but is aware of him from tv programmes etc. every time the conversation about santa comes up i change the subject! lol
I have told him that he is not allowed to tell anyone that Santa is pretend as it would upset them and he is happy with that.

[nikki thomson]

My own children know that Santa is magic as we have no chimney so he comes through the key hole!!! They also know that the Santa's in grotto's are not the real Santa they are Santa's helpers and no one see 's the real Santa.
One of my schoolies told my son that Santa wasn't real I was less than impressed and had a word with him, it's fine that he's grown out of it but my 3 still believe snd it's so magical for them I want it to last for as long as I can. X

[nipper]

I think if an older mindee told my little ones, then I would have to have a little word, but I will cross that bridge when it happens.

My ds (7) is in year 3 at school and to be honest with you I'm surprised he hasn't said anything, you know what the older juniors can be like!

When I used to teach Year 5&6 I would always tell them around this time of year that 'if you don't believe in him, then he won't come'. I'm certainly not going to tell my son that it is a big lie; he can work that one out for himself when the time comes. I also used to tell them that it was not fair on the little ones to tell them and that their parents would be none too impressed either.

Remember if you don't believe in him, he won't come...

[Pipsqueak]

Well sorry to disappoint you ALL - but the Big Man DOES exist and he DOES come to this house and I have seen him so ner ner ner


I don't what all this worrying is about telling fibs to kids about FC and him being a stranger and all that - funnily enough generations of kids before ours, including us dealt admirably with FC and then finding out he is perhaps a figment of our parents imaginations......

All my older children who don't believe any more are all under pain of death that they are too keep the secret for the little ones.... period and there is to be no 'ooops I nearly told' laugh-it-offs - older children would be banned for the duration of the festive period if that happens.....

[karen m]

when mine were little ,we had the alarm sensor idea they thought it was great,now we have the same thing with grandson

[uf353432]

Well I have taken matter into my own hands and sent an urgent christmas email to all parents asking them all to have the talk with their older kids that in my house santa exists and they must not let slip if they don't think he does. I never considered that one of them might let slip the secret - but hopefully damage limitation will ensure that even the most serious of my older mindee's will let a little magic in this season.

[sillysausage]

I put this link in a different post last week. I think it could be a good way of explaining to older children how they need to keep the magic in christmas and not spoil it for younger ones.

[PixiePetal]

my children were about 6 or 7 when I told them about the man in red. They asked many questions which led the way to the truth coming out. DD was the oldest and enjoyed being in on it for her brother. They were fine with it all and kept it up for all mindee since.


I did not want to keep up the whole thing as it has to stop sometime (but I swear I did see him when he flew past my window when I was a kid! ) I did not want other children telling them in the juniors when they started year 3. It worked this way for me but I am happy for anyone to keep going longer and respect that decision too.

I do have a quiet word with parents if they are of a questioning age as to what their story is - would be easier if we all had the same one (bit like inspections!!) Children are usually too busy thinking about the excitement, the ones who question a lot are usually ready to know the truth, but it will never come from me or my family

[PixiePetal]

I put this link in a different post last week. I think it could be a good way of explaining to older children how they need to keep the magic in christmas and not spoil it for younger ones.

that is lovely and a great way to explain brought a tear to my eye

[singingcactus]

I really think the whole, santa is a stranger and an intruder and a person we should not accept gifts from is a little silly to be honest. Santa is an institution, he is a tradition in our country, he is a known and accepted member of the holiday seasons, just like the easter bunny and the tooth fairy etc. He is a little bit of magic in the lives of children and adults alike.

My eldest 2 would never have dreamed of telling other kids at school that santa was not real when they found out. They have enough compassion to keep that to themselves. I know my youngest will never tell other kids if ans when he stops believing.

Every family celebrates christmas differently. Santa knows each and every child, and their families so he knows how each and every family want to celebrate christmas, and what each and every family need from him on the big day. Whether it is putting gifts under a tree, filling up the already wrapped, but empty boxes that are waiting, or just filling the stockings. Santa knows what the grown ups in each house want him to do. This is why it is different in each home. Cos Santa knows us all, and knows what we want.

this also proved he is not a stranger.

He is not an intruder either, he is an invited guest. Why else would we leave milk, whiskey, brandy, cookies, mince pies, carrots etc for him and his livestock, if not to invite him in.

Keep the magic alive and stop trying to overthink it. It's magic. That's all, just magic.

[jane5]

When my son was about 7 or 8 he started to question whether father christmas was real and I said SSSSSHHHHHH dont let the elves hear you because he wont come if you dont believe.

He is now 18 and I still say the same

I also remember my mum telling me that the tooth fairy wasnt real and it was a real shock because I had no idea

I was gutted every time my younger brother got money from the tooth fairy and I didnt because I had been told it was dad putting the money under the rug

[uf353432]

wow - impressed that you have this all figured out, though can't help feeling i've just been given a slapped backside from my mother, and been told my child has no compassion to boot - so thanks for erm putting me firmly back in my box. I actually like the arguements you have presented - but not really enjoying the tone in which it was delivered. I posed the question because I needed advice - not because I was looking to be admonished for not being up on the whole santa thing. My bad!!

I really think the whole, santa is a stranger and an intruder and a person we should not accept gifts from is a little silly to be honest. Santa is an institution, he is a tradition in our country, he is a known and accepted member of the holiday seasons, just like the easter bunny and the tooth fairy etc. He is a little bit of magic in the lives of children and adults alike.

My eldest 2 would never have dreamed of telling other kids at school that santa was not real when they found out. They have enough compassion to keep that to themselves. I know my youngest will never tell other kids if ans when he stops believing.

Every family celebrates christmas differently. Santa knows each and every child, and their families so he knows how each and every family want to celebrate christmas, and what each and every family need from him on the big day. Whether it is putting gifts under a tree, filling up the already wrapped, but empty boxes that are waiting, or just filling the stockings. Santa knows what the grown ups in each house want him to do. This is why it is different in each home. Cos Santa knows us all, and knows what we want.

this also proved he is not a stranger.

He is not an intruder either, he is an invited guest. Why else would we leave milk, whiskey, brandy, cookies, mince pies, carrots etc for him and his livestock, if not to invite him in.

Keep the magic alive and stop trying to overthink it. It's magic. That's all, just magic.

[singingcactus]

wow - impressed that you have this all figured out, though can't help feeling i've just been given a slapped backside from my mother, and been told my child has no compassion to boot - so thanks for erm putting me firmly back in my box. I actually like the arguements you have presented - but not really enjoying the tone in which it was delivered. I posed the question because I needed advice - not because I was looking to be admonished for not being up on the whole santa thing. My bad!!

Sorry you read it that way, it wasn't written like that honestly. I was talking about my kids not inferring anything about yours. There isn't a tone, just my opinion

[uf353432]

ok dokes - really want to get it right by the way -I wish when you give birth to your child you get a pamphekt giving you advise on how to deal with the whole santa things- because its fine when you are discussing in your own family -- but when you get other families and kids involved it all gets confusing and I just could not think for the life of me how to communicate it correctly - ie keeping the magic, but also being evasive on details and ensuring I don't burst any dresma by saying it wrong - like I said I like some of the reasons youpresented and I hope they resonate with my 6 yr old - I don't think she actually wants santa to be a story right now - and is desperate for some answers that make it all true in her head. So operaion - ramp up xmas spirit this weekend

[samb]

I actually quite like the idea of having a box on the all about me form for what do you tell your child about Santa... In fact I am thinking about doing a questionnaire for parents or even maybe a policy that states what I will do/say...

Thank you for bringing this up.

My own dd is 6 and is petrified of Father Christmas. When she was 3 she completely freaked out when we left snacks for him and the reindeer and said he would be coming to leave her presents. She wouldnt settle and it was a nightmare! She kept getting up crying that she didn't know him and didnt want him coming in the house! In the end we said Daddy would meet him outside and she was ok with this. So now in our home, Daddy brings the presents and puts them in the xmas sack - which to be honest is so much easier - I mean if they get up and see Daddy then thats the plan anyway so its ok! I was also always told "if you dont believe he wont come" - when I was 10 I thought I would check and wrote a letter with 1 present on it and posted it. I didnt tell my parents and my plan was if I got it then he must be real - I didn't get it and told my Mum. She did the whole wow now you are like the grown ups making magic xmas wishes come true for the children - I had a younger brother and another one 18 months later so helped keep the magic alive.

[Trpta108]

I tell my children, that if they believe it, then he exists. Ever watched Polar express?