Its only two days per week

**Kaz1997** · 08-10-2010, 06:05 PM

What a day.... I mind brothers 2yrs & 3yrs twice a week and to be honest I do not want to wake up on these days anymore. Things are fine until LUNCH and then the tears start and they do not stop, normally I can get through it and coax them with good results in the end but today was a different story altogether.
Arrive, mum tells me 3yr old is tearful this morning! Mum leaves all is ok, take him to nursery and come home with 2yr old, have a lovely morning. Collect 3yr old and get home. Ask him what he would like for lunch, he decides chicken nuggets and chips (not a meal I cook usually but for a nice peaceful lunch I thought "Yeah why not"... he helped me prepare it and counted the nuggets for me. So far so good or so I thought.....
Put plates on table and sat boys down, 3yr old sobbing but wont say why, finally comforts him into eating he manages one chip and half a nugget, then 2 yr old starts crying he also wont tell me whats wrong.. cut a long story a bit short if one wasn't crying the other one was!!!!! 2yr old crying cos he wants juice (Why cry, just ask for juice), sort out him then back to 3yr old sobbing again, tops up he wants a wee (go to the toilet then, you know where it is) I go with him, he pee's over the side of toilet and wets all clothes now the tears a louder. I tell him not to cry and that accidents happen, I clean him up and change his clothes reassuring him all the time. Back to the table and he starts crying again, by this time I don't know if I am on my A*** or my Elbow, slowing loosing the plot but still soldier on. In the end after 40 mins of both taking it in turns to cry I ask if they want the food, they say no and once again it goes in the bin.
Within minutes 3 yr old crying cos he wants his dinner

I explain its in the bin and offer a ham sandwich, he perks up and says Yes Please, again he helps me to prepare. As soon as I put it in front of him, he cries... then 2 yr old takes ham out and eats that but not the bread, he then cries cos he wants more ham... give him 3 more slices of ham (he eats it and the bread is in bin) 3yr old is crying and says its because his brother wont eat the bread. I asked if he wanted the bread, No... I give him more ham he eats one bite from 2 slices and it goes in the bin... (Used almost a whole packet of ham)
Is it me or am I allowed to go insane (silently)
Then to top it all, each time the 3yr old popped off he slightly messed his pants and was changed a total of 4 times including the wet pants...
We go to school, guess what?? He stands in the playground and for no obvious reason he begins to cry again.. at this point I turned to my friend (another childminder) and I started to cry having lost the plot completely, and then another mindee a lovely girl age 4 cried because I was crying. I did compose myself after a minute or so and comforted the 3 yr old again.
I did text the mum to say that I thought he maybe under the weather as he was crying all day and bless her... (She came and got the boys half and hour earlier)
So sorry for the rather long essay but I needed to get this off my chest, I would have a drink tonight but after the day I have had, I now have a migraine and I'm not sure drink is the best cure, will make up for it tomorrow night though ... Bless you all for being bothered to read this!
WHAT A DAY!!!

Pipsqueak · 08-10-2010, 06:14 PM

Sounds like its been one of them days for a lot of us.

Lets all heave a collective sigh of relief shall we - all together now....

sighhhhhhhhhhhh

sorry no good advice to give at the moment apart that would be supportive or constructive.....

onceinabluemoon · 08-10-2010, 06:24 PM

Firstly, if they are crying all day like that for no apparent reason call mum and get her to collect.

As for dinner if they refuse their food then fine but don't offer them anything else and don't make a fuss cajoling them into eating. (You are rewarding unwanted behaviour) If they're hungry they'll eat. Please don't be their little slave making this and that for them all afternoon. You start it now and you'll never stop it hunnie.

If a child is reducing you to tears it's time to get tough or get rid.

I think Pip is right a lot of us seem to have had tough days today (me included, lol!)

**Helcatt** · 08-10-2010, 06:31 PM

what a tough day

Where's a hug smiley when you need one

I was like this most of the day

but boiling up inside and (hopefully) not shown to the mindees (too much)

HX

**Louise B** · 08-10-2010, 06:31 PM

OMG you poor thing!! Sounds awful. Crying can drive you nuts, but it's not so bad if they don't do it for long. Sounds like they might be tired, do they sleep much at night?

I don't know if I'm awful after reading your post, but I only offer one meal, no choices (except if it's a quiet night like tonight, so I let them choose). If they don't eat it, they get offered a yoghurt and fruit, and if they don't eat that, they don't get anything else. At first, my kids kept asking for more, going to the fridge and offering the mindees anything and everything. I soon put a stop to it, it costs a fortune and I spend all afternoon being a waitress. Now I've started a menu and will make sure I stick to it, hoping to start next week. It'll have a hot meal, and an alternative for the child who has a school dinner, and I've got a little girl with an allergy, so that's taken into account. I think your two today were just not going to be happy, but if they'd asked for chicken nuggets and chips, just give them the food and leave it.

My own kids are really tearful when they haven't slept well. I hope that's all it was, and they'll be ok next week for you ((( ))) xxx

**Kaz1997** · 08-10-2010, 06:41 PM

Thanks for the replies peeps!

In the past I have not offered alternative meals and then I get it in the neck from the parents.. "You mean to tell me that my child has not eaten all day" blah blah blah.. simply can not do right for doing wrong!

All this planning crap does my head in, I spend all weekend planning and then get these sort of days every thursday and friday and the plans go out of the window.

I did ask mum if the boys eat at the table at home. "Oh yes, if they are watching CBB's the tv gets switched off and they eat at the table, apart from weekends when we allow them to sit at their own small table and chairs in the living room with the TV on"

she insists this is only done weekends but I am reluctant to believe her, personally I think they sit in front of the TV for meals for a quiet life.... you can't tell me that the boys do not behave like that at home at meal times surely!

**Ripeberry** · 08-10-2010, 06:46 PM

Gosh, the mealtimes at their own home must be stressful to say the least

I'd be inclined to just make sure they eat a sandwich maybe as a picnic in the park or even in the car to see what they are like then.

If they don't cry over the food in 'unusual' places then something at home is making them very anxious about mealtimes.

If they are making you so upset, then is it worth it?

**Kaz1997** · 08-10-2010, 06:59 PM

Money is very tight at the moment as I lost a few children at the beginning of September and I have never given up on a child yet, so I am going to persevere, hopefully things will settle, its only their 4th week with me and only have the two days makes it harder for them to adapt as its a long break inbetween.

Just text mum to see how 3rd old was? Update: Very bad belly, 3 poo's also 2yr olds tummy been bad which is how mum was on monday

looks like I will be having a dodgy tummy in a day or two.. CHEERS FOR THAT!!
She then went on to say "Have a restful evening after the day with my boys crying" Well thanks for that I thought! x

onceinabluemoon · 08-10-2010, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kaz1997

Thanks for the replies peeps!

In the past I have not offered alternative meals and then I get it in the neck from the parents.. "You mean to tell me that my child has not eaten all day" blah blah blah.. simply can not do right for doing wrong!

All this planning crap does my head in, I spend all weekend planning and then get these sort of days every thursday and friday and the plans go out of the window.

Packed lunches are the way to go then!

Write a letter home tonight/tomorrow, hand deliver it tomorrow stating that due to the children not eating what you prepare it is no longer viable to cook them lunch and could parents please pack lunches for them as from (whatever date they are next in). Insist it is nothing that has to be reheated so they cannot do the same thing with their packed lunch. The onus is then handed back to parents to get them to eat, not you.

If they play up every week then I think you really do have to think about giving notice.

[edited to add - just seen your post above, I didn't realise they'd not been with you for long, this could be why they are so upset then? I would still recommend the packed lunches though. ]

**Kaz1997** · 08-10-2010, 08:41 PM

Thanks for all your advice, you peeps are wonderful...

I did recommend pack lunches, so lets see how things go next week. x

**polly0** · 08-10-2010, 08:58 PM

I agree with onceinabluemoon about packed lunches. I have had a 3yr old today he chose his dinner then refused to eat it, later when a parent came to drop off a baby that is settling in with me he asked me for a chocolate bar in front of her and I told him no because he had not eaten his dinner. He then began to cry which I took no notice of and gave him a banana on the way to school. I was like you at first not wanting to send them home hungry but I was going through so much food that I will definitely use OIAbluemoons option of asking for a packed lunch for fussy children.

**The Juggler** · 08-10-2010, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by onceinabluemoon

Firstly, if they are crying all day like that for no apparent reason call mum and get her to collect.

As for dinner if they refuse their food then fine but don't offer them anything else and don't make a fuss cajoling them into eating. (You are rewarding unwanted behaviour) If they're hungry they'll eat. Please don't be their little slave making this and that for them all afternoon. You start it now and you'll never stop it hunnie.

If a child is reducing you to tears it's time to get tough or get rid.

I think Pip is right a lot of us seem to have had tough days today (me included, lol!)

I agree honey, they eat what they've chosen/asked for, get a chance to eat -I wouldn't be making more. sounds like the crying may be a form of tantrum I have had children who never screamed just sobbed their tantrms out. Sounds like this is their way of stamping their feet. Also sounds like both are very tired. could they have blankets and quiet time for 1/2 hour in the afternoon - a powernap if ok with mum?

**Kaz1997** · 08-10-2010, 09:56 PM

The 2yr old had already had a sleep, he seems to copy the 3yr old. The 2yr old was not too bad in the afternoon he was quiet a cheeky little sausage. I did try and get the 3yr old to have a nap but he was far too busy crying.
Mum has said she doesn't mind them having a nap. I believe they do go to bed about 7pm however they are usually up about 6am....

From the message mum sent tonight it would appear he does have a bad tummy, so I think this and not being with me for too long is a factor to the crying. The child is very talkative normally and does hold conversations with me, so it really grates me on days like today when he wont tell me whats wrong! Surely he could say "My belly hurts" or "I want Mummy" etc...

Anyway have requested packed lunch for next week so fingers crossed... although something tells me we will still have tears... its as if they do not want to sit and the table but I will not be serving food in the front room infront of the telly... NO WAY..

**loocyloo** · 09-10-2010, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by The Juggler

I agree honey, they eat what they've chosen/asked for, get a chance to eat -I wouldn't be making more. sounds like the crying may be a form of tantrum I have had children who never screamed just sobbed their tantrms out. Sounds like this is their way of stamping their feet. Also sounds like both are very tired. could they have blankets and quiet time for 1/2 hour in the afternoon - a powernap if ok with mum?

i have a LO (3yrs) who will ( as far as i can tell initially

) burst into tears for no reason, and then sort of snorts and puffs with it! its a truly delightful noise (

),and obviously mummy and daddy INSTANTLY offer all sorts of solutions to the problem. sadly i just ignore the noise, or remind LO that she can talk and i can only solve problems that someone tells me about, oh, and babies cry not big girls !!! i've had her for over 18mths and she still does it! drives me potty! its usually that she hasn't got her own way over something, or we are doing something she doesn't want to do - like a school run ! LOL!

goodluck OP!