Am I wrong to refuse care

**francinejayne** · 10-11-2010, 10:17 PM

I have posted about one of my families before - I have looked after their H age 1 and E age 4 since September.

E had behaviour issues - with myself, school and I have subsequently found out with the nursery he attended before he started school in Sept.

With ground rules and consistency his behaviour has improved with me (it has been hard work and has involved lots of effort on my part), however mum is now the issue - she tells me she doesn't like me telling E to do things - one example of this, in the morning when it is time to leave for school I will say to all the children "it's time to go to school now, put your shoes and coats on please!" According to mum I shouldn't do this as I am not giving him a choice, "he has human rights and one of his rights is to always have a choice!"

She also tels me that giving him one warning when he is misbehaving is not enough, she would like me to give him 4!!!

Anyway, I had enough and gave notice, my official last day of caring for them both is this Friday

however dad rang me on numerous occasions and has pleaded with me to extend the end date of care until the end of November, eventually I agreed and told them they must therefore pay me immediately for the extra care I will be providing. This agreement was made last Saturday and he said he would sort out payment immediately. I have not yet been paid.

If they don't pay me by Monday can I refuse to care for them?

**Mookins** · 10-11-2010, 10:20 PM

whos your insurance company hun MM or NCmA?

i think you can only suspend care due to non payment with MM but not quite sure on that

xx

**francinejayne** · 10-11-2010, 10:21 PM

It's NCMA, but my official last day according to the letter of notice I gave them is this Friday, after that was as a favour anyway!

**smartie** · 10-11-2010, 10:25 PM

I would either write a letter and send it by next day delivery or hand deliver it yourself or even write a text message, Saying something like: further to our conversation on the ??. I will provide care for X and Y upto and including Blah. Payment for this care must be made in advance no later than the first day of the additional care. I look forward to hearing from you, or I look forward to receiving payment forthwith, or I look forward to seeing you on...

I think you will have covered your bases then.

**smartie** · 10-11-2010, 10:31 PM

Personal comment : I think she is storing up a whole heap of trouble for later on. LOL.

**francinejayne** · 10-11-2010, 10:35 PM

Originally Posted by smartie

Personal comment : I think she is storing up a whole heap of trouble for later on. LOL.

I couldn't agree more!

**snufflepuff** · 10-11-2010, 10:35 PM

I think i'd just send a message or phone to say that as you have not received payment as agreed you presume they no longer need the extra childcare. If they do infact need you, the money must be with you before Monday- otherwise you will not be able to help.
If theres nothing in writing to say you agreed to carry on until the end of the month, the date on the notice letter still stands.

**karen m** · 11-11-2010, 06:48 AM

why o why can parents not just pay what they owe ,plus surely you discussed things like how many times you would give lo warnings for misbehaving ,etc when you had first meeting with mum,if she didn't think how you worked was right why send lo to you,also maybe if she only gave 1 warning behviour would not be as bad

**WibbleWobble** · 11-11-2010, 07:54 AM

heh heh heh...i love folk like this!

My sil and bro told us we couldnt say "no" to my eldest nephew. No is a "negative " word and they didnt want negativity in his life

They would not let him watch any tv at all or have any toys that were chracter based.

He turned into the most unrully child. Even his own grandparents found it hard to like him.

He got a little brother when he was three and since then its tv, thomas the tank and lots of "no".

He is five in january and thank goodness has turned into a lovely (but boistrous) little boy.

SIL has lots of books on child rearing.......

Rod for her own back comes to mind!

or am i just an old fashioned and out of date mum?

mandy xxxxx

**miffy** · 11-11-2010, 08:00 AM

I think you're fine to refuse care - the original contract ends tomorrow.

Dad hasn't kept to the verbal agreement you made. I would let them know that you won't be accepting the children on Monday though - this might save an unpleasant scene on your doorstep.

Personally, I think you're well rid!

Miffy xx

**francinejayne** · 11-11-2010, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by miffy

I think you're fine to refuse care - the original contract ends tomorrow.

Dad hasn't kept to the verbal agreement you made. I would let them know that you won't be accepting the children on Monday though - this might save an unpleasant scene on your doorstep.

Personally, I think you're well rid!

Miffy xx

Thanks for your comments - thanks to everyone! I have had a night of virtually no sleep at all as it's constantly on my mind, I'm filling up writing this, I just want this horrid chapter to end!
I'm actually hoping that they don't pay!!!
xxx

**suzyblue** · 11-11-2010, 08:13 AM

Your forgetting to 'warn' the parents 4 times before you refuse care!

**miffy** · 11-11-2010, 08:13 AM

It's not a pleasant situation to be in but if it's getting to you then sort it out today and just write a short note saying as payment has not been received for X from (date) to (date) as agreed on (Saturday) I am withdrawing the offer to care for X from Monday 15/11/2010 to (whenever) and post it through their door.

For all you know, they have already made other arrangements and you are losing sleep when there is nothing to worry about.

Chin up!

Miffy xx

**caz3007** · 11-11-2010, 09:00 AM

I hope they dont turn up and pay, it sounds like it was a horrific time. What are you supposed to do if the child said no when you said it was time to do the school run, be late or leave it behind.

How on earth is this child going to cope when he goes to school and has rules there....glad he wont be going to my local school, thats all I can say

**Ripeberry** · 11-11-2010, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by smartie

Personal comment : I think she is storing up a whole heap of trouble for later on. LOL.

Can you imagine the child as a teenager?

**Andrea08** · 11-11-2010, 09:19 AM

hi, it sounds like you already gave notice and later extended on the phone not in writing to end of nov... if so and they do not pay you for the extra weeks then refuse ... we have rights too and lord help the next nursery/childmindre to have this family

good luck

**wendywu** · 11-11-2010, 09:25 AM

I would not even extend the care if they did turn up with the money now.

Shut the door on the whole episode and forget them. She sounds a very silly woman who does not know her own child and does not want help with him.

So when as a teenager he wants to try drugs will she let him make his own choices then

**loocyloo** · 11-11-2010, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by parsleypetal

heh heh heh...i love folk like this!

My sil and bro told us we couldnt say "no" to my eldest nephew. No is a "negative " word and they didnt want negativity in his life

They would not let him watch any tv at all or have any toys that were chracter based.

He turned into the most unrully child. Even his own grandparents found it hard to like him.

He got a little brother when he was three and since then its tv, thomas the tank and lots of "no".

He is five in january and thank goodness has turned into a lovely (but boistrous) little boy.

SIL has lots of books on child rearing.......

Rod for her own back comes to mind!

or am i just an old fashioned and out of date mum?

mandy xxxxx

are you related to my SIL?

!!! they thought and told everyone and us that we were far too hard on DS ( he is 8 mths older than their eldest ) ... but we have a child that is welcomed everywhere and knows how to behave ... they have one who isn't! they have had 2 more children since then, and have finally discovered the word no! none of them are particuarly pleasant children yet!

the excuse is the best one '' but i have 3 children, its so hard having 3 '' sometimes i point out that i nannied for 4 children, and a couple of sets of 3 children, and whilst minding can have 10 or so after school! !!!

**francinejayne** · 11-11-2010, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by miffy

It's not a pleasant situation to be in but if it's getting to you then sort it out today and just write a short note saying as payment has not been received for X from (date) to (date) as agreed on (Saturday) I am withdrawing the offer to care for X from Monday 15/11/2010 to (whenever) and post it through their door.

For all you know, they have already made other arrangements and you are losing sleep when there is nothing to worry about.

Chin up!

Miffy xx

Thank you SOOOOOOO much, I am going to do this tonight and give it to them tomorrow - which is officially their last day with me. Ooh I feel much happier already!
xxx

**Goatgirl** · 11-11-2010, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by francinejayne

Thank you SOOOOOOO much, I am going to do this tonight and give it to them tomorrow - which is officially their last day with me. Ooh I feel much happier already!
xxx

In the circumstances, this is a great decision: you sound so upset, poor love

..
I'd be careful with the wording though: don't let it sound as though you made an agreement with Dad which you're backing out of. You only verbally agreed ON THE UNDERSTANDING that payment would be immediate for the extra few weeks care. They sound like they might make a big deal out of it otherwise. Give them no amunition, so that you can finally say goodbye to this nightmare and the stress - Tomorrow!!!

And if they do turn up, just hand the letter over and say: no you've misunderstood. I haven't had payment. I wont be caring for the children. The written contract and written notice stands.

It'll be such a relief when its all over. Onwards and upwards

best wishes,
Wendy