What to do when you lose a child?

[funemnx]

I lost a 3 year old child in school when I was collecting a school age child. He was found by a parent 5 mins later outside the school gates. In 10 years of childminding this has never happened before. To be fair the mum understood, but other parents and childcare professionals have had plenty to say. I have phone Ofsted and made a statement, the minded childrens parents have all been informed and changes have been made to my risk assessments. I'm having serious flashbacks about what could have happened. How do I get over this? Has anyone else lost a child or is it just me?

[Jelly Baby]

Luckily i haven't hun but don't beat yourself up about it..mistakes happen. The amount of children who run up the path at dd's school amazes me and parents aren't always looking..you can't always have eyes in the back of your head.

Least you rung Ofsted child is fine at the end of the day..we can always say 'what if'..try not to worry xx

[Bitsy Beans]

Not had this happen (not yet anyway) but I can imagine how distrught you must be feeling. Can see how it happens, especially at kicking out time with so many people being about.
Not sure how you can get over it other than to take on board what went wrong, implement your changes to your RA's and take it from there.

[miss mopple]

Youve done exactly the right thing. Youve re done your risk assessment and informed all those necessary.

This happened to me once. It was only for a minute but was enough to make me question and self reflect.

When my inspection came I mentioned it in my sef and the inspector was really impressed I hadnt just brushed it under the carpet and had re risk assessed.

No harm was done luckily. These things happen sometimes so try not to worry too much

[funemnx]

Thank you so much for our replies, I KNOW it won't happen again , but very diffucult in any case!!!

[jelly15]

Sending you hugs. I happens outside of schools everyday to someone or other so don't beat yourself up.

[charliegee]

just wanted to send you a hug. What a nightmare for you hun x

[Jules27]

Good advice given, try not to beat yourself up about it, easier said than done. A childminder friend of mine lost a mindee this morning at school (we drop at same school) we both went into panic mode - I found him in the playhouse that SHOULD be locked up in the mornings grrrrrr!!! Ok he didn't get out the gate but those few minutes were awful. ((((hugs)))) xxx

[The Juggler]

oh hon it's awful isn't it. I've taken/sent so many children back inside the gates as they are just there wandering out and the parents haven't a clue where they are so how dare they judge you when you don't let children wander like this. These things happened. Have even found 2 different mindees of mine on days they are with parents, lost in nursery when they should be with parents at the infants and out on the street.

We lost my son (9) and a mindee who was on sleepover (not work) on morning at the park. Well my dh did. He didn't lose them as such they ran from him across a field to the woods, he shouted for them to stop and wait but they didn't and he couldn't catch them up as he had to scoop up my dd before he started running after them. He wasn't far behind but they got in the woods first and he couldn't see them. Then they couldn't find their way out. They were lost for an hour! we were all in tears, we had the police and everything. .

Scary thing was they asked at least 10 people how to get back to the park and any one of them could have.......... but doesn't bear thinking about....

when we walk home/to school they don't even go around a corner without me - they know the rules But, there is no way it happened because he wasn't watching, they just lost their brains that day

so, it happens, 3 year olds run off but it makes your heart do somersaults for ages after, it'll pass hon honest and on the professional side you've done all you need to.

[funemnx]

Gosh, I'm really touched by everyones replies! Many thanks Juggler for sharing, it really does help to know that I've done the right thing and not the only one - Childminding is the best job in the world (most of the time!) xx

[WibbleWobble]

oh bless you!

i know that sick feeling so well

When DD#1 was little (2ish) i lived in an "upside down house" living rooms upstairs and bedrooms downstairs
She sneaked downstairs and out the unlocked front door (first time it was unlocked)

I noticed she had gone and ran through the house...i went out the front door across the courtyard and onto a busy main road..no sign
I dont know hwy but i started running towards the village ...what felt like hours later i found her right in the centre of the village surrounded by strangers giving them a little song and dance show. (village was 100 metres away from our house)

i picked her up...and did what i never did before...or since...i smacked her!

I was only 20...

she is now 23 and loves to tell people about the time she ran off and i belted her!

just typing this has made those awful feelings come back!

shudder...

[mamasheshe]

i "lost" my dd1 when she was 2 and a half we where in upstairs in debenhams i was bf dd2 and dd1 said she needed the toilet so i asked her to wait a minute but she ran off so scary she was lost for about 5min sooooooooooo scary i was a mess by the time someone found her and she was happily carried back to me by a stranger

[mrs.h]

Hiya,

my ds (3) decided to walk back to school the other day while we were playing outside the school gates in the park. he keeps doing it and i have got a wristband with me now at all times. i don't want to think how i would feel if i would loose a mindee but at the end of the day things like this happen and we are only human. once a week a have 2 lively year 1 children and my 3 year old plus two eight year olds and to be honest i dread those moments at school when all the people run around. i constantly call them to make sure they are close to me .

Take care,

mrs.h

[auntym]

When you say "other parents and childcare proffesionals have had plenty to say", does this mean they have been unfairly critical in their comments about it?
I would hope that being a parent or a childcarer any one of them should have done nothing but offer support and tried to help you feel better!!! I know i would.
I havnt lost a child, but can certainly understand how you felt, its bad enough it happening, but good for you for reviewing the policies and being open and honest about it.
I do know parents this has happened to also hon, as everyone says, dont dwell on it chick, i think uv punished yourself more than enough
Its nearly friday get that wine on cool
xxxx

[janedoe]

Oh no, how awful! u must have been so worried. Don't worry about it though these things happen, u did the right thing by phoning ofsted, keep yourself right. x

[Probey9]

I really feel for you, don't beat yourself up about it, you've done the right thing. Hope you feel better about it soon.

[Blaze]

2/3 days after we moved in to the house we live in now, my DS (3 at the time) opened the bolt on the front door (it's half way up the door) whilst I was in the (downstairs) loo - I was heavily pregnant at the time - I wasn't even in there a minute & what really erks me is when I went in he was engrossed watching Fireman Sam! Luckily my neighbour was in her front garden & grabbed him!...Didn't stop the CM that lives opposite me reporting me though (I wasn't even working as I was on maternity & had just moved - so to her)! DH was called home from work to fit a new lock right at the top of the door - that I can only just reach!

Moral of the story is these things happen - you have been open, honest, & reviewed - there is nothing more you can do now, so stop worrying. x

[little chickee]

i've not lost a mindee but have "lost" 2 of my own boys! One at Edinburgh zoo - he was out of my sight hidden behind a couple of people at the penguins for about 3-4 minutes - long enough for me to panic.

When my youngest was 4 ( 2 years ago) i lost him at the swimming pool just after my eldest 2 had finished their lessons and were getting changed. I took my eyes of him for about 20 seconds and he was gone.

He was missing (hiding!!) for nearly 30 minutes - all the staff were looking for him, they took all the kids out of the pool and searched the pool, I was frantic and in tears and then out he popped from his hiding place.

A group of people had gathered to wait to see if he was found and when he appeared i hugged him in hysterics and they all started clapping!!

i learned a hard lesson and now never trust a child not to disappear. You have done all the right things - learn from it and be extra strict.

as for those people who have vocally disapproved dont worry - its so easy to say all sorts if you are lucky enough to have never been in that position but these things can happen to anyone.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I lost my own DS when he was 2 and it was just after James Bulger was killed. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. The whole centre was closed down with a security guard posted at every door whilst my little one was looking at all the gadgets in Kitchen Reject Shop.

I have never felt so scared or sick in all my life.

Everyone makes mistakes and we live and learn.

[caz3007]

Our 2 year old DD, she is 21 now wandered off in the Butlins ballroom. One minute she was there, next she was gone. Much to our disgust the redcoats wouldnt help us look. After a very long 20 minutes we found her in a redcoats arms behind a huge pillar and out of sight. We were gobsmacked that the redcoat had been hiding with her and the obvious place to stand is where someone would come and claim the child.