Parent taking advantage

**sazz** · 09-01-2011, 09:43 PM

Hi, i apologise for the length of this post as i just have to get this off my chest and get some advice.

I have two families i mind for a little boy in the morning who's mum is fantastic. really good at letting me know things like school dates and such, and two boys i have after school.

I was first contacted and asked if i could have the two boys from 3pm till 7pm monday to friday, it then changed to monday to thursday and since then has change from 3pm till 7.30pm monday and tuesday and 3pm till 8pm wednesday and thursday. However dad kept turning up at 8pm everynight. i have since spoken to him and he now turns up at 7.30 everynight so that has been sorted. but i really feel he is taking advantage of me and he makes me feel very intimidated.

One of the boys went on a school trip which he didnt tell me about, so i turned up at the school to pick them both up to find one of them not there. he told me he would be back from the trip a few days later so i turned up again to pick both up to find he'd sent him home with someone else (again without telling me). I told him when he came to pick the other up that he needed to inform me of things such as term dates and trips.

Then when it snowed really badly, i was keeping an eye on which schools were closed and noticed the school he works in was closed, so i sent him a text just asking if he was still working as his school was closed. He then phoned me an hour later saying he wasnt working and so would pick them up.
The next day he sent me a message saying did he have to pay for that day coz he'd had to pick them up when it should have been me picking them up.

Then on the friday he turned up at my flat, without calling expecting me to write him a letter for his tax credits, i wasnt in but he caught up with me in the post office and i ended up having to write him this letter in the post office.

Then one of the boys went on another trip, and he neglected to let me know about again.

Then just before christmas it snowed again he phoned me at 3.15 just after i'd picked the boys up, to tell me that he wasnt at work so i could either take the boys to him in town or to mine and he'd collected them when he'd finished in town.

Then on tuesday he sent me a text message at half 9 saying "school open back today" As the little boy i have in the morning didnt start till thursday and he hadnt let me know when they went back i was with my mum and dad coz over christmas my dad had a stroke, so i text him back apologising but i wasnt in the area and that he should have let me know before that day. To which he told me i must know because the 4th of january is just a normal day so i should have been back.

then on thursday he phoned me 2.45 when i'd left to pick the boys up to tell me he was unwell and wouldnt be going to work so i could either drop the boys to him at home or take them to mine and he'd have someone pick them up later.

I find him really intimidating and feel he is taking advantage somewhat but dont know how to deal with him, any advice welcome.
so i gave him a letter reiterating that it was parents resposiblity to let me know dates prior to them. To which he sent me a long quite abusive message.

**sazz** · 09-01-2011, 10:07 PM

Should also mention that i'm nearly 8months pregnant x

**charlie potato** · 09-01-2011, 10:30 PM

sounds like you dont need this grief and it's a notice job. xx

**curlycathy** · 09-01-2011, 10:43 PM

I agree. Give notice - its not worth the stress xxx

**solly** · 09-01-2011, 10:54 PM

I agree give notice, you have given him enough chances to let you know what is going on and if he has given you an abusive letter then that also gives you a reason to get rid

**rickysmiths** · 09-01-2011, 11:02 PM

I would call them in for a chat to sort it out. Are you taking time off when you have the baby? Have you told the parents? I think it depends what you are doing really.

**charliegee** · 09-01-2011, 11:29 PM

oh you poor thing! sending a hug - no doubt this is stress you could well do without

I think from what you've said - if I were in your position I would give notice - think of yourself and your family - you shouldn't have to be stressed and unhappy about it all xxxxx

**gegele** · 09-01-2011, 11:38 PM

you're self employed, he doesn't employ you. you shouldn't made feel intimidated, you're the boss!!!!!!

i would give notice as well i'm not having anyone bullying me EVER!!!!

it's a partnership yes but you're a professional wouldn't get away with it with a nursery....

good luck

and with the baby as well

**Bridey** · 10-01-2011, 12:01 PM

He frightens you and he's sent you an abusive message? Give notice. Surely you'd be stopping soon to have the baby anyway? If you are nervous of giving him notice then just tell him its because you aren't returning to minding after you've had the baby. You can always, ahem, change your mind once you've had the baby and take on different children

In the future, don't rely on parents to give you school dates etc. Working parents forget things (I should know, I'm one myself!

) Get onto the school websites and check their calendars every month in advance and discuss with parents in advance. Just before they disappear for school holidays check with the parent what date they are returning etc.

However, I doubt even doing the above would have helped in this situation.

bexcee · 10-01-2011, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Bridey

He frightens you and he's sent you an abusive message? Give notice. Surely you'd be stopping soon to have the baby anyway? If you are nervous of giving him notice then just tell him its because you aren't returning to minding after you've had the baby. You can always, ahem, change your mind once you've had the baby and take on different children

In the future, don't rely on parents to give you school dates etc. Working parents forget things (I should know, I'm one myself!

) Get onto the school websites and check their calendars every month in advance and discuss with parents in advance. Just before they disappear for school holidays check with the parent what date they are returning etc.

However, I doubt even doing the above would have helped in this situation.

I agree with all of the above, I get a calendar from the schools that I collect from that shows the inset days, time dates, school trips etc etc and have it on my notice board, often the parents check on there if they are unsure about end of term dates etc!
I agree with the others that you should be giving notice to this family. what are the boys like though? Is it just the dad that's a pain? I expect you are going on maternity leave soon anyway so you can use that as an 'excuse' if it would make it easier for you.
Good luck

**Bridey** · 10-01-2011, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by bexcee

often the parents check on there if they are unsure about end of term dates etc!

I had to ring a parent last week ... "Err, I was expecting to see you and your girls this morning, you did realise school went back today?"

**loocyloo** · 10-01-2011, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Bridey

I had to ring a parent last week ... "Err, I was expecting to see you and your girls this morning, you did realise school went back today?"

lol! one of my mums text me last week to find out which day school went back!

**mufftie** · 10-01-2011, 01:54 PM

like the others said either give notice or if you cant afford to then put you price up accordingly as if your going to get greif then you want to be paid for your trouble

Pipsqueak · 10-01-2011, 02:17 PM

Lets weigh it up here:

the dad is an apparent bully and a bit of prickle?
you are 8months pregnant
the dad thinks you are the hired help and rides rough shod over you?

think this dad needs to have a shock. Give notice - no ifs no buts -its making you unhappy, you don't need this grief, sounds like no amounting of talking to the dad would get through to him, there is no 'working in partnership (this phrase works both ways)' - you want us to write the notice letter for you?

**The Juggler** · 10-01-2011, 02:27 PM

how dare he hound you to the post office and MAKE you write a letter. I would have maybe done it under duress then later told him if he EVER did that again I would give him immediate notice.

How dare he. Hon, your choice but personally I would give notice on the grounds of how he treated you that day.

Pipsqueak · 10-01-2011, 03:00 PM

Check your contract - if its NCMA you could terminate immediately on the grounds of the abusive text (keep all abusive texts but do not respond to them) and his irrational and intimidating behaviour.

grrrr to this bloke