urgent advice needed please

**sandy64** · 24-11-2010, 03:59 PM

hi i mind a lo 17mths have had a lot of behavior issues which up until today i thought was getting better but 3 times today l has hurt 3 other lo whilst
out, but need help r.e her absolute foul landuage today my other 2 lo commented cant say words but 1 starts with f and 2nd bu she shouted it lots at first i ignored it but after other lo noticed i told her of she laughed and said it louder so i removed her from highchair and put on floor not the first time shes sworn but today was bad what do i do????????????? have wrote incident and will talk to dad but any advice would be good on how to deal with this.

**marnieb** · 24-11-2010, 04:24 PM

honestly - I'm lost for words!!!!! My dd is almost 21 months and can say mummy and please, and that's it, never mind a swear word!!!

Tell mum you will not tolerate bad language in your setting, and can you work together on how to stop it, time out, exclusion from activites, etc. If she can swear then she can understand time out!!!

Pipsqueak · 24-11-2010, 04:26 PM

a 17 month old using foul language? that is shocking and they will have got it from somewhere.

Kids are like sponges and will often repeat things as you know - especially if they discover it has shock value.

you done the right thing by ignoring. I would have also removed them from other children - taken away the audience as well.

I think you are going to have to speak to parents and come up with a plan of action that you are all working towards.

**venus89** · 24-11-2010, 04:29 PM

I had one who used to come saying sh**. Mum would say it at home absentmindedly, he heard, picked it up and loved the reaction when he said it! So we ignored it when he swore and she took to saying 'sugar' instead of sh** and pretended that was a rude word when he copied it..... Didn't 100% cure him (but I'm not 100% sure she stopped swearing within his earshot) but it certainly helped. I'd suggest giving her any kind of reaction for it will act as a catalyst, and that ignoring it when she says it will help stop it quicker....

**jane5** · 24-11-2010, 04:44 PM

Sorry I really dont have any advice other than to repeat what others have said, ignore him.

I am just really shocked cos my dd is 2 yrs 5 months and I cant even imagine her saying it.

I think you just have to keep in your mind that he is so young and its the parents fault, not his.

**sandy64** · 24-11-2010, 05:41 PM

thanks for your replies spoke to dad he says he doesnt swear funny i hear him frequently told me to deal with it how i would my own children. doesnt really help me. my 2 have never sworn we dont swear near kids. so may try ignoring it, but i do have to think of the other lo's i would hate them to copy. any other ideas shes to young to do a star chart isnt she??

**teacake2** · 24-11-2010, 05:42 PM

I used to look after one like that, he was about the same age as well. He heard it all the time from his parents, they were always rowing, splitting up, hitting each other, little one didn't know any other behaviour except when he was with me. She was having another one when they stopped bringing him, owing me and every one else money. He was excluded from pre-school for his language and constantly fighting the other children, he was excluded from school on the second day for head-butting another child and punching his teacher. He is no better now and he is 7 and while he is still living with his parents (and I use that word very loosely) he will never know anything better.
The other one is the same I have been told.
Teacake2

**miffy** · 24-11-2010, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by sandy64

thanks for your replies spoke to dad he says he doesnt swear funny i hear him frequently told me to deal with it how i would my own children. doesnt really help me. my 2 have never sworn we dont swear near kids. so may try ignoring it, but i do have to think of the other lo's i would hate them to copy. any other ideas shes to young to do a star chart isnt she??

That's a real cop out for dad - if lo is swearing so much in your house he must be doing it at home too so dad must have heard him.

Can you talk to mum you need to have at least one parent on board.

I would definitely ignore the child when they swear - turn your back and focus on the other children, although if it's really bad you may need to take the other children away.

Miffy xx

**karensmart4** · 24-11-2010, 10:17 PM

Can I just ask, does she say all the 'normal' things a child of that age should or does she swear 99% of the time?

Just asking because without us being involved, or knowing the child or her family, we shouldn't dismiss a mental health problem such as terets (sp).

Karen

**sandy64** · 25-11-2010, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by karensmart4

Can I just ask, does she say all the 'normal' things a child of that age should or does she swear 99% of the time?

Just asking because without us being involved, or knowing the child or her family, we shouldn't dismiss a mental health problem such as terets (sp).

Karen

hi no she is quite forward for her age says lots of words and now joining 2 together she does copy most things i say which is good but obviously shes hearing the bad words else where and repeats it up until yesterday id only heard her say b**ger it was dad which says have you heard her say f**k andC**t so when he denyed it yesterday i was amazed. well so far today only good words

**mama2three** · 25-11-2010, 02:00 PM

Originally Posted by sandy64

hi no she is quite forward for her age says lots of words and now joining 2 together she does copy most things i say which is good but obviously shes hearing the bad words else where and repeats it up until yesterday id only heard her say b**ger it was dad which says have you heard her say f**k andC**t so when he denyed it yesterday i was amazed. well so far today only good words

Im sorry but I would be warning the parents that they need to work with you or you will give notice. You mention lo is hurting other children , and now Dad is so dismissive of her use of words F and C !
I know that finances must be taken into account and its hard to lose some of your income - but if her behaviour / language continues you run the risk of your other families leaving you. It wont be long before the others are copying her. Time to get tough!

**sandy64** · 25-11-2010, 06:57 PM

i agree had another chat today with dad and have said it cant go on i think he may realise that im being serious now as he actually told her off when she slapped him across the face, its very hard and yes i would be losing money but i also will need to think of everyones needs.as i do no one lo isnt as happy coming at mo as he doesnt like her as she seems to target him again. thanks for advice i really need it as sometimes i think it would be eassier just changing my job

**youarewhatyoueat** · 25-11-2010, 07:07 PM

When she says the words you don't want I would repeat the sound but using a different word. ie duck,muck etc. and turn it into a sentence, like ' shall we go and find a picture of a duck'!! at that age its just a word that she obviously hears and I would just encourage other words and ignore it.
The more of a deal you make of it the more it will be said, your own children may experiment with copying but if you just ignore or say the words we use are ..... they soon get the message what is acceptable at your house regardless of what they hear at home.