What do yo do

**venus89** · 08-09-2010, 12:22 PM

with children who will not play independently?

I have two children I mind - both nearly 4 -who don't play independently at all, nor play very much with the other children. Each will follow me if I leave the room, stand in the kitchen while I prepare the lunches etc. I provide a variety of resources for them to play with, which they'll happily do if I'm in the room with them, but they just seem to want to be with me all the time. Up till now this hasn't been too big a problem - I'm happy to chat with them whilst I prepare lunch, or get the fridge magnets out for them to play with. But the second one is a new arrival and she doesn't have a nap or even a rest in the day. So whereas with the other one I could have a break when he had his sleep, with this one there's no break, no chill time for me at all. I've never had minded children who don't nap before and I need just a 15 minute break during the day to recharge my batteries after lunch whilst the little ones are sleeping.

I've said this to the little girl - I just need ten minutes to have a cup of tea. I sit in the room with her and encourage her to do something on her own for a while, then afterwards I'll sit down with her and join in, or we'll find something new to do.

But she kind of mooches around in that ten minutes, even with plenty of options of things to do, books to look at, even with her LMax she brought this morning Mum said she could play with for 15 minutes. So I feel guilty for not spending that time with her but if I don't I'll be frazzled.

Any advice?

**merry** · 08-09-2010, 01:43 PM

Let her mooch and don't feel guilty

I've had a few children like this over the years and most of the time, due to a combination of different ages/naptimes, don't get a child-free break all day. We have quiet reading time after lunch where the children all sit at the table with books. If they're desperate to get down from the table they can, but they get to understand very quickly that I don't play with them til quiet read is over. They do the same after snack at pre-school so it gets little ones used to it before they go. You're doing them a favour by encouraging them to develop inner resources and self reliance, when they get to school they won't get constant adult attention.

**kindredspirits** · 08-09-2010, 02:10 PM

I second the PP - some children are just not going to develop those skills unless they are left to their own devices sometimes.
A mindee i have is the same - he is constantly badgering me to play with him, and i love playing with him don't get me wrong - but i also need a bit of space during the day - i tell him i will play when i have finished my tea and its up to him if he chooses to do nothing during that time - it took about 3 months of him doing nothing at the same time every day, now when i put the kettle on he automatically gets a book out of the cupboard and looks at it.

**venus89** · 08-09-2010, 05:29 PM

Phew! It's very difficult to know you're being paid to look after a child and not feel guilty about taking a ten minute break. I've been so lucky that this far all of mine have been happy to sleep after lunch so I have a chance to tidy up, catch up with the books and have some 'me' time. The one who doesn't sleep will be here 5 days a week in the hols and I haven't worked all the holidays so far so that little break will be even more important to me then!
Thank you