Hello..desperate for advice

**smileyfaces** · 27-05-2010, 01:31 PM

Has any other minder on here had/have a clingy child??.. When i say clingy i mean really clingy, cant put down, screams blue murder if another child comes near me, very anxious around other adults and just cries all the time. This child is 16mths old and has been with me since september 09. Its now end of may and there has been no improvement. Ive had the odd good day with her but generally she cries most of the time. If i give her one on one she's fine but i have a 10mth old and a 2year too so i cant do one on one that often. Im at my wits end really and close to tears today. Mum says she is like it at home, and her dad cannot do much for her. A real mummys girl. My instincts are telling me she is just not suited to a chlidminding inviroment and maybe better off in a nursery where there are more adults who could offer one on one. I dont know. I dont want to give up but i feel ive done all i can over the last 9 months to help her settle and make her feel part of the family.
Any advice gratefully recieved

**sarah707** · 27-05-2010, 05:05 PM

I've just popped your post into the minding chat area of the forum where it will get more replies.

Welcome

**Ripeberry** · 27-05-2010, 05:30 PM

Have any new minders started up near you? Maybe they could give the one-to-one care that she needs until she matures? A nursery enviroment won't suit her as it will be much noisier and lots of different people, but then maybe throwing her in the deep end will stop her clinging or make it worse

**sandy64** · 27-05-2010, 05:40 PM

hi it must be so hard for you i have a c.m friend who has a lo shes had her since 4mths and is about 14mths now she was so bad cryed all the time unless sat on her knee which as you no isnt always possible, but she is much better now does still crys but no where nr as much, when she did cry it was for attention there was nothing wrong also mum was happy as she new her own lo was like it at home, i dont think a nursery would be any good as she still wouldnt get one to one, plus it will be noisy and lots more lo. if she went to a c.m with just 1 she may settle but what happens when they take on another, i think if you could cope she will calm soon she needs to no your there but to share i really hope you work it out but no one would blame you for finishing as you have to think of yourself and other lo

**theplayroom** · 27-05-2010, 05:54 PM

Hi i have had a really similer thing recently little 20 month boy crys all the time wont play with anything wont paint etc just follows me aout crying, mum sent him to me as she is fed up with it (her words) in the end i couldnt stand it and it wasnt fair on the others in my house so in the end i gave notice adn advised her that a nursery environmernt would be better for him - not sure what shes doing but i couldnt take it!

but i do feel ive let him down a bit - Good luck x

**Playmate** · 27-05-2010, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Ripeberry

Have any new minders started up near you? Maybe they could give the one-to-one care that she needs until she matures? A nursery enviroment won't suit her as it will be much noisier and lots of different people, but then maybe throwing her in the deep end will stop her clinging or make it worse

We have just done this for a little girl we have had since January, but she just wasn't happy with us. She only wanted me, couldn't stand the other children around and absolutely refused to sit on the floor (9mths old).
We found a new minder who's children were at school and she can offer one on one. She has been with her a week and settled brilliantly

Although it doesnt make me feel to good, at least she is now happy and I have my sanity back

Pipsqueak · 27-05-2010, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Sally McGeown

We have just done this for a little girl we have had since January, but she just wasn't happy with us. She only wanted me, couldn't stand the other children around and absolutely refused to sit on the floor (9mths old).
We found a new minder who's children were at school and she can offer one on one. She has been with her a week and settled brilliantly

Although it doesnt make me feel to good, at least she is now happy and I have my sanity back

But it should make you feel good Sally - you were professional enough to recognise and act upon the childs best interests and you sourced and aided parents to find alternative care. You should be really proud of yourself for putting this childs needs first.

Well done to you, I see that as a success and not a failure on your part.

**miffy** · 27-05-2010, 06:47 PM

I don't think a nursery would be the answer - think that would be worse for her.

The idea of a new childminder where she could have one to one care might work but it bothers me that mum says she is like this at home. If she is then even one to one might not work.

It's a hard decision to make but sometimes you have to let go. Good luck whatever you decide

Miffy xx

**Playmate** · 27-05-2010, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by Pipsqueak

But it should make you feel good Sally - you were professional enough to recognise and act upon the childs best interests and you sourced and aided parents to find alternative care. You should be really proud of yourself for putting this childs needs first.

Well done to you, I see that as a success and not a failure on your part.

I do really pip, I have 13 other children who are happy and many who have gone before. It hurts more because I knew mum before she had the baby (not really a friend) so it would have been nice for it to have worked out.