I want them to like me!!

[Sam's mum]

Hi

I'm a new childminder, and I have a couple of questions...

Basically, I'm struggling with how to set clear boundaries but at the same time make sure the children are happy (and don't go home and tell their parents how horrible I am!!!)

For instance today, I had a 3 year old who didn't want to eat her lunch cos she 'didn't like it' (but hadn't tried it). She made quite a fuss about it but I stood my ground and said if she tried it and didn't like it I'd make her another one, but she refused to even try it, so I gave her fruit and yogurt and she had no sarnie (not sure if that was the right thing to do..)

And there were other occasions where she wanted / didn't want to do something.

Also, are kids generally really happy to see thier mums and dads? Cos mine all go rushing to the door when they hear the bell and it makes me wonder if they're desperate to leave!!

What do you think?!

[Mykidsrock]

I have one LO who is a delight all day then as soon as mum comes it is tears and temper tantrums. Mum is well aware that this is not the norm during the day.

My own child goes to a nursery and you would think that they hate it for the way they run out to me at home time and throw themselves at me - needless to say, I know they love it and beg to go.

As for the refusal to eat something, just note it and explain you tried. Maybe it is something that the LO does at home also. Either way, it is no doubt a way of testing you to see what your reaction will be and also very common behaviour for a 3 year old.

Good luck

[Pipsqueak]

Of course you want the children to like you and have a good time at your place - thats only natural BUT you are their carer primarily not their friend. To be their friend you need too gain their respect and trust and vice versa - and like being a parent you need to set firm and consistent rules and boundaries. It is afterall, your home as well, so you don't want it trashed by disrespectul children.

By being firm, caring, warm, fun, providing stimulating activies/resources, knowing the children in your care that is how you build a good relationship.

I have some children you are overjoyed to see their parents, i have some children who are indifferent and others who wail and scream when they see them. Regardless, of how they are i know the children like coming to my house and spending time here - because I observe their reactions, i ask them and the parents for feedback.

Children have a choice, they are welcomed into the fold of the rest of the children and family and they can play by my rules or its will be a difficult time for them. Sounds harsh but if kids (or parents) don;t like me - well their problem not mine, you can't suit everyone all of the time.

[Ripeberry]

The parents of my mindee sometimes try and avoid driving past my house at the weekend as J has a meltdown if he is not coming to my house and seing it reminds him that he is not going there that day

But on the other hand, when he is at our home he will ignore his parents for a couple of minutes when they come into the house and then he is dragging them out of the house!

Kids are funny

[Sam's mum]

Thanks everyone.

I guess I'm worried as it's early days that if they go home and they're not happy then their parents will cancel the contract!

But hopefully these little things like the sarnie incident won't affect her overall impression of me and her day!

[KarenM]

I think most parents are understanding, they choose us to be care givers, and part of that is boundaries. As long as you keep up good communication and let them know of any big incidents but always end on a positive, then parents are ok. Unless you get some really nasty parents and then its not worth it anyway.

[liverpoolsusie]

I have a little boy like that and I have spoken to mum who has told me not to make him anything different and not to give him dessert if he wont eat his main meal, she says if he is hungry he will eat, Im new as well so understand just how you feel :0)