Dilemma - advice needed please

**francinejayne** · 05-03-2010, 08:46 PM

Hello! Apologies for maybe confusing you, bu hopefully you will follow this and offer some advice.......

A mum came to see me this morn for care for her 9 month old in August for 3 days a week, and before and after school for her 4 year old from Sept for 3 days a week. The mum works shifts so for two weeks she would pay £113.25 each week for both children's care (7.45am til 4pm), and another week it would be £92.25 per week (11am til 5.30pm with no school drop off, pick up only).
She's gone away to discuss with her husband and will hopefully get back to me (though my dog may be a problem for her anyway!?)

And now I've just had an email from a second mum who I already know, who needs care for her 9 month old baby from June, 4 days a week, set hours (8.30 til 4.15) which would be worth £112 per week. So which parent would you choose based on days, hours and money?

But this is where it gets even more complicated.......

The second mum has actually already signed a contract with a CM in the next town but says she would prefer to use me as I live round the corner and she knows me. I know the CM she has signed the contract with, she befriended me a few months ago and invited me along to the monthly CM drop in (I'm newly registered) and she has been so nice to me. The CM told me at the last drop in that she had signed this contract and she was really pleased about it. She then told me that she is going to terminate the contract of an existing mindee of hers as this new one is more lucrative, and she offered me the existing mindee! So now I have a moral dilemma!!!

Hope that this makes sense! Help!!!

What woul you do?

**little daisies** · 05-03-2010, 08:50 PM

i would take the second one on and tell the childminder what this woman is up to, if she will do that to her then she could do it to you to.

**Trouble** · 05-03-2010, 08:53 PM

no 2 she sounds nice and no problem with the dog

**francinejayne** · 05-03-2010, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by little daisies

i would take the second one on and tell the childminder what this woman is up to, if she will do that to her then she could do it to you to.

it is the second childminder who has already got the CM. so do you mean take on the first one who may still have a problem with my dog?

Lady Haha · 05-03-2010, 09:08 PM

I know it's hard, but I just couldnt bring myself to do that to some one who had befriended me and helped me!! But I'm a softie! And she has 'offered' you existing mindee, so if that works out and you get the first one too, you will be fine and not have lost a friend or got yourself a bad name at the drop in right from the start!

Also, if mum has signed a contract already, and yet she seems to think its fine to suddenly change her mind, she obviously has no regard for contracts, which is definitely not a good starting point! Did she pay a deposit? What if she starts with you, you lose a friend, the drop in group shun you and then she decides that the cm 5 mins in the other direction would be better!

I just think it's too much hassle all round!

**sillysausage** · 05-03-2010, 09:23 PM

Be honest?....I would tell the second mum that she has put you in a dilemma. That you would like to take her on but you realise now that the childminder that she has signed a contract with is a friend who has been very helpful to you and you don't want to do the dirty on her. See if she will do the ground work for you....ie telling your friend that she has been lucky enough to find someone nearer to home and sorry to mess her around etc etc. That way when you tell your friend that you've got a new mindee you may be able to act all innocent as if you didn't know (though that also sounds like you're doing the dirty as I'm saying be honest to the parent but not quite as honest with your childminding friend....oh poo!)
mmmmm contract doesn't start until June so maybe time will be a healer? nearer to the date you could say that you'd just found out the parent had signed to this other childminder previous to you?.....not ideal but??????

ps I've had a few drinks, maybe that is why I'm waffling.

**francinejayne** · 05-03-2010, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by sillysausage

Be honest?....I would tell the second mum that she has put you in a dilemma. That you would like to take her on but you realise now that the childminder that she has signed a contract with is a friend who has been very helpful to you and you don't want to do the dirty on her. See if she will do the ground work for you....ie telling your friend that she has been lucky enough to find someone nearer to home and sorry to mess her around etc etc. That way when you tell your friend that you've got a new mindee you may be able to act all innocent as if you didn't know (though that also sounds like you're doing the dirty as I'm saying be honest to the parent but not quite as honest with your childminding friend....oh poo!)
mmmmm contract doesn't start until June so maybe time will be a healer? nearer to the date you could say that you'd just found out the parent had signed to this other childminder previous to you?.....not ideal but??????

ps I've had a few drinks, maybe that is why I'm waffling.

Thanks! Techinically I don't officially know that the mum has signed with the CM I know, neither of them has told me who they've signed, a friend of a friend told me the mum had signed with the CM the other week!

I've emailed mum1 telling her my prices and I've told her there's someone else interested in me so can she let me know asap. If she's interested I'll go with her, if not then I'll have to think about going with mum2. Oooh dear!!!

**Tired** · 06-03-2010, 07:37 AM

if i have read this right the first one would average £102 a week for 3 days. the second would be £112 a week for 4 days, plus the moral dilema.

for £10 a week,one less day and peace of mind that you have not upset a friend, i would dfinately go with the first one.

**Tinglesnark** · 06-03-2010, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by Tired

if i have read this right the first one would average £102 a week for 3 days. the second would be £112 a week for 4 days, plus the moral dilema.

for £10 a week,one less day and peace of mind that you have not upset a friend, i would dfinately go with the first one.

i agree, its hard work finding yourself a niche at these groups - dont go and get yourself into trouble before you even sign your first contract

**Daftbat** · 06-03-2010, 09:17 AM

I would keep the offer open for the first lady and only go with the second if things fall through.

**mushpea** · 06-03-2010, 09:37 AM

At the end of the day its the parents choice who she uses and theres nothing that you or the other minder can do about it to change her mind, if you said no to her and she went with the other minder whose to say that in a months time when shes still not happy with her choice that she leaves that cm anyway.
I was on the other end of this a couple of years ago, i had a child who came to me for a year, all was going well no signs of problems then the parent handed me her notice saying she had found another cm for her daughter, the parent said my house was to hetic and the parent couldnt cope with all the noise apon pick up, i made a point of speaking to the other cm because although we only said hi in passing i didnt want things to be awkard between us and for her to feel bad in anyway as if she didnt go to that cm she would have gone to another, as a result we are now friends. so it dosent have to turn out badly if you take on the 9 month old

**sandy64** · 06-03-2010, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by Tired

if i have read this right the first one would average £102 a week for 3 days. the second would be £112 a week for 4 days, plus the moral dilema.

for £10 a week,one less day and peace of mind that you have not upset a friend, i would dfinately go with the first one.

hi i agree with the above and also she has signed a legal binding contract with your friend shes been good to you offered you another lo. maybe have a good chat with friend to get facts straight, that way youl no where you stand good luck, has mum no1 got back to you doesnt she like dogs?

**Jelly Baby** · 06-03-2010, 05:47 PM

Hi my first thought was number 2 but thinking on it's now number 1!! if this mum can muck your CM friend about she may do it to you?..
My friend did this by undercutting me..tbh the child was extremely miserable and grumpy all the time so kind of think i was better off without!!

Good luck x

**francinejayne** · 06-03-2010, 07:40 PM

Well, I emailed mum1 last night with the fees and I told her hat someone else was iterested so could she let me know either way. She rang me today to say they want the place and she's bringing hubbie round on Tues to meet me. After she met our dog she realised that she's no problem as she's a massive softie.
I will ring mum2 tomorrow and tell her the situation. I still have 2 days free if she wants those, but I have a feeling she'll stick with her original CM for the 4 days she needs.
It's a huge weight off my mind - I've been awake since 3am worrying about it - there's just no way I could spoil a lovely new CM relationship before it's started - me thinks it may be nice to stay in with the CM community?!?!

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful advice!

Wine time now!!!