Angry Parent.

[Manda L]

Can someone help with a now difficult issue.
One of my little ones was off all week last week ill.
Still very ill on Monday he returns, but parents not taking any more time off. Same next day, same the next.
Behaviour has been awful, whatever i've tried to do response has been screams and tantrums. I wrote this all down in daily dairy and updated upon collection.
Today i have received an epic of writing from them about how upset i've made them and that the mindee has been very ill and that i have been very unprofessional and that nuseries would not give comments like this, and that i just need to take the rough with the smooth.!!!!! (which was the point i was trying to make, he should be at home, as is clearly not well)
This has just come out of nowhere, and now when one of them collects they just rush off.
They also write they want to sit down and discuss, but they have now unsettled what i thought was a great relationship with the pages of anger writing, saying that i am not doin my job and questioning the activities i do with mindee.

How do you come back from this????

[rickysmiths]

I would ring them now and arrange a meeting as soon as possible to discuss things before any more resentment happens on either side.

I understand that if the child is ill they should be at home. However, it may be very hard for the parents if they have no pay when they are off, maybe they have used all their holiday up for this year and this week was a step further than they could go? I know it is not an excuse but I find even when you have the best relationship with parents you are not aware of exactly what makes a family tick.

Talking things through, a problem shared is a problem halved they say, may help to put things in perspective. Do they have any family or close friends near who could help out ? I have one family who don't and it can be very difficult for them.

Hope things sort themselves out.

[sillysausage]

Good advice from Rickysmiths.

[Bear23]

Although i feel your right in what you are saying,

i rarely right bad things in the diary, I generally just put ' we need to speak call later' or b was unsettled' and leave it at that.

When i used a childminder it used to give me pleasure to read what happened etc, and even now, a few years later, Its good to keep the books and re read. Not sure i'd want to re read about tantrums etc.. but thats just my view.

If i were you i'd ask to speak to them one on one, and get it all out in the open now. Otherwise the slightest thing will upset them, are they normally good? do you want to stay in a working relationship with them?

[sarah707]

Hmmm it's a tricky one because I only tend to share positive stuff with parents if I have handled the rest during the day.

They say a parent needs to hear 7 good things about their child to outweigh 1 bad sooo I would suggest you send home an end of term report which absolutely glows!

Talk about all the new things the child has done since the summer (or last time you wrote a summary of his learning journey).

Really big up his little achievements and include lots of photos and really positive language.

Explain that he has not been on form the last week due to ongoing illness but before then so many wonderful things have been happening.

A really good report, a card and little pressy might go a long way to mending the relationship.

I hope this inspires!

[Bear23]

Hmmm it's a tricky one because I only tend to share positive stuff with parents if I have handled the rest during the day.

They say a parent needs to hear 7 good things about their child to outweigh 1 bad sooo I would suggest you send home an end of term report which absolutely glows!

Talk about all the new things the child has done since the summer (or last time you wrote a summary of his learning journey).

Really big up his little achievements and include lots of photos and really positive language.

Explain that he has not been on form the last week due to ongoing illness but before then so many wonderful things have been happening.

A really good report, a card and little pressy might go a long way to mending the relationship.

I hope this inspires!

you word things so much better than me

[Ripeberry]

Even if a child was crying and being naughty all day, I would just ask to speak to parents about it and not give blow by blow account of it all.I try to use positive language in daily diaries as much as possible.

Sounds like the familly is stressed and yes the child should be at home with the parents, but some parents don't have that luxury, which is sad for everyone

[Manda L]

thank you all for your words.. it upset me so much, it really knocked me... quite upset too.
I tried to phone, but M out, so i just left a little message saying how sorry i was, as it was not my intention to upset them both, and that i could fully appreciate their feelings as i felt awful for upsetting them.
Agreed that it would be good to have alittle chat, as i dont get to see M as D always drops off and picks up.

[miffy]

thank you all for your words.. it upset me so much, it really knocked me... quite upset too.
I tried to phone, but M out, so i just left a little message saying how sorry i was, as it was not my intention to upset them both, and that i could fully appreciate their feelings as i felt awful for upsetting them.
Agreed that it would be good to have alittle chat, as i dont get to see M as D always drops off and picks up.

I hope you get a positive response to your message.

Hopefully, if you can sit down and discuss things you can get through it.

When you do meet them have some evidence of the things you do with lo - photos or craft work to show parents so that they know you do things with their lo.

It sounds as though lo's illness has been a stressful time for everyone, hope things improve soon

Miffy xx

[ajs]

one of my little ones was going through a horrible time, tantruming the whole time snatching biting fighting you know the form
i was writing it in the book so mum could see that she was the same with me as she was with her but one day mum came in asking if i really enjoyed looking after her daughter as reading her book she couldn't see any good things at all.
i agree from experience that parents simply do not want to know the truth.

follow sarah's advice and write up a glowing report highlighting all of the achievements this year and give it to mum with an apology and explain that you just wanted her to see that her little one wasn't herself but here is a report to show what is her little one

[angeldelight]

thank you all for your words.. it upset me so much, it really knocked me... quite upset too.
I tried to phone, but M out, so i just left a little message saying how sorry i was, as it was not my intention to upset them both, and that i could fully appreciate their feelings as i felt awful for upsetting them.
Agreed that it would be good to have alittle chat, as i dont get to see M as D always drops off and picks up.

Hope you are ok , hugs

I think you have done right by leaving a message

Hope you get it sorted

Keep us posted

Angel xx

[Pipsqueak]

Can someone help with a now difficult issue.
One of my little ones was off all week last week ill.
Still very ill on Monday he returns, but parents not taking any more time off. Same next day, same the next.
Behaviour has been awful, whatever i've tried to do response has been screams and tantrums. I wrote this all down in daily dairy and updated upon collection.
Today i have received an epic of writing from them about how upset i've made them and that the mindee has been very ill and that i have been very unprofessional and that nuseries would not give comments like this, and that i just need to take the rough with the smooth.!!!!! (which was the point i was trying to make, he should be at home, as is clearly not well)
This has just come out of nowhere, and now when one of them collects they just rush off.
They also write they want to sit down and discuss, but they have now unsettled what i thought was a great relationship with the pages of anger writing, saying that i am not doin my job and questioning the activities i do with mindee.

How do you come back from this????

you come back from this professionally and confidently.

you invite them to your turf for a meeting at a MUTALLY convienent time. Give it a few days though so you can all calm down. In your head you set a time limit and stick to it. If the meeting is getting heated or uncomfortable or taking a direction you are not happy with END THE MEETING.

In the meantime - get straight (jot it down) what you want to talk to them about - link it to your policies - reiterate about the illness and you are not a nurse etc etc.

disucss what they have said - refute where necessary and explain, tell them that their comments have hurt and upset you if they have and just explain to them that it was not your intention to upset them either and perhaps you made an error in judgement. However, if the child is ill the parents themselves have been extremely unfair in expecting you to care for him and unfair on the child. rough with the smooth???? hmm that does NOT include caring for a sick child and putting yourself, family and other minded children in the firing line.

I would be writing down notes during the meeting and getting them to initial if poss.

it does sound like a breakdown in communication and unrealistic expectations though and I do agree with Sarah about you have to be soooo careful about what you write down. Sounds like you were airing your frustrations at a very difficult situtation.



if you feel you cannot continue the contract - you need to be prepared to tell them - especially if you feel you cannot resolve the issues.

they sound like they are trying to call the shots with you - end of story don;t let them - this should be a partnership but at the end of the day they are choosing to use your services - the service that YOU set the terms and conditions for.

[curlycathy]

Good advice Pip.

It is difficult to know sometimes what to write without seeming to be overly negative but it is important that the parents understand how sending a sick child to your setting impacts on everyone - including their child who should be at home. Parents have to take the rough with the smooth too - that includes being at home with a sick child! And how would they cope if you came down with it and took time off anyway???

From another perspective - my dd goes to pre-school and recently went through an awful stage of crying there - she was basically following my friend around who works there, and when my friend had to leave the room she screamed for her until she came back. However, the staff there didnt tell me - it was dd who told me she'd cried and then I had to ask questions about what had happened and how they dealt with it. The manager actually spoke to me very rudely and made me feel awful, like it was my fault and I had to deal with it. But - at no point did they put anything on her daily sheet so I could see what was going on. It made it very difficult cos I did implement a reward chart for dd so if she didnt cry she got a sticker, 4 stickers meant a comic - but was still having to rely on dd to tell me what had happened.

Sorry - gone on a bit - the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we do need to record something "negative" so that we can all work together to try and resolve it. I guess its a case of trying to be diplomatic - not easy when we're feeling frustrated I know!

I hope you can resolve it xx

[Manda L]

I agree with all of you, and it's great advice...
Yes i was very very upset and did vent my frustration on here.
The last 2 days the little one has been great, back to normal cheeky self.
It is tricky on how to convey unwanted behaviour in positive way in daily diary, but with some behavoiur i agree we must make the parent aware, as it is a partnership and the last thing it should be is a surprise to them when their little ones do things.
Thankyou all once again. A x

[teacake2]

I have a fairly newish mindee who can be a right handful at times and his mum knows this, I do put in his diary that we have had the usual manic hour or two in the mornings (always the same) and mum quite understands this as it is regular, now two days this week he has been very quiet and not been racing round or shouting as usual, I obviously put this in his diary because it was not normal for him, and lo and behold he has got a really bad cough, cold high temperature and not come to-day.

[wendywu]

[

QUOTE=Manda L;829725]I agree with all of you, and it's great advice...
Yes i was very very upset and did vent my frustration on here.
The last 2 days the little one has been great, back to normal cheeky self.
It is tricky on how to convey unwanted behaviour in positive way in daily diary, but with some behavoiur i agree we must make the parent aware, as it is a partnership and the last thing it should be is a surprise to them when their little ones do things.
Thankyou all once again. A x

[/QUOTE]

I never put anything about negative behaviour in the dairy, it is too impersonal.

I have never had any behaviour that i cannot deal with. I have told parents when they pick up if an incident has occurred and how i handled it and it is all solved now.

Any thing that i needed their cooperation on i would talk face to face.