Shared care, mindee not settling at nursery

[cs01]

I look after a 2 year old girl, one day a week and she attends a private nursery 2 days a week. She started at the nursery in Oct last year and with me from Nov.

Mum is concerned because mindee screams the place down when she drops her off at nursery. She has told me in the past that the only way she can get mindee to leave the house happily is if she tells her she is coming to my house, when in fact she is going to nursery The nursery say that mindee settles once mum has left and mum says she is happy when she picks her up.

Mindee settled very quickly with me and is a pleasure to care for. She is shy and needs lots of encouragement to do even simple things and I am begininning to wonder whether mindee would be better off with a childminder 3 days a week. I do not have the space to increase her days with me but would it be wrong of me to suggest to mum that she seeks a childminder that could accomodate her for 3 days? I just think that the nursery setting is overwhelming for her. Has anyone else had mindees or even their own children that took months to settle like this?

[bibi571]

I've got a mindee who is shared with me and a nursery and did so about a year ago. It probably took 6 months or so to settle into the split as had been full time with me.

Still is so excited when it is Barbara days! Get's on ok at nursery now. But was such a struggle for a long time. Mum wanted LO to have the mixed experience. So i think as they get older and mature emotionally (as they will at 2) they'll get used to the split. I'd say to hang in there, unless you want to drop the child for to use the space for something else, as i think they will settle with time.

HTH

Barbara x

[lma]

I have shared care of a 1year old who is with me 2 days and also another childminder 2 days and a nursery 1 day. This child settles fine with both myself and the other childminder and even walks them to the door to leave however after 18mths at the nursery its still full on tears when mum leaves and when she goes for collection there he is sitting on the floor not doing anything 'just sitting' as mum says. Mum actually approached me today to ask if I can cover the nursery day as she wants to pull him out as both he and she arent happy.

Can you not apply for a variation for continuity of care as child is not settling at nursery?

Another mindee of mine who ive had for 2 years now was originally in a nursery but mum pulled him out after 2 months as he used to scream not to go and she had to pry him off the banister and into the car each day. After being with me 1 week he was fine and funnily enough he now asks dad to wait at the gate when he comes as hes a big boy now who can come all by himself lol.

Maybe you mindee just isnt the sort of child who likes the structure of a nursery and being stuck in the nursery most days and prefers the home based setting a childminder can offer with imprompt trips to the park, library, ducks etc???

[TammyN]

As already suggested i would consider asking for a variation if mum would prefer you could suggest it and see how she reacts??
some children do take longer to settle, some just don't seem to like nursery settings, it's a hard one but i would be inclined to ask for variation if child is so settled with you.

[cs01]

Thanks for the replies.

I think mindee is better off in a childminding setting. She is an only child who had spent every day with mum, then suddenly in Oct she started nursery and less than a month later, she came to me as well.

I feel a little guilty as I could have offered 2 extra days when one of my other mindees left 2 weeks ago. However, I already had a new mindee lined up for Sept, so that would have meant letting the other parent down (although contracts were not signed at this time).

I don't really want to look after 4 under 3's as my school runs are complicated enough without adding another child into the equation so I don't think I'll go down the route of a variation.

I don't want to give this mindee up but if mum could find her another childminder and pull her out of the nursery, I think this would be a good thing. Anyway, up to mum at the end of day what she feels is best for her daughter.

Thanks again everyone

[catswhiskers]

I've had a few mindees that have started with me for maybe 3/4 days and then Mum decides to send to a nursery/pre-school/german kindergarden for a day or two and upset the applecart!

One mindee actually attended three settings at age 2 but still preferred to come to me! In the end though I had to give notice as it was too disrupting for me and other mindees. I felt terrible but couldn't be everywhere at once!

I still look after a 4.5 year old who I've had since 5 months old. Started out as 4 full days, then 3, then 2, now 1 day as she attends a private nursery.

Granted I have had to look after other children during that time and make lots of decisions to benefit me/other mindees/my own family but she still loves to come to me for the one day. She starts school in September so hopefully this will be a good experience for her.