Help my mindee is upsetting my daughter

[noodle]

hi there I have got my 1st mindee in (just turning6) and she seemed really lovely when we met up, her mom insisted she didnt need a settling in session so now i've got her and she is really winding my 3 1/2 year old up and i really dont know what to do, she is nice when i'm watching but is a mean and spiteful when i'm out the room and is quite sneaky when she thinks you cant see, she's an only child and i dont think she really gets a lot of support at home (as her mom tells me all the bad things about her and another relative doing pick up refered to her as the brat!).

I am seeing traits in my daughter i have never seen before (i got it 1st- being a sentence she'd never put together herself, and she has started hitting and pulling pushing and shouting and i have NEVER seen any of that before from her no matter who we've played with) i dont think i am handling it well and I try my best to stick up for them both equally but its hard to know as the mindee tells tales, lies bare faced to me about whats happened and really cant understand that my dd cant play the same sort of games eg eye spy- as she doesnt know the alphabet properly yet.

I feel like all i have done since she arrived is tell her off what do i need to do, i am finding it hard to warm to her and shouted when she nearly kicked my daughter in the face, i gave a time out explained why it had made me cross gave her a cuddle and carried on then 5 minutes later she was upsetting my daughter again,

she has her own reward chart and its a stretch to find something to give her stars for, i think she needs more love in her life but I cant give it to her as i'm struggling to like her!

[missymood]

Hi
I feel for you.
That is the reason I gave up a couple of years ago and have only started back!

One tip I got from a few childminders is never mind any children older than yours when yours are little ie under 5. I am certainly sticking to it this time for sure.

I don't have any tips i'm afraid but I am sure someone else will be along soon to help. I am not very patient with that sort of thing and would be be putting my dd first. Can't be doing with sneaky children. Childminding is tough enough

[Pipsqueak]

been there done that and my biggest bit of advice - if this child is making YOUR child feel awful or uncomfy in their own home i would get rid.

Your other choice is to come down hard on this child - let them know you are onto them - at the age of 6 she should know better than to pick on a younger, smaller child and just by her being nice when you are there and when out of sight her demeanor changes - shows that she is more than aware of what she is doing.


if you want to keep this child on...
It sounds like this child has a rough trot from the very people who should be caring for her, be positive to her parents in front of the child, be positive to the child but do not tolerate her bad behaviour.


sorry but i would be seriously considering giving notice though

[leeloo1]

I haven't had a child that old, but I do have one who upsets my son and went through a stage of being violent with him and other mindees. My solution was never to leave her alone - if I left the room she came too; rather than being allowed to have free play while I made food she had to sit in highchair in kitchen with me; if I went to the loo I'd put her in the playpen. Each time I'd say to her why it was happening 'I'm afraid you'll need to do x as sometimes you forget to use gentle touching'. It took about a week to pay off and now she's fine.

In your situation I'd give it a few days and keep reminding both children to 'use kind words' etc, not leave them alone together. If mindee starts to tell tales just cut through it and say you don't want to hear it and then try to distract her. As its early days it may sort itself out, but if it doesn't then give notice!

[funemnx]

I haven't had a child that old, but I do have one who upsets my son and went through a stage of being violent with him and other mindees. My solution was never to leave her alone - if I left the room she came too; rather than being allowed to have free play while I made food she had to sit in highchair in kitchen with me; if I went to the loo I'd put her in the playpen. Each time I'd say to her why it was happening 'I'm afraid you'll need to do x as sometimes you forget to use gentle touching'. It took about a week to pay off and now she's fine.

In your situation I'd give it a few days and keep reminding both children to 'use kind words' etc, not leave them alone together. If mindee starts to tell tales just cut through it and say you don't want to hear it and then try to distract her. As its early days it may sort itself out, but if it doesn't then give notice!

I totally agree

[VINASOL]

been there done that and my biggest bit of advice - if this child is making YOUR child feel awful or uncomfy in their own home i would get rid.

Your other choice is to come down hard on this child - let them know you are onto them - at the age of 6 she should know better than to pick on a younger, smaller child and just by her being nice when you are there and when out of sight her demeanor changes - shows that she is more than aware of what she is doing.


if you want to keep this child on...
It sounds like this child has a rough trot from the very people who should be caring for her, be positive to her parents in front of the child, be positive to the child but do not tolerate her bad behaviour.


sorry but i would be seriously considering giving notice though

I've looked after a child like this...although not as old as your mindee, but a few months older than my DD and she made my DDs life hell at times...i wish I had the courage to give notice early on (gave notice after a year) as the affects on my daughter was immense. Since not having this mindee in my house, my DD has blossomed.

I found that, because this little girl was missing out on so much at home (parents seperated but still arguing in front of children; SS involved; lack of parenting from mother; a bullish big brother and a whole load of time were child was pushed from pillar to post never knowing where they were going to be) she was a nightmare to look after. She was very sneaky and would do things to hurt my DD (would call her fat, spat in her face, kicked her, punched her as well as doing anything she could to upset her) as well as destroy her toys and my furniture and would lie CONSTANTLY. So many more things I could say that she did, but although parents knew what she was like they were unwilling to do anything about it.

I had a tough first year of minding, lots of tears and lots of stress. So I would keep a journal of all the things which happen (for your memory if nothing else), speak to parents and if behavior doesn't change, then get rid!