Naughty step for older kids?

[BlondeMoment]

Hi everyone,
Hope half term isn't driving you too crazy yet lol.
I'm just wondering....how do you discipline the older kids?
Up to about 6 I'd use time out step but I have a 9 year old who's been really cheeky today and is really pushing his luck.

[watgem]

I was told by Ofsted that using time out or a naughty step is not acceptable and that it is really frowned on by Ofsted inspectors if they see it in a childminders policy, but she didn't say what would be acceptable and I was too surprised to ask her. Perhaps you could ask what parents do at home, though all of mine said the naughty step!

[vaughny82]

I was told we are meant to call it a thinking step if anything. ?

I think a bit of toilet cleaning would do the trick with your 9 yr old

[Dragonfly]

quote:-
I think a bit of toilet cleaning would do the trick with your 9 yr old


Thats so funny.

[newbie1512]

Sorry but I dont agree with naughty step, could you not use a time out step, thats what I have here and it works

[chez]

yes I was told that the naughty step/time out was a huge no by our deveoplement officer.
When I asked what we should do she gave me this example

Child X pushes over child Y.

Take child X and sit somewhere quiet and read a book, do some quiet playing until the child is calm enough to come back to play.
Child Y clearly has been left out of this and is going to be upset.
I pointed out that if I did this the children will only learn that to get my attention they need to hurt one another, she tried to reasure me that that wasnt the case.

[AliceK]

I use a time-out spot for LO's and for older ones I call it the thinking spot. Just takes them away from the "situation" for a few minutes. I understood we are not allowed to call it a "Naughty" step as we are not meant to use the N word.
All my parents know I use Time-out and are happy with it, most also use it at home but they do call it the Naughty step.

xxxx

[jadavi]

You could separate them without calling it the naughty step if you have somewhere quiet he can sit.

[singingcactus]

I don't think the time out/naughty/whatever you fancy calling it step is appropriate for a 9 year old. I think, aside from the fact it would totally humiliate the 9yr, it would cause the 9 yr old to lose any respect for you at all, and only encourage even more outlandish behaviour. He will see that you have chosen to treat him like a very little kid and so he will act that way for you.

I also don't feel it's appropriate for a 6 year old, 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 year old. No matter what it is called.

[BlondeMoment]

Sorry but at no point did I say I called it "naughty step". It just so happens that the bottom step is the only place in my house that is away from the playing area and where I can remove a child to think or whatever you want to call it.

Ofsted had no problem with me using my bottom step as a time out place so maybe it's the way you do it.

And thats not the question I was asking.

Thank you to those of you who didn't see this question as an excuse to get on your high horse, and gave me some ideas x

[BlondeMoment]

I use a time-out spot for LO's and for older ones I call it the thinking spot. Just takes them away from the "situation" for a few minutes. I understood we are not allowed to call it a "Naughty" step as we are not meant to use the N word.
All my parents know I use Time-out and are happy with it, most also use it at home but they do call it the Naughty step.

xxxx

Me too. It' just that I'm really not sure what consequence I can give a 9 year old for acting up. We're all supposed to be going swimming tomorrow and I wish I could use that and say we won't go if this behavior continues but that wouldn't be fair on the others.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions?

[The Juggler]

i have no problem with a thinking step, or sofa or wherever they are (bench in park).

for a 9 year old I'd just make them sit at the kitchen table or something hon. Ofsted frown on the word naughty I don't see why they would frown on a child reflecting on their behaviour

[BlondeMoment]

yes I was told that the naughty step/time out was a huge no by our deveoplement officer.
When I asked what we should do she gave me this example

Child X pushes over child Y.

Take child X and sit somewhere quiet and read a book, do some quiet playing until the child is calm enough to come back to play.
Child Y clearly has been left out of this and is going to be upset.
I pointed out that if I did this the children will only learn that to get my attention they need to hurt one another, she tried to reasure me that that wasnt the case.

Gosh yes! What's that if it's not a reward. Time and attention for doing the wrong thing. Ofsted just need to say something so they can be considered as "helping".
If mine push the boundaries they are given a warning, then they are removed from the situation. They learn very quickly and I rarely have to follow up a warning once they know.

[BlondeMoment]

i have no problem with a thinking step, or sofa or wherever they are (bench in park).

for a 9 year old I'd just make them sit at the kitchen table or something hon. Ofsted frown on the word naughty I don't see why they would frown on a child reflecting on their behaviour

Exactly! Thank you Juggler. Thats a helpfull suggestion

[AliceK]

Me too. It' just that I'm really not sure what consequence I can give a 9 year old for acting up. We're all supposed to be going swimming tomorrow and I wish I could use that and say we won't go if this behavior continues but that wouldn't be fair on the others.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions?

Does he like to do anything particular when he's with you, maybe like playing on DS, Wii etc. Maybe that "privelidge" (sp) could be withdrawn for a time?
That's what I do with my DS anyway.

xxxx

[uf353432]

Sorry but at no point did I say I called it "naughty step". It just so happens that the bottom step is the only place in my house that is away from the playing area and where I can remove a child to think or whatever you want to call it.

Ofsted had no problem with me using my bottom step as a time out place so maybe it's the way you do it.

And thats not the question I was asking.

Thank you to those of you who didn't see this question as an excuse to get on your high horse, and gave me some ideas x

you kinda did in your post title - so that probably where people have made the connection and wanted to correct you.


With children of this age I find talking and entering into a pact with them works really well. I had an instance where an older child was agressive to a much younger child in my care. I checked the little one was ok, and asked the older one to go and sit quietly for a few minutes whilst I consoled the little one. Essentially it would be wherever the others are not - so the sofa, in the garden on a bench etc. Then i'd invite the child to join me for a 'chat' but it would be somewhere else like the dining room table, sitting next to and not opposite each other. I would then talk about what has happened, and reinforce why that is not acceptable behaviour. I'd be sure to ask for their take on it and then explain what the consequences are if they behave that way. In your case i'd be going down the role model route - the younger ones look to him to see how to behave, we must all be good role models - we wouldn't want the younger children to copy him - because if they didn't listen to you when out on the road etc they could get really hurt etc etc. Explain why you need him to behave and encourage his more responsible side. Say if he can behave then he can have X reward later (I find stickers still work up to 11 yrs as they are so competitive and it shows mum and dad that they behaved as well which often leads to greater reward). Once you have made an agreement - shake hands - then you can remind him about your agreement and that you shook on it.

[uf353432]

also check when you have your little chat that nothing is up, nothing is troubling him. Say something like - normally you don't give me this kind of hassle mate - is there something going on? do you feel ok? are you upset by anything? there may be an underlying reason for the behaviour which if resolved or at least discussed would nip the behaviour in the bud.

[Helen79]

I don't use a step for any age, if the children need time to think and get some space then they sit on the sofa or at the table and do a quiet activity like drawing or reading a book. Obviously if their behaviour has been bad then we'll have a chat once it's all calmed down.
So if Y hit X then Y might sit at the table to read a book while I comfort X, once X is ok, then I'll talk to Y to explain what they had done wrong, then they'd be allowed back to play.

Think about how you might have reacted to being sat on a 'thinking' or 'time out' step when you were 9? I would have been so humiliated and angry, it certainly wouldn't have made me behave any better or even reflect on my behaviour at all, I would have just felt cross at the person who had told me to sit there.

[rosebud]

Some children respond really well to being given some responsibility. So being asked to help with the LO's perhaps and then praise and reward for being helpful and telling parents in front of the child at pick up.

[BlondeMoment]

also check when you have your little chat that nothing is up, nothing is troubling him. Say something like - normally you don't give me this kind of hassle mate - is there something going on? do you feel ok? are you upset by anything? there may be an underlying reason for the behaviour which if resolved or at least discussed would nip the behaviour in the bud.

Funny enough this is exactly what I did after he acted up this afternoon on a trip to Asda. He was good as gold the rest of the day.

yes I guess I did use the word "naughty" in my heading. Oops. How "naughty" of me. Still wasn't the point tho