really had enough now

[cabby]

ive had N(3.5) and K(7) for 3 years now, the problem is K CONSTANTLY wets herself, i dont mean little dribbles there full on wee's,
this has been happening the whole time ive had them so not just a recent thing, over the last couple of years shes been to the doctors loads of times, shes had blood tests and other tests ( thats all ive been told ) but everything is fine. during holidays her and her sister are here for 3 full days a week, they got here at 9.30 today and shes already wet herself, heres where the next problem comes in....mum NEVER brings any spare clothes or underwear, she knows i have none here cos all my spare bits have gone home with them and never come back so what does she expect me to do with her ive just rang and left a message for her to go get some and bring them to me, when i ask k why shes done it she just shrugs her sholders and says " it was just an accident" and carrys on like nothing has happened, because all mum says to her is " oh dont worry sweetheart, accidents happen" the other thing is N is now doing exactly the same thing,

sorry for the moan i just dont know what to do anymore, my floors are constantly wet when their here cos i have to keep washing them ( all wood).xx

[Stillgoingstrong]

yukk poor you. So there is nothing wrong then, just lazy???? Does she do it at school, cos I'm sure they wouldn't just accept this?? If the other one is doing it too then I would speak to mum and say that if there is really no medical reason for this to happen then at 7 it is absolutely unacceptable, especially as the younger one is copying. I would say that mum needs to be firmer, and if things dont improve within the next couple of weeks then they will both have to wear nappies. No way would I have a great 7 year old piddling in my house - if there is a medical condition then it needs to be sorted, but if not then that is just toooooo disgusting I'm sure lots of people will say use rewards/star charts etc, but seriously the child is 7 and should be way beyond that. Sorry I'm actually no help, just shocked

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I would text mum and say that she is sitting in a towel and can she please bring some fresh clothes as you no longer have any dry

[Ripeberry]

If she is not doing it at school, then she is doing it on purpose I would give notice as she is basicaly disrespecting you and your home.
How on earth do you get out anywhere?

[Mouse]

I think you need to have a word with mum & say that something really needs to be done. I'd word it along the lines that it needs sorting for the children's benefit. If they wet themselves a lot, chances are they'll smell - no one wants their kid to be the smelly one in the class. Also, if they do it at school, they'll get the reputation of being the kid who always wet themselves. Again, no one wants that for their child.

Does she wet herself everytime, or does she use the toilet sometimes? If you're convinced it's because of laziness, I'd go back to a potty training schedule. Explain to her that she can't keep wetting herself (use the same reasons as above) and start making her go to the toilet every 30 minutes. It'll be a bit of a pain for you, but probably more of an inconvenience for her, especially if she's in the middle of playing.
After a while send her every hour. Do a sticker chart so that if she's dry by lunchtime, or the end of the day, she gets a sticker.

It doesn't sound as if you're going to get much support from mum, but maybe if she sees things are working for you, she might be encouraged to try harder at home. And give her a letter saying you need all the clothes back that she's got & that if she doesn't send a change of clothes, you'll have to phone her to bring some. If she still doesn't bring any, put mindee in something you've got, but take it off her when she goes home. This worked for me with one set of parents - most of my spare clothes went home, so I started sending lo home in just a nappy!

I had a lo a couple of years back who was very similar, though younger. She would wet herself regularly & just didn't seem bothered. When I asked her why she did it, she'd just say she didn't know. She wet herself whether she was at home, here or school. Mum didn't really talk to her about it as she didn't want it to "cause any issues". When her daughter was going to school & still wetting herself, I told her it WAS already causing issues!

[cabby]

she does it at school too, their as fed of with it as i am, i collect her 2 days a week and she usually comes out with 3 sets of wet clothes, mum never sends spares there either!! myself and school have spoken to mum soo many times ive lost count things change for a couple of weeks then go back to normal, school and me are trying so hard to work together we've done the reward charts, setting a timer to remind her to go to toilet, but nothing works mum doesnt see theres a problem the worst thing is she very rarely tells us shes done it you can just smell it and find wet patches around! it definetly is just lazyness, mum still puts her in pull ups for bed and i dont think she washes her in the mornings

ive decided i am going to give notice, N is going to nursery in sept ( funded place) so i wont be having her anymore anyway, so would only have k 3 mornings and 2 afterschool, so not worth the stress anymore, and the house we're moving to is fully carpeted so that wouls smell lovely

[Mollymop]

POor you. It does sound as if K is doing it on purpose because she can't be bothered to use the toilet. If there is nothing wrong medically like you have said then I would be inclined to have words with mum about it, tell her you are not happy.
I wouldn't be able to put up with it

Hope mum hurries with clothes - don't forget to ask her for spares

[Mollymop]

I don;t blame you for wanting to give notice.

I know what it is like - I used to mind a girl with serve learning difficulties (Downs) she was 8 and she used to wet herself all the time. I used to have to sit her on the toilet every hour so that she wouldn't.
I often found wet patches around it was awful, though it wasn't her fault.
It got better over time because of me making sure she used the toilet every hour. But she still had accidents now and again and it made me quite stressed out

[Shivvie]

I would say that you're right to give notice. We had the same problem with the sister of one of the young children we care for. She is 8 now, 6 and 7 when she came to us, and she used to come in the school holidays. She used to wet herself at least 3 or 4 times a day, without telling us!! It was AWFUL!

Mum said she was totally toilet trained when she went to school but blamed the school, saying that they wouldn't let her go to the toilet when she needed it. She'd had hospital checks etc but to no avail.

In the end, we got so fed up with it (it's draining when it happens so often and our furniture and carpets used to stink) that we told mum that we were only caring for under 5s from now on and that the older child couldn't come to us in the holidays.

Unfortunately, the younger girl is starting to do the same thing, and we think she is copying her sister. We're trying our best to encourage her to use the toilet as often as possible, even when she says she doesn't need it. She can be dancing around, obviously desperate to go, but will insist she doesn't need to!! I really hope she doesn't go the same way as she's been fine up until recently.

[VINASOL]

I can't believe that the mother isn't doing more to help her child. My son (also 7) has a condition whereby he poos himself. Not exactly pooing (has faecal impaction) but where he's consitpated faceces escapes. It is VERY embarrassing for him at school, and sometimes doens't know he's done it. I've involved the school, ensure that he has a change of clothes with him each day. He's under the consultant at local hospital and is on treatment. His condition also means that he wets the bed at night. The worse the condition, the more he wets. It's under control at the moment so no accidents but I do everything I can to make sure my son isn't humiliated by friends (they CAN BE SO MEAN).

I think that you should go and buy those night time pants (which go up to 15 years of age) and get the girl to wear it in your house whilst she is there. Tell the mother that is what you are doing and she will be charged for the purchase. I would also get the girl to go to the toilet on the hour, every hour. Perhaps the thought of wearing these 'nappies' like her younger sibling might help her to not to wee.

If it is not a clinical problem, it is obviously an emotional one and she really should be referred to someone else. Wetting yourself so often at seven years old is slightly worrying.

I really hope it all gets sorted out. Poor girl.

[Ripeberry]

Makes you wonder what the state of the mum's house is like
Maybe she is scared of the toilet?
Wonder if there is any cognitive therapy available to get her to use the toilet?
As you said, maybe best to give notice as it's not fair on you or your familly to have to smell the wee all the time

[Bushpig]

Seems to me the girl is seeking attention.. especially as her sister is now copying her.

I would give notice... due to the younger going to school, plus the weeing inside all the time - in YOUR home and on YOUR furniture, plus that you do not feel mum is taking it seriously enough. Accidents are one thing... continued behaviour quite another.

I would ask her to wear the adult nappies as mentioned already. I imagie the *accidents* might not happen so often then... Definitely worth a try during the notice period. This young lady needs to know you mean business... even if her mother doesn't.

Good luck

[miffy]

If you're convinced it's just laziness then I'd insist on nappies, if she can't be bothered to use the toilet why should you clean up after her, especially if she's not even telling you when she's wet herself.

It must be horrendous for you - I definitely wouldn't like this in my house

Miffy xx

[cabby]

thanks for all your replies.xx
both me and her teachers are sure its just lazyness!! its the whole whats your problem attitude, both her and her mum seem to have, when shes here i send her to the toilet every 1/2 hour, but i watched her a few times just standing in the bathroom after a couple of mins she wiil turn the tap on and flush the chain i stand and wait for her to come out, then send her back in, even though she knows shes been caught out she will stil insist shes had a wee i feel like ive tried so hard over the last 3 years and ive had no support from mum, dad tries his best and will talk to her but mum just keeps telling her it doesnt matter...BUT IT DOES!!!!!!! this is the same mum i posted about last week not sending a hat, drink packed lunch or suncream with lo for sports day

ive reached the end of my tether with her now...i feel like ive done all i can

[Shivvie]

ive reached the end of my tether with her now...i feel like ive done all i can

Then you are definitely doing the right thing x

[The Juggler]

she does it at school too, their as fed of with it as i am, i collect her 2 days a week and she usually comes out with 3 sets of wet clothes, mum never sends spares there either!! myself and school have spoken to mum soo many times ive lost count things change for a couple of weeks then go back to normal, school and me are trying so hard to work together we've done the reward charts, setting a timer to remind her to go to toilet, but nothing works mum doesnt see theres a problem the worst thing is she very rarely tells us shes done it you can just smell it and find wet patches around! it definetly is just lazyness, mum still puts her in pull ups for bed and i dont think she washes her in the mornings

ive decided i am going to give notice, N is going to nursery in sept ( funded place) so i wont be having her anymore anyway, so would only have k 3 mornings and 2 afterschool, so not worth the stress anymore, and the house we're moving to is fully carpeted so that wouls smell lovely

I think I would do the same and I would insist the child wear pull ups unless she is prepared to use the toilet. You can't have that many accidents with other children in the house or out. And I would tell mum she MUST provide several sets of clothes or you will have to ring her several times a day and all the other children are missing out on going out as you can't take her out naked.

Though sounds like there is some medical reason if she is doing it at school too.

[little chickee]

I do kind of understand the mums attitude of "it doesnt matter". She may be trying to reassure her daughter and not make her feel "different".

My son now 13 has had a night time bedwetting problem since he came out of nappies as a toddler - thankfully now seems to have grown out of it and my 7 yo is still in pull ups at night and we have never made an issue of it as it is something they simply cant control.

BUT a 7yo wetting through the day as much as she is IS an issue. The parent cant simply say it doesnt matter because as you have said it does matter.

If it cant be stopped it needs to be controlled - i totally agree with putting her into the pull ups. Even if it was a medical problem i could not have her wetting all through my house - its all about coping and managing strategies.

No pull up - no admission to my house.
If they refuse the pull ups its no spare clothes - no admission.
Before mum leaves she has to hand over a sufficient quantity of spare clothes , if she doesnt do not let the child in.

Time to get tough!

[cuffleygirl]

I have recently given notice to a 7 yo girl who did this, for other reasons too. When she wet it was 'oh well never mind', Mum's attitude similar 'it's ok accidents happen' she had a bag of spare clothes at school as she regularly wetted their too. No apparent medical reason for it, blood tests, urine, scan etc so probably similar attention seeking - Dad used to go mad at her for doing it and mad at mum for accepting it! She often used to leave her wet knickers on the radiator here and at school - yuk - obviously they were dealt with.

She went through phases of it, def attention seeking, I tried praising for achievements - how long has your younger sibling been potty trained - is she still getting praise and older one is seeking praise for what she should be doing naturally? ie. good for being dry

[LittleAcorns]

If this little girl has no medical reason then her mum really does need to adress it now, I dont mean get annoyed with her but really work on why she is doing it, my daughter is 7 and there is no reason why it should be happening, I would personally go to the gp if it were my daughter and get her to talk to a child phsycologist/specialist, may seem extreme but sometimes children just have small issues that need spotting

[marzi]

If it's just laziness insisit on pull up pants or preferably proper nappies, hopefully she'll be so mortified at the idea of wearing them she'll soon sort herself out. Accidents do happen but at the end of the day mum saying that and doing nothing about it doesn't help matters. Start charging mum for dry cleaning of towels, sofas, professional floor cleaning it won't last long then lol!