Toddler group this morning

[JCrakers]

Hi,

This morning at toddler group there was a new Mum who Ive only seen twice. She has a little boy who is probably about 2.5yrs but he's a very large boy and because of his size, charges about and made a few kids cry.

Half way through we always sit down in a circle and sing. But before we sing the lady who runs the group rolls a ball to each child saying their name so they can roll it back.
So all the children are sat down really lovely including my two mindees. All sitting patiently waiting for their turn There were about 25 kids.
The little boy who doesnt have any concept of sharing starts to snatch the ball form each child and throw it in the air hitting a few children on the head, including one of mine.
So we are all sat there waiting and after each child is passed the ball he strides over and takes it from each one and because of his size and strength is able to. The lady who runs it is trying to be friendly but i can see after about 10mins, shes getting hacked off. Everyone is looking at each other and Mum does nothing to stop him. So when the ball is passed to a child, the mum of the child holds onto it tightly and doesnt let him have it...making him cry. He then goes and sits with his Mum.

It was so awkward. Feel sorry for Mum who doesnt have a clue how to handle him
I would be mortified if my two mindees or own children did it.

[Ripeberry]

There are always parents like that. Maybe try and make friends with her next time. She must have been so mortified that she could not move or speak!

[sharonmanc]

My daughter does not do well in activities like this, we have something similar at our play group and she just does not engage at all, the same with rhyme time, saying that she is not like the above mentioned child, and if she did anything to interrupt the other children i would be the first their to stop it, it really gets me when parents jut sit and watch and do not do anything. I am sure some people see there groups as a way to sit down and do nothing for a few hours, and not as an opportunity to engage with their kids if they want it.

[rickysmiths]

We have one with a small 18mth old who is allowed to climb on and off all the chairs and in fact this morning mum was encouraging him to do it

[littlegremlins]

I don't understand mums who have an opportunity to prevent a pattern of behaviour and do nothing...that mum should have got off her backside when he was going over and taking it off kids and taken him away and said 'no'...it seems saying 'no' these days is really hard for some people

[onceinabluemoon]

Did none of the leaders or other parents/CMs actually stand up and tell her that the LO should be sat down waiting his turn?

TBH I think the leader should have just said in the first place 'he needs to sit down and wait his turn dear' to the mum and then this wouldn't have been an issue.

The child may also have some sort of unseen disability, or the parent at their wits end with nobody to talk to (the parent may have had an unseen disability too). A friendly voice could have been no end of help for somebody who is struggling.

Why are humans so quick to judge and so slow to be of help?

[Nature'sKids!]

Did none of the leaders or other parents/CMs actually stand up and tell her that the LO should be sat down waiting his turn?

TBH I think the leader should have just said in the first place 'he needs to sit down and wait his turn dear' to the mum and then this wouldn't have been an issue.

The child may also have some sort of unseen disability, or the parent at their wits end with nobody to talk to (the parent may have had an unseen disability too). A friendly voice could have been no end of help for somebody who is struggling.

Why are humans so quick to judge and so slow to be of help?

Yes, I second this.
I said something similar about a grandad and his son once and regretted it later on because I was put in his shoes. Ds went through a very difficult stage and I had people telling me "it's because he doesn't "socialise" (ie he is at home with me not in nursery so bull ) or that "we don't want him coming to playgroups because he can't socialise properly" (ie pushing, hitting,...)
Essentially they were saying it's my fault for not socialising him enough but I shouldn't take them to playgroups to socialise because he could hurricane kids... Nobody offered to help guide him, they all just expected him to learn immediately. And they expected me to punish him, which I just don't think is right. (I wanted him to learn empathy and understanding of how to cope in social situations, not fear of punishment to stop him doing things)

Anyway, a bit of a ramble. To others it may have seemed like i was "letting him get away with it" but what I was trying to do went unnoticed and I got judged and shouted at and my "friends" abandoned me and left me depressed, I had suicidal thoughts and wanted to just get out of this he'll hole where nobody supported me but everyone "knew better".
It's not always as black and White as that. There were many times when ds would do stuff like run around during circle time and I would have to hold the tears back and had no energy to do anything anymore because I was alone.
I stopped going for a long time and with that was even more isolated. It was horrible. If someone would've just come up to me, or my "friends" - one oxygen who pushed ds 1,5 metres across the room(!!!) after he "brushed their babies hair" a bit too hard and made her cry, would have just said we'll work together instead of judging and talking behind my back, things would be very different now.
It still Hurts.

[Ripeberry]

Sorry you had such a hard time at group. Sometimes those places are so clique and if you don't 'fit' they can make your life hell
I'm not scared of telling other people's kids off, especially in softplays, but I do worry when a little kid says he's going to get his Dad to beat me up, and this was from a 4yr old that was battering other kids in the ball pit.

The Dad never turned up by the way

[flowerpots]

Wether there is an underlying disability or not i think the leader should still have asked him to sit down and wait his turn.

[JCrakers]

The lady who was in charge did make light of it at first and said 'go and sit with Mum' etc. but after 5mins just gave up. 5mins is quite a long time when you have 25 children sitting and waiting.
Mum was laughing although I think a lot of people didn't think it was funny.

I do see it from both sides. Mum should have more discipline in place but she might not know how to deal with it so probably needed some support with it but to sit there laughing at him I dont think was the correct approach.
To let him snatch of a couple of children would have been a cue to take him away from the situation but to sit and watch him snatch of every single child and then throw the ball and hit other children on the head and think it was funny??

Anyhoo who am I to question peoples parenting...mines not perfect

[Nature'sKids!]

Ah well at least my autocorrects made me laugh!! Sorry can't edit on my phone

Hurricane = could hurt
Oxygen = one of which

[lauren1979]

Waiting for a ball to go round 25 children to get to you sounds really hard for an adult let alone a 2 year old boy!

I used to go to one of these singing type groups, some of the kids, including mine (this was before I minded) used to run about during the quiet bits (outside the circle) but join in with the full body dancing/actions/singing...waiting turns quietly is just not natural to little children - boys especially.
Maybe he could have an instrument or help the younger children to roll the ball? That's if the Mum dares come back to all the mortified faces!

[stardust]

Maybe mum needs to be shown how to tell him.
It can be so daunting in this day and age because you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Tell your child off your a bad parent, if you don't tell them off your a bad parent.
Some people are terrified of confrontation. My friend walks down the street with her head down and when i asked why she said its because shes not as confident as me and she doesn't want people to talk to her because she feels uncomfortable talking back. Maybe mum is the same? Its hard to go to a new group, everyone is in their own groups, no one makes an effort to talk to you so you feel uncomfortable, your weary of everything you do, worried you'll be judged. Your unsure wether to step in or to let it pass. Not everyone is some super confident person who knows exactually what they are doing with children.
Maybe shes a single parent with lots going on?
Maybe hes and only child and like that at home and toddlers is mums only down time?
Maybe little one has a unknown disability?
Maybe just maybe mum is not maternal and is struggling or has post natal depression or something.
So many factors can come into play and sometimes a lot of the above can be helped by someone taking a few mins to talk to mum or to step in when needed.

Maybe if someone would have said to the little boy 'no thank you, you need to wait. come and sit down and it will be your turn next.' He would have sat down and waited?? But no one tried.

[littlecheeks]

to be honest the way your post reads it sounds as if your looking down your nose at this poor mum and child. i know it can be frustrating when parents don't try to manage behaviour, but you never know someone's situation.

maybe this boy has special needs? or the mum just struggles? maybe people should try making friends with her and seeing if you can support her rather then all looking at each other. mind you, she may not return if she didn't feel welcome.