Fed up

[nipper]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but I'm feeling cheesed off (and that's putting it mildly). I've just started up as a childminder after 17 years of being a primary school teacher, mainly because I wanted to spend more time with ds 7 and dd4. We used to have a very long drive to work/school as their dad ans I worked at a boarding school. I hated getting them up early so we could be at work on time. Now they are in the school down the road, we walk there and it's just so much more relaxed...I actually get to see my house in the daytime IYSWIM.
I've started looking after a little lad in ds's class before and after school 6.30am/8pm which is a good start. The money isn't exactly rolling in, but I'm still grateful and it's better than a kick in the teeth.
As regards the business, I've made and posted hundreds of flyers, asked the school to put one of my posters on the notice board outside the playground, dropped off flyers at local mums and toddler groups, soft play etc. I'm not sure there is anything else I can do. Anyway, to cap it all, DH got home last night and after he had finished his tea, said "oh let's leave the dishes until tomorrow," so I think ok then and sit down in front of the tv.He then calls out from the office that he's found a parent local to us on childcare.co.uk and that I should reply to it. When I say I'll do it tomorrow, after all I've got loads of time on my hands, he then basically accuses me of sitting on my backside all day and doing nothing. Then out comes all the money issues and the fact that if this doesn't work we'll lose the house and everything. I wish he would just get it through his thick skull that I'm trying as hard as I can.
The ironic thing is that my local authority had a meeting last night at 7.30pm for new childminders to get together, but I knew because I had my mindee until 8pm I wouldn't be able to attend. I'd mentioned it in passing to dh earlier this week, just saying it might have been useful had I managed to attend and funnily enough mindees mum was poorly yesterday and collected him early, so I would have been able to go, but guess who came in late from work??????
I am just so cross with him and I'm actually beginning to think he's a total and utter bully. I've woken up upset and it's now 3.40am and I'm getting even more upset just thinking about it. Does anyone else have issues with unreasonable other halves???
Sorry to rant!
Emma

[Penny1959]

Oh dear it can be so hard can't it to explain everything.

I used to be a childminder (and so DH for 4 years) and then I de registered and worked for NCMA /LA for severn years - so had nice steady income all year round - the same as you would have in teaching.

I returned to childminding in 2010 with the backing of DH - so you think all would be well.

But no - as it took me almost 6 months to get mindees and he lost his job - we got in a right finacial mess (which still trying to sort out).
DH thought I was not doing everything I could to get mindees - when in fact that was all I did - hours on the computer and contacting potential parents, I walked around all day in my logo Tshirt (very large logo on back) and went out at school run times walked round local supermarkets and so on.

I got fed up with him - and to be fair him with me - we were both stressed.

I am guessing this might be the case with you - your DH is worried about the lack of money and you are stressed because taking longer than you thought to get mindees.

I can not offer any advice other than to say try to work together - sort out the finaces - including a worse case senario (we had to agree reduced payments with everyone and had to live on a restricted diet, no social life and so on.

But now I am up and running - I have to say it was worth it - life is much better than it was going out to work.

Hope it works out for you

Penny

[boxtree7]

Sending you a big cuddle !!! it can take a good 6 months for your childminding to take of - to work till 8.00pm that shows you are willing to do whatever comes your way -I think you are owed one big SORRY !!

[angeldelight]

Poor you Emma

Was hubby like this with before about other issues , even when you were earning ?

If not then I agree with Penny maybe he is stressing about the money side of things

He is dealing with it the wrong way though , its not your fault

Hope you get some work soon I know it can be a nightmare even for us long time childminders, it can be very up and down, you can be full one min then all of a sudden they all leave for school etc so you are back to square one .
You need to point out to him this is the way it could be even if you get busy

You need to sit him down and talk to him like you have to us.

Hope you work it out and hope you get some work soon

Good luck , keep us posted

Angel xx

[sillybeans]

I know it can be stressful ... I left my job to give me more time to get up and running but it's taken sooo much longer than I ever thought it would to get registered. Money has become an issue between us but we try our best to sit down and talk it through (easier said than done I know)

Send you a big hug

[gegele]

3yrs ago hubby was made redundant and then started his own company and was working 75% of the time from home.....
it got difficult for a while as the dynamic of our couple had been turn upside down and we had to re learn to live together LOL

must admit it was great when he found a new job and went out to work LOL

just need to readapt.

takes time, work and patience!!

ood luck

[miffy]

Didn't want to read and run Emma - maybe hubby is a teeny bit jealous of your life style change, after all he still has the long drive to work and the stress of the job, maybe he's worried about the money side of things I don't know.

I agree with Angel though you need to talk it through with him - not now but perhaps at the weekend when you're both a bit calmer.

Hope you got some sleep

Miffy xx

[mabel]

really feel for you, I think lifestyle changes are quite scary but I so admire what you have done for your children and soon you will all be looking back and realising how you have enhanced your life. I have been a minder 15 years and sometimes I am turning business away as I have not enough places other times its quiet like now, whilst you are not working find other ways - eg I took an allotment on (ma not be your thing) so I have grown loads of food - cutting our food bill dramatically - make jams/chutneys etc
raised hens so we have eggs - I know this isnt for everyone but have you any other talents to fill your day -apart from housework ! I am sure then phone will ring but sometimes it is a waiting game, but wishing you lts of luck with your new venture

[The Juggler]

oh hon, it's hard. I agree, hubby is probably worrying about money with christmas etc coming up. I would sit him down and tell him exactly what you are trying to do.

meantime, get yourself known at the local children's centre hon. they have new parent groups/ante natal groups and all sorts there and if the staff know you and know you are looking they will probably be happy to pass on your details to enquiring parents.

I hope thing pick up for you x

[nipper]

Thanks everyone your comments are much appreciated!!!
Juggler, where I live in Telford, which is basically an amalgamation of villages, there seems to be a real discrepancy in the location of the Surestart centres. Sure they do exist but there is nothing within about 3 miles of me...it's really strange. They also seem to be attached to the 'better' Primary schools, which are actually further away from where I am based. Surely if I was to get known there or advertise, most of the parents would be from that area and not mine...just thinking aloud. Thanks for your help though.

Now that's an idea. How do you go about setting up a children's centre?

[primula]

I get the odd comment like..'how much will you be earning then if you take that one on' and Oh, does that mean you have a free day?' i just know that he holds a bit back sometimes( because of the look on my face!!) but what he/they seem to forget is that when we 'finish' work then we have to start on the sorting out the running of the home, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, dog walking, agony aunt taxi service!! While he/they watches telly!
My advice would be drop the kids for an overnighter stay, get a M&S meal deal for two, with an extra bottle of wine in necessary! have a heart to heart and remember you are partners and are in it together!

[The Juggler]

Thanks everyone your comments are much appreciated!!!
Juggler, where I live in Telford, which is basically an amalgamation of villages, there seems to be a real discrepancy in the location of the Surestart centres. Sure they do exist but there is nothing within about 3 miles of me...it's really strange. They also seem to be attached to the 'better' Primary schools, which are actually further away from where I am based. Surely if I was to get known there or advertise, most of the parents would be from that area and not mine...just thinking aloud. Thanks for your help though.

Now that's an idea. How do you go about setting up a children's centre?

The parents might be from a slightly different area hon, but they might come your way to work maybe? what about helping out in a few toddler groups more locally as a volunteer and meeting parents that way? Or volunteer in school/nursery near you, once they know you they are bound to mention you to parents who are looking

[FussyElmo]

Without knowing your dh its hard to say. If it was a one off sort of thing then i would say that he is stressed over money. My dh gets very stressed over money and can say some very hurtful things but I do know thats its because he works very long hours to try and provide for all of us.

I cm'ed before meeting him so I didnt give up a job and it must be hard going from 2 wages to 1 for both of you. It doesnt help that cming is not the mosr finanical secure profession neither.

Sit down talk to him calmly when both of you can see clearly not when you are tired etc.

On the plus side at the minute my dh does like coming home to a very tidy house, ironing done and tea on the table Doesnt stop him stressing over money though

[Libby08]

I use to get the same from my h, if I had an inquiry he'd say oh another person to let you down and your never gonna make any money doing this etc etc. when I first met my current mindees parents he actually told me this was my last chance and if they didn't use me I would have to find a 'proper job! Luckily they did chose me but what he said still upset me. We spoke about it properly though and it turned out that he hated watching me get so excited and make so much effort for parents who then said no to me! It was a really stress full time setting up as a cm and I don't think they get that at all.
I still get it a bit now, he got home from work last week and said 'couldn't you do some cleaning for once as your home all day!!!' Cheek! I have a 1 yr old, nearly 2 yr old, mon fri 7.30 -6.30 (and our own 3 and 7 yr olds)....and I do ALL the house work!
Just sit down and have a proper talk and see if that helps!
As for advertising I went to so much effort with ads, websites and flyers etc and got nothing, mine are both from the councils FIS but I didn't realize I had to keep calling them every month to put my vacancies on the list.

[Playmate]

I agree with everyone else about hubby and its not easy.

In terms of advertising yourself it may be worth going out just a little bit further. Particularly as you are a teacher and some people look for those extra skills. All my families now live more than 2 miles away and I advertise out of borough. Infact one of my families travels about 4 -5 miles and travels back in the same direction to work

I hope things pick up for you soon x

[Ali56]

I really feel for you, we are struggling at the moment too. Our house comes with OH's job. He's been off work sick since august and so has no income. My money is all. But worse still if his health doesn't improve we'll lose our home and with it all my work too. Waiting for test results. Its very stressful. I hope you find some work soon. I find it goes in waves, sometimes so many calls I couldn't possibly take them on and other times, no calls at all.