help controlling behaviour please

**hollyoaksmad** · 30-06-2011, 01:41 PM

I have a two year old girl who i look after she is making my days hell and very tiring
She does not listen to me, she wont let me change her nappy without a struggle. she will say no alot to me and if i say no dont climb on sofa she will go back and keep doing it
Throws toys, Just wont do things, always wants her own way and if she doesn't get it she will throw a tantrum.
spoilt and her parents give in to keep quiet.

But they are really struggling to controll her and are very tired im looking for some advice for both me and them.

Pleasee help me its waring me down and i dread her coming i feel like cancelling contract as I have no energy for this

**mushpea** · 30-06-2011, 03:22 PM

First of all do not give in to her ,, if you give in once then she will cry longer the next time in the anticipation you will give in,,, ignore the tantrums,,, is she capable of speaking? if so then I wouldnt give her what she is 'asking ' for her untill she actual speaks obvioulsy dont with hold food and drinks but you can do this with other things, with the sofa move her off it twic saying NO firmly then the third time remove her and sit her in time out,, with the throwing do not give back to her what she threw and if it eventyaly means she has nothing to play with for a while then tough,,,, if she has been spolit and allowed to get away with things then her behaviour wont be good and it may take a while to get her back on track

**love381** · 30-06-2011, 03:57 PM

I've been in a similar situation before. Persistant not giving in ever was the only thing that worked, but it took about 6 weeks before he started to realise that I really meant NO! It took about 6 months or so before he realised that I would always mean NO and he settled down really nicely. Still mind him now and he's 7. x

**blue bear** · 30-06-2011, 04:18 PM

What sort of discipline do parents use? Is it the same as you?

You need to sit down with parents snd come up with sone house rules for both homes and decide together what the consequences ate for breaking the rules. This should ideally be followed through at both home and yours but it can be done at just yours but will take longer for child to realise your rules

Never ever bend the rules ( birthday not well etc) as this will confuse lo, if you say do that again and I will..... Then do it always even if you think you should change your mind. Keep calm and always give a reason.

**ChocolateChip** · 30-06-2011, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by love381

I've been in a similar situation before. Persistant not giving in ever was the only thing that worked, but it took about 6 weeks before he started to realise that I really meant NO! It took about 6 months or so before he realised that I would always mean NO and he settled down really nicely. Still mind him now and he's 7. x

I've had this situation with a 2yr old aswell and agree with the above.
Mine used to really kick off at nappy changes too, I had to just keep him on the mat and eventually he would realise that he couldn't go and play until it was finished, have you tried giving her a book or a special toy to look at just for changing times, I found that helped.

If the parents will work with you then that's great, it will help them all at home. But be warned they may just give in like my set still do now, after 2 years! However the lo knows my rules and boundaries now and I've tried to help them so as far as I'm concerned what happens at home is their problem now.

**SYLVIA** · 30-06-2011, 06:32 PM

The 2 yr old i have has been like this since day one at 11 mths. Smacking is also included in the behaviour. I Have always stood my ground with her and I am gaining control but she seems to love to show off in front of other children and discipline doesn't work, she just laughs. Im getting more good days than bad now but it is still hard work and very tiring. When it's just me and her, shes lovely, very intelligent and loves to do activities with me but not interested when others are here, just wants to disrupt the others

**loupo** · 01-07-2011, 12:52 AM

I'm going through very similar right now. It's mind-bending to have to be aware that a 2-year-old is trying to control you for ten hours a day. Initially I put up with a great deal as I found my feet with childminding but as I've gained confidence in my childminding I've treated our Cm-ee in the same way as our children and it's paying off really slowly but surely. Our little Cm 2yo doesn't really integrate with the other children I mind or my own children but spends her entire time trying to make me run around after her. For the last couple of months I've been drawing up boundaries. The old advice about choosing your battles wisely has been my goal. I've had a battle a day. I've now taught her to put on her own shoes, to pick up things she drops on her own, to not shout for me every two seconds and to finish one activity and put it away before asking for the next but I still have a lot of work to do. I try to remember to see the funny side and to draw lines while keeping a sense of humour. Our CMee went through a stage of shouting 'what you doing?' literally every two seconds so eventually I made it a game and replied with the most ridiculous answers about going to planet Zarg and recruiting snozzlewangers to bring back to earth to eat worm soup with me....etc so that in the end our CMee learnt to laugh at herself before she asked the question. It's tough but we're getting there slowly. Certainly our other childminded children are far easier to look after and far more like my own children but I only started Childminding recently and I'd really like to prove to myself that I can make a difference and help this demanding little soul as she develops to step back and think before telling me and others what to do. The constant demands are certainly tough on our own family too and I've talked with my own children out of hours about how we want to help this LO to find her feet so that she'll be confident enough to stop telling us all what to do eventually!!! The nice thing is that they all went with that and are really trying to help her now and when she tells them what to do they are mimicking me saying 'you will have to wait a minute while we put our shoes on' or 'you have to wait to have a turn but then you can have fun too' etc.