Toilet problems for 3 1/2yr old girl

[CTL03]

Hi everyone,

Apologises first for the rant, but I'm at my last tether!

I'm fairly new to childminding, started beginning Sept and now look after 4 girls. 2x 3 yr olds, a 20month old and a 5yr old. I also have a 5 year old boy of my own.

Anyway, ever since I started, one of the 3year olds has been having "accidents". I have worked well with the parents trying to solve the problem. We went back to the potty (she's been toilet-training since the April and she's due to start proper school in Sept), despite being told at preschool and home to use the toilet. Then we got a peppa pig pink toilet seat to help and make it fun!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she is still having accidents and she won't tell you or give you ANY warning. She will literally just go where she is (in case you're wondering she has BOTH accidents )

Somedays, she can have up to 4 accidents and she also has accidents at preschool. She has a younger sister who is 20month old so I don't know if she is slightly jealous/attention seeking (they play nicely 20% of the time, the rest is a battle with hair pulling, pushing, snatching toys etc)

I'm just finding it hard ot cope with her as she's not giving me any warnings etc and when you do ask the parents for help, they just say "well she's been good this week at home.."etc

What can I do?

P.S. Every hour she gets asked does she need the toilet and if I know she hasn't gone for a while I will put her on the toilet.

[Helen79]

Has she always been like this or is it a regression?
I potty trained my dd too early and she had constant accidents still at 31/2. In hindsight I trained her too early and should have left it until she was properly ready.

It sounds like she doesn't know she's doing it and isn't ready to be out of nappies. Even though the parents probably wouldn't be happy about it I'd ask about using pull ups again. It isn't fair on you, the child or the other children to be cleaning up accidents all day.
If she's been clean for a while and it's a regression then sticker charts might work, if you speak to nursery agree on the same reward system so it's clear for the mindee.

Maybe a trip to the health visitor might help rule out any other issues.

[CTL03]

Hi Helen,

She's been like this since she started with me in Sept (although parents have admitted she's been having accidents since toilet training).

I just feel like nothing we do is helping and I dont know if preschool with accept her with pullups??

I know parents now feel pressured into getting her dry before she starts school in Sept.

It just feels like we are going round in circles.

I will see if parents are happy with pull-ups. It will definitely be a lot easier. The only thing is, it is not every day. Just recently she can go a whole week without accidents. Last week she had 3 in 3 days. So it completely differs!

[Helen79]

Preschool really shouldn't refuse a child in pull ups, surely it's better that a child is wearing pull ups than having to clean up accidents all day. If preschool say that they won't take her in pull ups, maybe give ofsted a ring to clarify if they have to to provide continuity of care and not to discriminate.

Up until the last few weeks, ds was the same, he'd go a few days with using the potty, then have accidents for weeks, then a few days dry. He wasn't ready to be potty trained so we've left it until this week and he's finally got it.

If parents feel pressured to get her dry by school, the lo will feel pressured aswell which won't help. They've got 8 months and even then if she has problems with it then I don't think school can refuse her in pull ups either.
If she stays in pants and keeps having accidents it will soon just become normal behaviour for her and will probably be more difficult in the long run than putting her back in pull ups now until she's really ready.

[mufftie]

i have a 3.5 yr old boy thats exactly the same , he just cant grasp the consept of going to the toilet and constantly wets and poohs himself , ive tried everything and its almost as if he's not feeling anything at the right time , i keep him in pull ups now and in the spring i shall go back to pants when ill give it another push , but its a nightmare . and alien to me as all my own children and ive got 5 of them have been fully dry before the age of 2 , gues i was just very lucky