FIGHTING FOR MY ATTENTION?

[mummyme]

Hi all - me again (this forum is GREAT)!!!!!

I have only been minding since the beginning of the month and have a 16 month old (perfect little boy, no issues there) . I also hve 2 after schoolers 5 days a week who are brother and sister. S who is 8 and Y who is 6.

They are gorgeous children and mum is fab as well. They are between homes at the moment as mum and dad have split up and the children have mentioned bits and pieces about it (how they miss their house and stuff like that). S is fine but I have started to notice a few things that irritate me bout Y. My DS is 4 and Y seems to be jealous of the attention I give him. She'll tell me he is naughty and tell me that something that he has done is rubbish, if we are all sitting colouring and i am helping my DS, she wants to help too. whatever he is playing with, she wants, she cant understand why i wont let them play in my DS's bedroom as he should share everything (i believe that he should have his private space as this is my job, and that he should only share whatever toy he brings downstairs.).

All the children have equal attention whilst in my care. I need to nip this in the bud. Luckily my DS hasn't heard n e of the things she has said (YET!) so is not affected.

I believe that she likes being at my house (in fact i know she does as she has told me and mum has told me that she has told her that she loves me) as we function as a normal family and she is jealous of my DS for living here to be honest. She is such a sweety apart from this little niggle.

Any advice please ???????

[Pipsqueak]

Sounds like she is jealous of your LO - perhaps because of the homelife, the mummy attention etc.
Reassure Y that you like/love them and lots of praise. Ensure that they know they have a place in your heart and home (that can be a toughie at times) and that you have enough praise and love to go round everyone.
When Y trashes your DS - just say oh that makes me sad to hear you say things like that, it would make you sad if someone said that about you wouldn';t it.

Give Y some responsibility - s/he sounds like they are craving some constant.

[mummyme]

Thanks for another great response!

Some good advice there. As I say, she is a real sweety but I am obviously very protective of my DS and dont like what she is doing. Today is a new day and thanks to you I now have some good ideas for when I pick her up today. Only have them for about 45 mins today because of after school karate (I LOVE MONDAYS 0 )

Thanks again.

[onceinabluemoon]

Hi all - me again (this forum is GREAT)!!!!!

I have only been minding since the beginning of the month and have a 16 month old (perfect little boy, no issues there) . I also hve 2 after schoolers 5 days a week who are brother and sister. S who is 8 and Y who is 6.

They are gorgeous children and mum is fab as well. They are between homes at the moment as mum and dad have split up and the children have mentioned bits and pieces about it (how they miss their house and stuff like that). S is fine but I have started to notice a few things that irritate me bout Y. My DS is 4 and Y seems to be jealous of the attention I give him. She'll tell me he is naughty and tell me that something that he has done is rubbish, if we are all sitting colouring and i am helping my DS, she wants to help too. whatever he is playing with, she wants, she cant understand why i wont let them play in my DS's bedroom as he should share everything (i believe that he should have his private space as this is my job, and that he should only share whatever toy he brings downstairs.).

All the children have equal attention whilst in my care. I need to nip this in the bud. Luckily my DS hasn't heard n e of the things she has said (YET!) so is not affected.

I believe that she likes being at my house (in fact i know she does as she has told me and mum has told me that she has told her that she loves me) as we function as a normal family and she is jealous of my DS for living here to be honest. She is such a sweety apart from this little niggle.

Any advice please ???????

You're still finding your feet so having a family who are currently going through a crisis isn't the easiest of things, but try to put yourself in this little ones shoes. She has lost her family as she knows it and lost her home too (by between homes do you mean she's in a hostel?). Everything in her world has changed recently and that is hard to deal with for most adults, think how confused and hurt a 6 year old would feel (yet she is old enough to hide the feelings away, and stew on it, so not to upset mum...)

I think you need to be aware that she needs a bit of extra attention at the moment and praise her lots when she is being nice/well behaved and try not to let the not so nice stuff get to you. Just keep putting yourself in her shoes if you start to feel frazzled.

Like Pip, says give her some responsibility if you can, something only she can take care of (maybe a plant or something?) to make her feel needed and as if she has a place at yours.

With regard to her not being allowed to play in DS's bedroom, it may just be that all her friends mums allow them to play upstairs and she simply doesn't understand how childcare is different.

You will find you come up against kids that niggle you and it's too easy to let the bad stuff overcome the good stuff. Everyday find two things that she has done that made you happy and tell her, give her reason to try and be good rather than attention seek.

Good luck x