This won't be of any use to you what so ever but it may be consolation that you are not alone.
I have one who came to me at 6mths and I mentioned mum before she is not the most relaxed person in the world - she is the one who ran into my kitchen and went rooting for something one night while I was loading other children into my car.
She (mum) also told me that she isn't one for giving cuddles but she does pick her up.
Anyway, the child is very very highly strung all she does for most of her waking hours is cry cry cry CRY & CRY BL***Y CRY again. I say most of her waking hours because if we go out and she has other things going on she is generally fine - even when she has a soiled nappy. But when at home (my home or any other home I may take her to) the machine gun noises start. All she wants is to be picked up - she is now 1 and is a bum shuffler not been doing it that long I thought once she could move about she'd be fine - but no I was wrong she just cries as she shuffles in my direction and then grabs hold of my trouser legs or my legs if I'm wearing a skirt and pulls at them while making this horrible horrible noise. I have bought her both a walker with activities on and a Leapfrog activity thingy but these both only work for a limited period of time. When she was smaller I used to put her in one of those baby swings and in a door bouncer.
She even cries throughout her meal - well actually she stops when I first start feeding her but then half way through when she isn't so hungry she starts spitting out her food and blowing raspberries - and it isn't cause she is full - she is just too lazy to be bothered with it and prefers her pudding, so now she spits it out & I/mum/the 2 nana's who care for her on Mon & Fri all put it back in again and she chews and/or swallows it and so it goes on - she is the same with finger food she will eat it for so long then get fed up but will then continue to eat it if you feed it to her again until she gets lazy about the chewing action
At the same time as doing this she makes that horrible crying noise and if you say "NO" or "Stop" to her no matter how nice your tone she screams until she almost makes herself sick. She does what every baby does and throws her cup on the floor but then screams till you get it and give it back but when you bend down to get it she pulls food out of her mouth and flings it all over the place. She does love her pudding though and wolfes it down - except when mum used to provide me with hard lumpy stewed apple and custard.
As soon as she does a poo at home she screams until you change her - doesn't when she is out.
The only time she is quiet is when I put her in a big old fashioned silver cross pram for her sleep and she sleeps there for hours but it has to be outside whatever the weather.
I don't understand why she behaves differently when we are out and about because there are always loads of people here and there is always something going on and she gets loads of attention from my 2 and the older mindees - well at least she did but not now they are even getting sick of it
I've had children go through separation anxiety or clingy phases when they reach certain ages but this takes the biscuit. I've tried everything. She is even like this at other peoples/minders houses. She only behaves like other children when we are in large group situations and as I go to the same places with the same local minders on the same 3 days per week that she comes she mixes with the same children all the time. she doesn't acknowledge the other children either she does look up at all adults who are near her in the hope they will acknowledge her presence and when we are at Jojuingles and Rhyme time she shuffles herself so she is right in front of the person leading the session.
Even when out she rarely smiles at people and she wont let you guide her to help her do actions to songs such as clapping hands or putting hands on head etc. she just tenses up and pulls away from you - she really is a funny little thing - its not just with me other minders find the same with her.
I feel terrible but I just can't seem to bond with her - on the odd occasion I can get her to smile and when she does its lovely but really - I sort of mechanically care for her and it doesn't feel right - I hate constantly trying to dump her in the activity thingy and sneak off to make snack and hope she will be distracted enough by the other children to no realise I've gone - I've tried everything but nothing works - I just cannot carry her all day long -when I do take time out to sit with her on my knee she just sits there upright and rigid - she never snuggles in or anything - I've never had this with a child before its really strange. - She and my F.T. LO are both fast asleep now so I've had time to write this.
Mum keeps contradicting herself one minute she doesn't know how I cope with her all day and the next she says "oh she doesn't do that at home - I wouldn't let her ...." BULL.
Grandad came one day to collect her and he said "I'd like to thank you for all you do with K..... - you do a great job - we all really appreciate it - we just don't know how you cope with her - you must have great patience" - now why do you think he said that eh??? This was mum's dad who is divorced from mums mum and his second wife who never had children cares for her on a Monday - Mums mum cares for K.... on a Friday and I do Tues, Wed & Thurs. Mum & Dad (Mostly mum) do evenings & weekends - she is collected at 5.45 and is in bed by 7.00 just after dad gets in from work. - this could have something to do with it. She wasn't a planned baby either - neither mum nor dad wanted children and she will be an only child - so mum says and she seem to rule that roost.
I wish you all the best and hope you turn a corner in a way I haven't yet - my next hope for respite is that she will stop once she can walk - then I'll probably be hoping for when she can talk and can express herself.
Listen you have had some very sound advice from others and I have used a few of the techniques mentioned with other chilren and they worked so keep the faith and don't despair there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
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