8 months on with crying baby !!! UPDATE !!!

[maryp0ppins]

I've been on here a few times now with the update of my crying mindee who was 8 months when started, But is now 15 months old.

We DO have good days but we have LOTS more bad days......If she is not crying and screaming she is constantly crawling/walking around making a very annoying whinging moaning sound, which is just as bad as the crying really but maybe a little quieter.

I will get the odd day here and there where I think back on the day and realised she hasn't cried or moaned for more that half her time here!!

I have her 8am-5pm Mon - Fri.......She now screams/cries has major tantrums when mum comes to pick her up and fights to come back to me...which I don't allow (1 feel awful for mum & 2 don't want lo to think she can get her own way)

She also goes crazy if I say NO to her regarding touching things BUT even if she is not by my side and I'm with other LO's and say NO (plus use their name) she goes crazy and her paddy can last 30 minutes or so.

LO is not here today and I can hear myself think, everyone else is so much more chilled...

Feel I've lost my bottle to terminate...plus parents are lovely!!

[Trouble]

bless

you have alot more patience than me

[Louise0208]

you have more patience than me....you deserve a knighthood

[rickysmiths]

Gosh you could be talking about my mindee!! Had him since he was 3 mths old, now 14mths and he is just a winger. Though he does get picked up on the slightest murmur at home.

[curlycathy]

I think Rickysmiths has hit the nail on the head there - in my experience children who behave like you describe are generally picked up quickly at home. I had one who only has to move his foot (cos he will start stamping, screaming etc) and mum gives in to him. With the result that this 2 year old now drinks real filter coffee as his drink

I dont really know what advice to give you hun - I know you've had a difficult time and tried lots. Big hugs xxx

[Wendybird]

Babies that age are too young to be 'manipulative' - they don't have the brain development for it yet Is there some need that isn't being met, maybe she just isn't ready for the separation? Have you tried using a sling at all to keep her very close so she feels secure? Have you noticed anything different about when she is happy? That is a looooong time to be unhappy - for both of you!

[JCrakers]

Youve done amazingly well....you probably remember me being in the same boat and I only lasted for 8weeks of 10hr screaming per day.

Cant believe you are still going...you must be a saint

I'm going to try again with mine in Sept (she will be 20months) and hopefully wont scream but a couple of settling in sessions should tell. Parents dont like the nursey environment that shes having to be in.

It's on the days when you havent got them that you really can appreciate the calmness/quiet and relaxed atmosphere isnt it.

becky x

[maryp0ppins]

Yes bexc I do remember you being in the same boat.....

Today has been a doddle....and the difference within the atmosphere in my house is amazing...

As I have her everyday all day I do forget what it;s like not to have that constant noise in the house until today.

Obviously I have my weekends off but then it's me & my girls (12 & 13) so defo NO crying/tantrums etc etc....

I'm having 1 week off the last week of July.....if when I come back things are the same I'm gonna do it....I'm gonna end it....Hubby's backing me all the way...I need to put my business head on and not fret at the thought of letting these lovely parents being let down by me because this is how I feel...

[funemnx]

My screamer started with me at 5 months full time and stopped at 25 months when he changed practically overnight into the most amusing, cheerfull chap!! Now he will take part in activities and go and play with toys and talk to other people. The past seems like a bad dream when he spent all of his time either screaming, sitting on my knee or sleeping. I can't believe it's the same child!!! I hope this happens with your lo (but maybe a bit sooner!)

[loocyloo]

well done!

hope LO improves soon!

i do think that LO being picked up ALL the time for the slightest murmer does make things harder for the LO, as that is what they know and its hard (for everyone!) when we can't pick them up all the time.

[singingcactus]

Babies that age are too young to be 'manipulative' - they don't have the brain development for it yet Is there some need that isn't being met, maybe she just isn't ready for the separation? Have you tried using a sling at all to keep her very close so she feels secure? Have you noticed anything different about when she is happy? That is a looooong time to be unhappy - for both of you!

Lovely to hear this . I find it so hard to constantly hear tales about how parents are 'spoiling' and 'ruining' and 'damaging beyond repair' their babies by holding them when the need it. It's so good to know there are others who are happy to hold babies who need that extra comfort.
Mary Poppins, I hope your little one is able to settle in with you. I hope you can find a way to make it work for you all.

[Jiorjiina]

I had one who only has to move his foot (cos he will start stamping, screaming etc) and mum gives in to him. With the result that this 2 year old now drinks real filter coffee as his drink

[Carol M]

Lovely to hear this . I find it so hard to constantly hear tales about how parents are 'spoiling' and 'ruining' and 'damaging beyond repair' their babies by holding them when the need it. It's so good to know there are others who are happy to hold babies who need that extra comfort.
Mary Poppins, I hope your little one is able to settle in with you. I hope you can find a way to make it work for you all.

Absolutely agree, babies NEED holding but I wouldn't be using a sling for a 15mths child.
Carol xx

[miffy]

I've been on here a few times now with the update of my crying mindee who was 8 months when started, But is now 15 months old.

We DO have good days but we have LOTS more bad days......If she is not crying and screaming she is constantly crawling/walking around making a very annoying whinging moaning sound, which is just as bad as the crying really but maybe a little quieter.

I will get the odd day here and there where I think back on the day and realised she hasn't cried or moaned for more that half her time here!!

I have her 8am-5pm Mon - Fri.......She now screams/cries has major tantrums when mum comes to pick her up and fights to come back to me...which I don't allow (1 feel awful for mum & 2 don't want lo to think she can get her own way)

She also goes crazy if I say NO to her regarding touching things BUT even if she is not by my side and I'm with other LO's and say NO (plus use their name) she goes crazy and her paddy can last 30 minutes or so.

LO is not here today and I can hear myself think, everyone else is so much more chilled...

Feel I've lost my bottle to terminate...plus parents are lovely!!

You must have the patience of a saint.

I'm not sure I would have persevered as you have

Miffy xx

[Wendybird]

Absolutely agree, babies NEED holding but I wouldn't be using a sling for a 15mths child.
Carol xx

Depends on the sling I've a very good carrier (Beco Butterfly) that I still use for my 22 month old that should fit him for a good while yet. I certainly don't use it as often, but when he needs to be close I love being able to carry him on my back as he's too big to carry in just my arms for any length of time! Not for everyone, but thought I'd throw it out there as a potential solution to constant unhappiness in such a little person. It must be really hard for the OP - maybe she hadn't tried this?

[maryp0ppins]

Hi everyone, Thanks for the suggestions regarding slings but LO is quite a big/heavy 15 month old & I would never be able to carry LO this way due to me not having a strong back/neck (suffered with neck pain for years)

Please don't get me wrong I DO pick lo up for cuddles & give plenty of 1-2-1 time as I can. I don't like to see any child upset. I make sure LO is involved in the group as much as I possibly can..... However I do always have another 2 to contend with and both of these being younger than 'said' child (not that this has anything to do with it but they too need my support) This does not include the before & after schoolers either....

I'm grateful for any advice and will take it all on board, but I am still exhausted by the end of everyday with LO!!

PS I did not say parents were spoiling, ruining or damaging LO.........!!

[singingcactus]

PS I did not say parents were spoiling, ruining or damaging LO.........!!

No, you did not. I was meaning the general 'screamer' threads that are coming up a lot. You never implied that this child was spoiled at all, and I apologise that I was not more clear with what I said.

I hope you are having better days with your little guy.

[JCrakers]

See...I wouldnt carry a baby around in a sling with me. Firstly because I have a bad back and wouldnt be able to do it and secondly I believe you can give a baby/child love and attention without carrying them around and picking them up at any given time.
I love to see an independant child who will happily sit and play with or without adult interaction. A lot of babies are heavy/solid and I ended up at my chiropractor beacuse of carrying my daughter and my neck/back still isnt right 9yrs on
If a parent came to me and said this is what I want you do...then I'd have to turn them away as I dont believe a child needs to be carried and picked up all the time. Who knows...my little screamer probably might have settled better if I had carried her all the time but I know for a fact I wouldn't be working now as my back would have given in.
She now goes to nursery and I know they wont be carrying her around all day either.

Becky x

[maryp0ppins]

See...I wouldnt carry a baby around in a sling with me. Firstly because I have a bad back and wouldnt be able to do it and secondly I believe you can give a baby/child love and attention without carrying them around and picking them up at any given time.
I love to see an independant child who will happily sit and play with or without adult interaction. A lot of babies are heavy/solid and I ended up at my chiropractor beacuse of carrying my daughter and my neck/back still isnt right 9yrs on
If a parent came to me and said this is what I want you do...then I'd have to turn them away as I dont believe a child needs to be carried and picked up all the time. Who knows...my little screamer probably might have settled better if I had carried her all the time but I know for a fact I wouldn't be working now as my back would have given in.
She now goes to nursery and I know they wont be carrying her around all day either.

Becky x

[Wendybird]

It really was just a suggestion, no one else had mentioned it I do not advocate throwing your back out and I certainly don't judge anyone who doesn't feel comfortable using a sling / carrier. It does work for some babies / children - others hate it! Honestly, it may just be that this child is not ready to be separated from her mother / parents and there is nothing the OP can do. Maybe the child needs to be in a situation where she can be the only baby? I am not suggesting that you are ignoring or not meeting her needs (if you didn't care, you wouldn't be posting!) - just trying to help 'think out of the box' if you will! The thing with kids is that we all have ideas about what is 'best for children' and then they come along with their own ideas

Anyway, I do hope it improves for you both or that some solution can be found.