My daughter is losing me business

**Helcatt** · 30-11-2011, 09:44 PM

My three year old, is lively, to say the least! She can be very boisterous, cheeky, well, the list goes on and on!

I am convinced, more now than ever, that we lose contracts if parents meet her on the first visit

We met a lady this afternoon, looking for full time care for her boy from January. All went well, liked paperwork, like the place, garden, toys, set up etc. Pleased we had a space.All went well, we seemed to gel quite well too. Similar views on feeding, sleeping, discipline etc

But once J ran around like a manic (she was upstairs with dad to start with) scared the boy senseless by shreaking, snatched toys and pushed other mindee, I could tell that the vibe had all changed and I would be surprised if I heard from this woman again

I am so upset by the behaviour. We were distracting her, removing her from the situation, all the right things but she was/has been in one of those moods for over a week now and after things calming down and us thinking she was getting easier to deal with, it has all got much worse again

Yesterday and this morning, she even stayed at home with hubby while I went out with the others, just to try to get the message across to her

Thankfully, I have had three enquiries in the last two days so I am not concerned that the space won't be filled but even so.......

**mum26** · 30-11-2011, 10:22 PM

Hi,

Must admit my daughter was like this when she was younger. I did try to make sure she wasn't around at a first meeting as I knew she would play up and I probably wouldn't see the parent again! She would always want a toy that a prospective mindee might have and be generally argumentative. Once she went to pre-school it was a little easier as I tried to arrange parent meetings at that time. If I did have to meet a parent when she was around I would try to make sure that she had lots to occupy her-maybe toys that she hadn't seen for a while, or a different activity which wouldn't need too much supervision. She is better now - she is 7 - although can still have her moments. She loves younger children - especially babies - so is quite happy when parents come to visit with them-I suppose they are not near her age so maybe she doesn't see them as a threat.

Sorry, not a lot of advice, but it does get better.

**The Juggler** · 30-11-2011, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by mum26

Hi,

Must admit my daughter was like this when she was younger. I did try to make sure she wasn't around at a first meeting as I knew she would play up and I probably wouldn't see the parent again! She would always want a toy that a prospective mindee might have and be generally argumentative. Once she went to pre-school it was a little easier as I tried to arrange parent meetings at that time. If I did have to meet a parent when she was around I would try to make sure that she had lots to occupy her-maybe toys that she hadn't seen for a while, or a different activity which wouldn't need too much supervision. She is better now - she is 7 - although can still have her moments. She loves younger children - especially babies - so is quite happy when parents come to visit with them-I suppose they are not near her age so maybe she doesn't see them as a threat.

Sorry, not a lot of advice, but it does get better.

me too. she spent the entireity of one interview hanging from my neck with me trying to smile, answer questions and stay patient

after that, Dad had always 'just taken her to the park'

**josiebumpkin** · 30-11-2011, 10:29 PM

My daughter is super confident too and she is only 20 months. When people come to visit she goes to see her grandma and Granddad and she is fine once they have started she hates me chatting and my attention not being fully on the children and visits make her behave like a caged animal.

If my daughter sees that I am uncomfortable or bothered by her behaviour it makes her do it more - we just had a biting phase which disappeared once I stopped telling her off for doing it and ignored her behaviour.

What about a sticker chart with simple goals for her to achieve?

**snufflepuff** · 30-11-2011, 10:40 PM

It's tricky isn't it!
BUT to be honest I think I'm of the opinion that they should take us as we are- my son is spirited, boisterous, stubborn, cheeky....and yes he is naughty at times. But he's a 2 year old. If they don't like him that's their problem, I'd rather they went elsewhere. If they sign up but worry constantly about how my son might be behaving, it might just cause problems.

**EmmaReed84** · 30-11-2011, 10:49 PM

This is eactly why I always request to meet parents out of hours when my kids are in bed... All children are little angels, when sleeping lol. I also use this time to talk about my family and my children and let them know my kids are lively.

If I get a second visit I usually talk to my kids before hand and talk about expected behaviour and consequences, good behaviour = trip to the park afterwards, bad behviour = no trip. I have also perfected "the look" when I so the look the kids instantly stop what they are doing lol

**FussyElmo** · 01-12-2011, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by EmmaReed84

This is eactly why I always request to meet parents out of hours when my kids are in bed... All children are little angels, when sleeping lol. I also use this time to talk about my family and my children and let them know my kids are lively.

If I get a second visit I usually talk to my kids before hand and talk about expected behaviour and consequences, good behaviour = trip to the park afterwards, bad behviour = no trip. I have also perfected "the look" when I so the look the kids instantly stop what they are doing lol

I have the look at can stop any other child dea in their tracks. My ds thinks it doesnt mean him.

onceinabluemoon · 01-12-2011, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by Helcatt

My three year old, is lively, to say the least! She can be very boisterous, cheeky, well, the list goes on and on!

I am convinced, more now than ever, that we lose contracts if parents meet her on the first visit

We met a lady this afternoon, looking for full time care for her boy from January. All went well, liked paperwork, like the place, garden, toys, set up etc. Pleased we had a space.All went well, we seemed to gel quite well too. Similar views on feeding, sleeping, discipline etc

But once J ran around like a manic (she was upstairs with dad to start with) scared the boy senseless by shreaking, snatched toys and pushed other mindee, I could tell that the vibe had all changed and I would be surprised if I heard from this woman again

I am so upset by the behaviour. We were distracting her, removing her from the situation, all the right things but she was/has been in one of those moods for over a week now and after things calming down and us thinking she was getting easier to deal with, it has all got much worse again

Yesterday and this morning, she even stayed at home with hubby while I went out with the others, just to try to get the message across to her

Thankfully, I have had three enquiries in the last two days so I am not concerned that the space won't be filled but even so.......

Oh dear, I can't say I blame the parent if she doesn't get back to you, I would want to place my child in a setting where he would be scared or bullied either.

you say you do all the right thing, but perhaps you need to look at it again as its clearly not the right thing as it doesn't work. Not all children respond to the softly softly approach, some need a firmer hand, time outs and a cross voice now and then. Making her stay at home with hubby hours and hours after the event is not going to be effective as its too long after the event to be linked to it (even if you tell her it is because xyz - it needs to be done at the time).

I'm not trying to be judgemental even though it's coming over like that, just trying to offer alternative ideas. x

**kindredspirits** · 01-12-2011, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by FussyElmo

I have the look at can stop any other child dea in their tracks. My ds thinks it doesnt mean him.

LOL me too!! In fact my DS has taken to wondering around saying 'I can do whatever I want to' when I tell him to stop jumping on the sofa etc..... believe me words have been had and toys have been confiscated for that sort of teenage strop (he's 4)

**Twinkle-Toes** · 01-12-2011, 07:48 AM

I have this but my daughter is 6..... any tips

**EmmaReed84** · 01-12-2011, 07:53 AM

My older son knows exactly what the look means and knows if he is getting the look then that is his yellow card... One more time it is a red card! My younger son knows the look and usually stops, but giggles and says sorry... He so far has not seent he full consequences of the look, just knowing how his brother reacts is enough lol.

I used to work in a shop where we had live phones and iPads for demonstrating and kids would come in and play and although we were not allowed to ask them to leave alone. I would ask if I could help them and give them the look... They soon moved lol!

**WibbleWobble** · 01-12-2011, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by EmmaReed84

This is eactly why I always request to meet parents out of hours when my kids are in bed... All children are little angels, when sleeping lol. I also use this time to talk about my family and my children and let them know my kids are lively.

If I get a second visit I usually talk to my kids before hand and talk about expected behaviour and consequences, good behaviour = trip to the park afterwards, bad behviour = no trip. I have also perfected "the look" when I so the look the kids instantly stop what they are doing lol

i have the look too and after 24 years of perfecting it i can actually get my 24 yr old to cry just by looking at her! also i never say i am cross.....i am always disappointed,,,,,

**wendywu** · 01-12-2011, 09:22 AM

I would have got dad to keep her upstairs or go out with her

**AliceK** · 01-12-2011, 10:01 AM

I have found myself apologising for my DD's behaviour many times but I don't think it's put anyone off. I am firm with her and treat her exactly the same way as I would if a potential parent wasn't there and on 1 occasion this has resulted in her having meltdown

. I think parents can see that all children are little monkeys sometimes and just because we are childminders doesn't mean we have perfect children and I always let parents know I can be quite strict. I think they like that. I always feels it's my own children that let me down but they're both usually worse at pick-up times when I'm trying to talk to parents. Don't worry so much

xxxxx

**~Grasshopper~** · 01-12-2011, 10:46 AM

snap. my son is now 4 1/2 and at school thank the lord

ive lost parents because of him being crazy. one time he took the ladies car key and wouldnt tell her where they were till she left her baby with us, omg i could have killed him. she did sign the contracts but then decided not to go back to work hmmmmm wonder why lol.

now i arrange visits when he isnt here and make him go to his room at pick up times if he doesnt behave, he's getting better and is fine when its just us and the children but when parents arrives he turns into a different child.

id make sure she is at nursery (if she goes ) or arrange evening meetings.

xx

**Helen79** · 01-12-2011, 11:01 AM

Try not to blame your dd too much, my ds is the same and mindee who's 2 behaves the same when other parents are here. I think it's very common. I think excluding her from activities with mindees probaly won't help the behaviour.

I had an ofsted inspection in April and ds's behaviour was horrible. My inspection ended up being void due to other reasons and I had another a few weeks later so I made sure that he was in nursery that day. Oddly enough I got a better grade on the 1st inspection when he was here and behaving badly

**VeggieSausage** · 01-12-2011, 01:43 PM

Mine behaves terribly if I have prospective parents around, or even if I am talking to parents on the doorstep - so I always make sure she isn't here for anything like that

**candy cat** · 01-12-2011, 01:44 PM

I am always proud to introduce my children to potential parents.....and NO THEY ARE NOT ANGELS!! As a parent if I was choosing childcare then I would want to see the other children that my child would be sharing most of their day with. I think maybe some first time mums are often so caught up in their own child and how perfect they are and that they will never be a 'testing 2,3, year olds' that instantly puts them off.... I have had a couple of parents like that, but I instantly knew we wouldn't work together as they would be fussy

Maybe it's time to look at your behavioural policy again and don't hide your lo away, get her involved and if she is a pickle deal with it in front of parents that's what they want to see. good luck

**uf353432** · 01-12-2011, 02:37 PM

My 2 daughters couldn't be more different - my oldest is head strong, strong willed, spirited - take your pick. My youngest my comparison is an angel. But having either around at point of interview has never put me off, nor has managing their behaviour in front of parents. Seeing you deal with the challenges children throw up is excellant for parents and knowing our children are less than perfect is useful as well.

Thing you have to remember is your daughter is at an age where she is pushing boundaries - testing how far she can push them and how much attention that gets her. Its all perfectly normal stage of her development for all parents to a greater or lesser degree.

I would simply say in a calm professional voice to a parent 'please excuse my daughter, these are only attention seeking antics because she currently is sharing mummy, and is not getting my full attention, i'm going to ignore this behaviour, but if it esculates i'll ask her to leave the room'

Don't be embarrassed about her - it may not be your daughters behaviour that doesn't win you the contract - but the way in which you deal with the behaviour that doesn't seal the deal with this particular parent.

ALso remember its just a phase - it will not always be like this (fingers crossed)

**The Juggler** · 01-12-2011, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by uf353432

My 2 daughters couldn't be more different - my oldest is head strong, strong willed, spirited - take your pick. My youngest my comparison is an angel. But having either around at point of interview has never put me off, nor has managing their behaviour in front of parents. Seeing you deal with the challenges children throw up is excellant for parents and knowing our children are less than perfect is useful as well.

Thing you have to remember is your daughter is at an age where she is pushing boundaries - testing how far she can push them and how much attention that gets her. Its all perfectly normal stage of her development for all parents to a greater or lesser degree.

I would simply say in a calm professional voice to a parent 'please excuse my daughter, these are only attention seeking antics because she currently is sharing mummy, and is not getting my full attention, i'm going to ignore this behaviour, but if it esculates i'll ask her to leave the room'

Don't be embarrassed about her - it may not be your daughters behaviour that doesn't win you the contract - but the way in which you deal with the behaviour that doesn't seal the deal with this particular parent.

ALso remember its just a phase - it will not always be like this (fingers crossed)

I totally agree that potential parents SHOULD meet your children before signing but at first meeting depending on the child it isn't always helpful. I could nver speak or explain anything to new parents as my daughter would be playfully climbing on my head or hanging round my neck - it really wasn't productive. I didn't lose any business because of it (the first 2 times) but after that I just decided it was better if they were out with Dad so I could concentrate on parents questions and deal with any worries.

I didn't feel I was embarrassed about them I just felt it wasn't productive so OP if you feel it's easier to meet them first time with your DD on an outing then do so. The parents can meet her next time.

Now I always try to meet new parents when mindees are here (dd is at school now) so they see them but they don't tend to climb all over me in the same way