last night :(

[BlondeMoment]

Hi minders.

Could do with a rant and maybe some advise.......
I've a 3 year old lad who throws massive tantrums when his dad collects him at the end of the day. He refuses to put his shoes on, and hits and kicks and screams and becomes vile. His dad is useless frankly. Just pleads and pussy foots around.
I've tried to help like saying he can have a sticker when he's got his shoes on etc. that can work sometimes if the stickers are interesting enough. Even tried having him ready for when his dad arrives but he just kicks it all off again as soon as his dad turns up. He's a rebel no doubt but behaves well when he's with me. There just don't seem to be any boundaries or consequences with his dad.

Last night was awful! I refused to give him a sticker as he'd not been helpful at all about going home. I said goodbye and closed the door. He was then outside my house for 40 minutes screaming. His dad just stood there. This little lad's brother also comes to me and was seeming to take some delight in this situation and scooting around him on a scooter making it worse. The dad still did nothing. I kept an eye on things outside my window and just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Finally, the lad's older brother then starts quite brutally ramming his scooter at him while he's stropping on the pavement.
The dad does nothing!!!!!
They finally started to walk down the road after that. It put me off my dinner, I was so upset. A few very firm words and a stern march home and that could have all been over. The guy has no control whatsoever and I felt so sorry for the kids at no-one taking control.

This is the second time it's been this bad. last time I went out and offered to lend the dad a buggy so he could at least get him home, but the dad refused and said they were fine.

I want to tell the boys today that their behaviour was unacceptable. But it wasn't on my time and what can I do? I've tried dropping gentle hints to the dad to help him get them home such as having a reward waiting when they get back and an incentive to go home nicely but he doesn't take any notice really. He's a really nice guy to talk to. Just useless with his kids.

[xgemx]

That sounds awful, im just waiting for my certificate to come through so not had no experience yet, but one of my policys i have done is the behaviour policy which i state i will work in partnership with the parents to keep things consistent, so maybe have a word and say how do they deal with this behaviour at home, maybe mum doesnt know dad is letting him away with it and letting the older son be a bully, or it might just make him think about the situation

Hope you get it sorted

[Bevbeetle]

i would have the boy ready with shoes on coat on etc and meet dad outside i use to have one little boy who used to throw toys at me as soon as dad come so i used to meet him at the door with child it worked good luck sending a big hug x

[Mamma4Ya]

I think it is time you asked to meet with the dad (parents) and explain that this behaviour is not acceptable and that they need to take control at pick up time.

I just cannot understand why parents allow their children to ask in such a way.

[QualityCare]

At 3 yrs old he should be able to remember what he did so the next morning l would very sternly tell him that throwing tantrums/behaving like he did on your doorstep is unacceptable and you will not put up with it, you will put his shoes on he will keep them on walk home with dad and if he so wishes have his tantrum there. Remind him again in the evening as you put his shoes on, if he behaves praise him the next day.
I have a child who behaves in the same way, mum used to bribe her with sweets, it used to be 'when you get in the car you can have.... then child started as soon as mum come in ' l want chocolate' etc etc, so sweets were given then, next sweets were put in her lunch box and as soon as mum walked in child would get her bag get sweets out grin at me and eat them so we were back to square one child playing up. Neighbors comment 'that little girl you have is so well behaved etc with you but what a handful and change in her when mum or nan picks her up she so naughty and rude' They have seen her running around refusing to get in the car and disobeying mum. Mum nor Nan will get cross or even firm with her she can do or say exactly what she wants, and l will tell her the next day if l disapprove of the way she behaved with her mum in or outside my house.
dad might be of the belief that children can express themselves as they wish which is why he doesn't interfere or accept your help.

[BlondeMoment]

At 3 yrs old he should be able to remember what he did so the next morning l would very sternly tell him that throwing tantrums/behaving like he did on your doorstep is unacceptable and you will not put up with it, you will put his shoes on he will keep them on walk home with dad and if he so wishes have his tantrum there. Remind him again in the evening as you put his shoes on, if he behaves praise him the next day.
I have a child who behaves in the same way, mum used to bribe her with sweets, it used to be 'when you get in the car you can have.... then child started as soon as mum come in ' l want chocolate' etc etc, so sweets were given then, next sweets were put in her lunch box and as soon as mum walked in child would get her bag get sweets out grin at me and eat them so we were back to square one child playing up. Neighbors comment 'that little girl you have is so well behaved etc with you but what a handful and change in her when mum or nan picks her up she so naughty and rude' They have seen her running around refusing to get in the car and disobeying mum. Mum nor Nan will get cross or even firm with her she can do or say exactly what she wants, and l will tell her the next day if l disapprove of the way she behaved with her mum in or outside my house.
dad might be of the belief that children can express themselves as they wish which is why he doesn't interfere or accept your help.

LOL dad may believe in letting them express themselves but Dad looks like an idiot who can't control his kids. Seriously wondered what my neighbours thought. I will be giving him a talking to about last night, and his brother too and I think as a punishment, there won't be any dvd after dinner while they wait.

[BlondeMoment]

i would have the boy ready with shoes on coat on etc and meet dad outside i use to have one little boy who used to throw toys at me as soon as dad come so i used to meet him at the door with child it worked good luck sending a big hug x

Yes I like that idea. And if he doesn't like it I'll tell him he needs to show me he can go home nicely if he wants to go back to waiting inside.
Just hope dad isn't early or anything

[ziggy]

how awful, poor you

Most of mine get a bit difficult at home time but that is just crazy. I think i would ask to chat to Dad without the child around as i wouldnt want that happening outside my house.

[Goatgirl]

Yes I like that idea. And if he doesn't like it I'll tell him he needs to show me he can go home nicely if he wants to go back to waiting inside.
Just hope dad isn't early or anything

Any misbehaviour here at home time means Parents must wait until I have the child ready. I make sure child is behaving before I will open the door and make handover very quick and on the doorstep....
If parents are early that's their own look out. In your shoes I'd decide on a plan, tell parents what you are doing and stick to it.

What Dad does in his own time is up to him - short of allowing one child to cause harm to the other though, I have to say! - what happens in your time OR on your premises, including outside the front door is your business. Tell Dad it is unacceptable for this to be happening on your doorstep. Hopefully he will at least concede that point.

Good luck

best wishes,
Wendy

[little chickee]

I think its ok to have a stern word to these kids about their hometime behaviour. It might not have been on your time but it did affect you by ruining your tea!

Just be very srict and i think i would do the getting them ready and handing over outside.

Tell Dad why you are doing it and if he doesnt like it too bad. Someone has to take charge and it doesnt seem likely that it will be him.

[BlondeMoment]

Thanks so much everyone. You've been a massive help. I've got a plan of action for tonight. They'll be ready to go home and outside the front door. Hopefully they'll be pleased to see dad coming down the road as they'll be so bored lol.

[Ripeberry]

LOL dad may believe in letting them express themselves but Dad looks like an idiot who can't control his kids. Seriously wondered what my neighbours thought. I will be giving him a talking to about last night, and his brother too and I think as a punishment, there won't be any dvd after dinner while they wait.

This is a perfect example of those parents who are SCARED of their own kids No way will any kid, mine or someone's else's make me scared of them.

Got help them when they start school. Reminds me of a girl who started school a few years back in DD's class. She would hit and kick her gran when she came to collect her from reception class and they just let her

[smurfette]

How did it go at pickup blonde moment?!

[onceinabluemoon]

I would be having a chat with the father stating it is totally unacceptable for the children to behave that way outside of your house. It looks bad on your business and goodness know how fed up your neighbours must be!

Perhaps you could tell him your neighbours have complained about the behaviour and that you want dad to pick up the child and leave promptly at pick up, that you are not willing to put up with this behaviour any more and if it isn't dealt with you have no alternative but to terminate the contract (if you can afford to). Some parents just need to be told straight not hinted at and it sounds as if he is one of them.

I'm afraid that in the situation you have described I would have gone out and said "thats enough X and Y, we don't behave like that here " and then told dad in no uncertain terms to step up and take them home.

I'm a little bit 'firm' though, lol

[miffy]

i would have the boy ready with shoes on coat on etc and meet dad outside

I think this is a good idea - you could ask dad to text you when he is 10 mins away so you can have them ready.

I would also talk to the children - there's no way you should have to put up with that kind of behaviour and they are old enough to understand that.

Good luck
Miffy xx

[gegele]

I had boys when i started who shouted in street, climbed on parents car,beeped the horn, argue and walk on road!!!

the day after i explain that their behaviour was unacceptable, that my neighbour was an old lady who needed rest and across the street they had a young baby who was awaken by their noise!
I explained that their behaviour was dangerous and i will not tolerate it and neither will my neighbour.
.............................................the police could be called!!!

well it worked

[boxtree7]

I would be speaking to the boys this morning about their behaviour and I would also tell them that they must have there coat, shoes and belongings all ready to go home prior to daddy collecting. I would have them by the door and march them out every evening.

[The Juggler]

I had boys when i started who shouted in street, climbed on parents car,beeped the horn, argue and walk on road!!!

the day after i explain that their behaviour was unacceptable, that my neighbour was an old lady who needed rest and across the street they had a young baby who was awaken by their noise!
I explained that their behaviour was dangerous and i will not tolerate it and neither will my neighbour.
.............................................the police could be called!!!

well it worked

good for you!!!! Blondemoment I wouldn't hesitate to give the boys a roasting when they come and I would actually be giving Dad a bit of a talking too as well for letting them carry on like this outside your house for so long. Use the above reasons - even if they are not true

[BlondeMoment]

How did it go at pickup blonde moment?!

Hi there!
Sorry, I've been on holiday for a week

It went very well. I gave the boys a stern talking to and made them aware that I could still see and hear everything going on outside and so could my neighbours and that this was NOT going to happen agian.
The boys weren't allowed to watch a dvd after dinner, and at home time they tidied up and we waited outside. I told the boys that until they could show me they could go home nicely, this is what we'd be doing. It worked! They went home really well

Thing is, what happens if I got accident book or anything that needs signing. Will just have to take it all outside with me I guess.

Thanks so much for all your advise everyone! x