Really delicate issue - HELP

[izzy23]

Ok, this is going to sound terrible, but I a going out of my mind with this issue this week. I mind 4 before school from 7am, 3 boys, 1 girl, they always smell very very bad of smoke, but having mentioned the issue to mum, nothing has changed so I just have took contingency measures over the last year I have had them, changes of clothes for the little girl, air fresheners, keeping their coats separate to my own etc. However this week, they have been coming and the 5 yr old b looks even more unkempt than usual and smells, I mean SMELLS BAD, like he has soiled his pants or been rolling in it, how on earth do you tackle this, I don't feel like I can't outright ask to check the inside of his clothes, I've jokingly mentioned about smelly trumpers, and he looks down at the floor whereas the other giggle, I'm, having to keep living room window open which makes it cold, so heat is going on full blast, it took all of yesterday for the room to rid of the smell after they left at 8.50 for school!!!! Its also making me gag, I can barely stand to go into the room.
I'm usually pretty good at sorting out issues with parents it doesn't tend to phase me, but I have no idea what to do know, I feel like I and my kids should have to put up with this during breakfast time etc, but also I can't afford to alienate parent as she is the only one on my books.
Parent is SP and kids always a bit messy, clothes have been dirty for a while, 2nd youngest has been earing a coat covered in muck for two weeks that hasnt had a wash as far as I can tell.

HELP

[wendywu]

What about the school have they noticed it at all.

Do the children get teased, you could always say that they have been coming out of school upset because of this.

Otherwise you are just going to have to bite the bullet and say it straight.

[izzy23]

I don't pick them up in the afternoon so I send em off at 9am and don't see them again until next day.

[Mouse]

I would ask to speak to the school nurse about it. They are trained to deal with this sort of thing. It must have been spotted by the school and they may even be doing something about it, which you could carry on at your house. Even if they haven't done anything ab out it yet, it would be good to their input.

[AliceK]

Bless them, that's awful, they must be getting teased about this at school. I would talk to the school now and take it from there.
I always feel so sorry for kids like that because other kids even as young as 5 / 6 can be so cruel.

xxxx

[Ali56]

Not a nice situation for you to be in at all, and poor kids. Its an awful thing to ask yourself but are they being neglected do you think? Its our job and the schools to make that decision and a phone call if we think its necessary. Its a sad thing to decide and act upon but in the familys best interests, if need be. Mum may just need a little help, which she can get. Obs if its just the smoke then not much you can do except decide if you want to carry on minding for them, but it may be worth noting down times they arrive in a poorer condition and you can then look back on it and make a decision.
I would also speak to the school.

xx

[Ripeberry]

I don't pick them up in the afternoon so I send em off at 9am and don't see them again until next day.

Bet you're glad of that! Do you have them all day in the holidays though?
I have the same kind of situation but with a friend of my eldest DD.
His mum sleeps in the same bedroom as him (5 kids and 4 adults in a 3 bedroomed house) and she smokes constantly in there, even late at night when he is sleeping.
So of course he is reeking the poor mite. When he comes to my house I'd rather they go out, but when it's been colder they have been in one room of the house so they can watch DVDs and after he is gone, the room has to be aired and it takes ages to clear.
I think if I had to care for a child with 'smoky' clothes all day, then I would dress them in something else and give their clothers a quick wash and dry, but of course you can't with the time that you have.
The school and other kids MUST have noticed though

[The Juggler]

see if the school has an attached family support worker and speak to her/him in confidence. They will then be able to flag it as if the school has raised it and perhaps ask mum to come in and speak with them.

[arly]

Not a nice situation to be in at all especially if its more than just the smell of smoke, always think as a non smoker the smell of smoke is 100x worse. I work as a carer in the evenings for elderly within community and come home every night stinking of smoke and thats no more than half hour being in their homes, it just clings to you this...it doesnt matter if parent has a designated area in their house to smoke the smell does linger and gives the whole house an unpleasant aroma. as for the other situation id monitor and note down then as everyone else has said maybe contact school with your issues to see if they have any. Goodluck

[sandy64]

not nice for you or the children bless if you are going to have a chat with school make sure you have a signed working in partnership form from mum that way the school can discuss the children with you. its horrible to think of lo being left like that im sure its been noted a school and with your help hopefully mum will get help i no for most hygienge is number one but a very few there are so much going on that its not priority, but kids need help. keep your good work up and with luck it all may change

[jane5]

Arrhh poor kids, and poor you,

Sorry I have no advise as I haven't been in this situation yet but will be watching for everybody else's advise.

[izzy23]

All great advice guys , will be approaching school about it, going to think of a way to delicately yet honestly word it with mum, I do have them til 1.30pm in school hols and what with half term looming, I was almost tempted to book it off and not get paid just so I didn't have to suffer it for longer hours selfish I know......

[mufftie]

All great advice guys , will be approaching school about it, going to think of a way to delicately yet honestly word it with mum, I do have them til 1.30pm in school hols and what with half term looming, I was almost tempted to book it off and not get paid just so I didn't have to suffer it for longer hours selfish I know......

thats ok for you but just remember the problem dosnt go away just because its not in your house , these kids seriously need you or they will never get on in life , it may be hard sticking your nose in litterally lol but think of the happiness of the children and between you and the school get something done

[auntym]

Im sorry hon but im going to have to say id be sitting down with mum to discuss this. The kids are suffering for this and its them that count. Ask mum if she needs help maybe. If the smell and state of the kids is that bad it needs addressing. Good luck in whichever you do hon x

[izzy23]

thats ok for you but just remember the problem dosnt go away just because its not in your house , these kids seriously need you or they will never get on in life , it may be hard sticking your nose in litterally lol but think of the happiness of the children and between you and the school get something done

I haven't said I am going to ignore the problem, I have an appointment with school and also mum.

[Deb]

I would be ringing my local safeguarding advisory service for advice. And keeping a record of concerns.