Advice on childs behaviour at home time

[Louise0208]

HELP!!!!

i have a great little girl that i mind 2 hours a day, shes 3 years, very happy, pleasent, knows right from wrong, responds well when i say no (in fact i wish they were all like her) but i have 1 issue & its becoming a worry to me.

she looks forward to mum arriving & mum is great, easy to talk to, caring & attentative etc but my mindee chucks a hissy fit quite often when its time to go home, real angry rage.....iv never seen anything like it in my life (i have 4 kids & have been minding on & off for 8 years) bites, kicks, screams, headbutts, refuses to get coat/shoes etc on & for a small lady shes got a serious strong side.

i try to restrain/protect her as much as i can so not to cause injury to herself, me, her mum or my daughter but shes sooo strong its useless.

i cant get her ready myself for mums arrival as shes often late by up to half hour & thens shes rushing back out so we cant 'ignore' the issue & let her calm down.

mum is having the same problems with her at home & she said its like a 'switch' thats pressed & shes off! i have never had tears or hissy fits with her apart from home time.

can anyone offer any advice please, mums got to the stage where shes feels shes doing something wrong & im all out of ideas having never dealt with it this extreme before

thanks folks

[pinky33]

Tell mum she needs to text or call when 15 min away if she can't fix a time to be there regularly.

Child can then have 5 min warning to finish activity, tea or whatever she's doing. Then you can have her ready to just leave and not linger to chat as this gives children time to act up.

Ours are ready and sit on bottom step 5 min before collection, taken to door for quick handover and it seems to have stopped this reaction from our children.

Hazel

[singingcactus]

Could it be something as simple as her coat/shoes being uncomfortable?
or some other physical discomfort?

[Louise0208]

hi thanks for the replies
its not a physical discomfort, as shes fine coming from school to me & getting coat/shoes on when we go out........ its pure rage, no tears, whining or normal crying....Full on scarey stuff! we have come to the conclusion that it might have something to do with being tired as she sleeps afterwards.

iv told mum il get her ready for the time shes due here & to do her shop run/chores after shes been picked up!

[sweets]

def get mum to text you when she is a few minutes away. also at 3 i would have a serious talk with her about how her behaviour upsets everyone including her.

i would also get her to help you make up a sticker chart for going home times and choose some stickers together that she likes BUT she only gets one if there are no tears and be VERY strict on this.

[juejue]

I use to have a mindee 3 who done the same when dad came for him. Dad use to feel terrible and say " its because he is having fun in yours"

I realised then.....he though the other kids were staying and will still be having fun. He will be missing out
I had to tell him. ....By the time you get to the end of the road X mum will be here and by the time you get by the shops Z mum will be here.
So by the time you get to your house I WILL HAVE NO KIDS HERE
Since then he has been fine.

Do you have other midees still in yours when she is getting picked up ?

[JCrakers]

I have had kids in the past that have shown bad behaviour when Mum turns up...Jumping on sofa, hitting Mum, Not getting shoes on, trying to climb over stair gate etc. but its usually when I,m trying to talk to her.
They havent seen her all day and want all her attention NOW...they don't care what sort of attention it is as long as they have it.

But your little one only comes 2hrs....
It could just be that she's trying to assert herself but is tired at the same time and it all just gets too much.

I would get Mum to text or ring when she's 5 mins away, then you have time to get her ready..When Mum arrives you can fill her in and she can go asap

Becky x

[amirose]

I have a mindee that was doing this, in the end I decided enough was enough! Three days a week his the last child to leave and it was taking 15 -30 minutes of screaming and tantruming to get him out the door! And then I would see mum outside getting kicked and punched while she fought him into the car seat
Mum now has to wait outside while I get him ready. I then pass him out the door - and the problem has now been completely solved
In can take me a good five minutes to get him ready, especially now with coats hats gloves etc but I discussed with mum what I was going to do, told her I would make sure his daily diary was filled out so shed know what he'd been up too and of course she can talk to me to drop off and we are all much happier for it!

[Louise0208]

Today was much easier (phew) i got her ready for home & we went into the front garden to play eye-spy till mum turned up, il be making a reward chart over the weekend & asked mum if she wants one to so she learns to accept whats going to happen at home & here.....but she said no

have told mum that this cant be done during bad weather & shes to call 5 mins before arriving so i can get her ready but she moaned & groaned about getting credit on her phone etc......mum said just get her ready at *oclock & she can sit & wait.......i can picture it now, sitting on the stair in a huge winter coat, hat, gloves, boots etc, heating on full & trying to occupy her (no shoes in my lounge) for 40 mins while mum 'nips' shop first ...................cant win

mums not interested in her daily diarys, learning journals or activities we do (i only do them for ofsted/eyfs/my sake) and the only time we have really stood & chatted is on how to deal with the situation, this happens as soon as shes walking up the drive.

i only have my own daughter at home during her pick up & by that point they have cleared everything up so she knows the fun is over. im kinda hoping none of this behaviour rubs off on my daughter (age 2) as iv been lucky with my kids......so far they have all been and never bit, pinched, kicked etc me or there dad......id be gutted

thanks for the advice folks
hopefully we will be sorted soon.....

[curlycathy]

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time with this lo hun but I'm a bit confused

Why don't you know when mum is coming? She should be sticking to her contract time so you all know where you are - including the lo who is probably quite confused. You can't get her ready and then have her sit for 40 minutes whilst this mum does her shopping or whatever - its not fair on you, your dd or the lo herself at all.

I would be reminding mum about the contracted time, tell her thats what time the lo will be expecting her and will be ready for her and then slap on late charges if she's late.

Sorry hun - I don't mean to come across as harsh - I'm just on your behalf that this mum doesnt seem to have any appreciation or respect for you - or her child for that matter!

[Goatgirl]

Nice work with the progress so far

If the mum can't afford a text to let you know she's coming, rather than have the LO ready and waiting, why not tell Mum you will only open the door once you have LO ready?
I have done this on odd occasions, when children start playing up just as they see a parent arrive at the door. "come on then X, I'm not opening the door until you're ready" Its been quite effective.

You never know, after a few waits she might be able to text you after all

hope you manage to get it sorted soon
wendy

[Goatgirl]

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time with this lo hun but I'm a bit confused

Why don't you know when mum is coming? She should be sticking to her contract time so you all know where you are - including the lo who is probably quite confused. You can't get her ready and then have her sit for 40 minutes whilst this mum does her shopping or whatever - its not fair on you, your dd or the lo herself at all.

I would be reminding mum about the contracted time, tell her thats what time the lo will be expecting her and will be ready for her and then slap on late charges if she's late.

Sorry hun - I don't mean to come across as harsh - I'm just on your behalf that this mum doesnt seem to have any appreciation or respect for you - or her child for that matter!

I also think this

[manjay]

I agree if mum moans about the cost of sending texts then just let her know you will open the door when lo is ready to leave. This type of behaviour is pretty typical at pick up time (although your lo sounds a bit extreme). From my point of view it just embarrasses everyone trying to deal with a child who is having none of it. I do think Mum needs to stick to pick up times. Do her shopping sprees mean she is late picking up? If so that is just plain rude imo!

All my parents arrive on time but if for some reason the child is not ready then I will leave the door closed until they are. I have explained this to all parents and they understand my reasons.

Hope you manage to get it sorted

[Louise0208]

yes...i do charge late fees, when i was a childminder up untill a few years back i made the mistake of letting parents 'get away with it' and was walked all over.

mum has to rely on bus's to get home from work so i understand that 5 mins here & there is gonna happen, i never get an apology or reason why shes late but every time she is she has at least 1 bag of shopping & she doesnt have time before work.

il ask her if she wants to change the contract to half past instead of 0clock so that gives her an extra half hour & at least if she is genuinly running late (traffic/missed bus) then she should still reach me in time!

thank goodness its not evenings/my finishing time.....else id be doing my nut!

[rickysmiths]

I have a just 4yr old who I have looked after since she was 8mths old. Since her baby brother joined us 15mths ago she will often 'kick off' at home time. It usually starts with crying as soon as mum or dad come through the door. She won't tell why she is suddenly crying she is more than capable of vocalising her feelings. She is as right as rain 30 secs before the door bell goes and as they go to the car she will be screaming and kicking

I have another one who is nearly 5 and she when through a stage of sreaming and kicking at home time. I think her poor Dad used to dread picking her up! She started this behaviour as suddenly as it stopped and we never really got to the bottom of it.

It sounds like you have tried to relieve the situation. I would be adding heavy late fees to the next invoice or asking for a contract review and changing the contracted hours if mum can't get to you at the time on the present contract.

[Louise0208]

another good goodbye, me & mum even managed a 10 min chat.

as i needed to talk to mum (and it was fees day) i distracted LO with some cookies we made (bribery....works every time ) mum has agreed to change the contacted time to half past

shes also told me shes just been suprised by her parents with tickets to go home (USA) for christmas so having 3 weeks off & i have been paid in full today, i usually have her older daughter during the holidays & thought this christmas would be manic......looks like it will be a quieter affair (although the monster in law is coming to stay for a week which will drive me insane! )

and its friday

happy weekend folks

[Ripeberry]

Glad you are happier. And there is always a silver lining to every black cloud