Collection time and being cheeky!

[vix84]

Hiya,
is it only my mindee's that kick off on collection time? I know children play up for the parents more than anyone else, as my ds is exactly the same!
But I wonder how you would handle this?

I have ds 19 months, mindee 19 months and mindee 2 years.
Mindee's are very well behaved with me, just takes a simple no once or twice to stop anything cheeky, but when the parents collect the 2 year old mindee goes running up to the others saying 'push push' and pushes them over, or goes and snatches their toys or hits my furniture with a wooden brick etc. - doing all the things he knows he musnt do.
The parents are quite soft on him, just say 'that wasnt nice' or ignore him banging on my sideboard etc. Mindee went up to the other one the other day and snatched his book, I decided to let dad handel it but he just said 'Are we supposed to be sharing' so I said 'Ah, poor ......... look at his face' and so the dad just stroked his head and said 'never mind, have this one' while his son carried on reading the book!

The dad has mentioned before, after mindee went round pushing over the others that he gets all excited etc. and seemed a bit concerned. I said he never does it in the day, its just a collection thing, and they all have their moments' but Im reluctant to say 'you should discipline him'!

I have before, when the parent was waiting for her car to be looked at, and I knew they would be here for 20 mins, told the child to stop turning my tv on and off, not to push and got a bit firm with him, then the mum stepped in and also said no firmly. Maybe I just need to step in and stop him before he runs up to the others, but sometimes he goes to cuddle them ...... I also dont want the parents to go home thinking that Im being too strict as they obviously are very laid back and seem to think its age appropriate.

I have tried sitting them down doing quiet books at collection times but the minute the doorbell goes they all get excited and start screaming and then the eldest starts the pushing etc.

Maybe I should sit them at the table doing an activity, but then the parents have a battle getting them down from the table!!

[madredann]

I had a similar problem and used to have them ready by the door-you have to push them out (not physically lol) and once they are through the door parents hopefully take over it seems unfriendly but it might work. Or perhaps try a reward chart they are young my mindees that I had probs with were a bit older.

[aly]

my 2 afterschoolies are the same...siblings 7 & 10....they think because their mum/dad are there theydont need to tidy up.

I dont know how many times I told them to tidy up they were 'ignoring' me and listening to their mum...but mum is on my side and knows they play up.....

this happens aswell at pick upfrom school...the younger one will get called by his teacher and then when he notices me he hides behind another child so teacher wont see him....it really bugs me!!

[vix84]

Atleast were not alone then! I think I need to just be firm and stay consistent with the boundaries, even if they dont listen. The screaming and getting excited I can cope with, its when the toy boxes weve just tidied get thrown everywhere and the parents dont ask them to pick it up, or the pushing.

Will start as I mean to go on and really supervise tonight but try to also distract so the parents don't just hear me saying no as soon as they get in the door!

[carol cameron]

I find that a firm reminder that" we don't behave like that in Carol's house" helps the children and their parents remember what is acceptable- most of the time anyway. I find that some children undergo a complete personality change at pick up time but " my house my rules "!

[vix84]

I find that a firm reminder that" we don't behave like that in Carol's house" helps the children and their parents remember what is acceptable- most of the time anyway. I find that some children undergo a complete personality change at pick up time but " my house my rules "!

Good idea, am also thinking of putting up a house rule list, but dont want the parents to feel embarrassed or like Im singling them out if you see what I mean!

[Twinkles]

It is a well known to be a very difficult time. Parents aren't sure if they should be in charge , minders aren't sure if they should tell off in front of parents and the children take full advantage of the situation.

If you see them being 'naughty' or silly and don't say anything it makes the parents think that maybe that's ok behaviour and that they shouldn't say anything either.

A gentle reminder of the rules usually prompts back up from parents too.

So if a child takes a toy from another just say 'Oh you know we don't do that ' and make them return it. You will find parents will usually then back up what you say.

[vix84]

It is a well known to be a very difficult time. Parents aren't sure if they should be in charge , minders aren't sure if they should tell off in front of parents and the children take full advantage of the situation.

If you see them being 'naughty' or silly and don't say anything it makes the parents think that maybe that's ok behaviour and that they shouldn't say anything either.

A gentle reminder of the rules usually prompts back up from parents too.

So if a child takes a toy from another just say 'Oh you know we don't do that ' and make them return it. You will find parents will usually then back up what you say.

Good point ............ will try that one tonight!

[georgie456]

Yep I've been there too!!!!

I have a strict rule in my setting that while children are in my home, I handle the discipline whether parents are there or not. I advise parents of this when they start so there is no confusion, and it has always worked very well.
The first couple of times can feel a bit awkward when you are disciplining a child in from of mum or dad, but you find that 99% of the time, they will actually back you up rather than get offended.
I've even brought a child back in from the driveway to sit in time out after he bit his mum when they were leaving!

I had one mindee whose behaviour was appalling when parents arrived and thanks to him I now have a completely new drop off and collection policy.
I now take the children to the door and parent's do not come in anymore.
I have a stairgate across my hall so the other children cannot get out and the one leaving cannot get back in, as the trend seemed to be that they wanted to cause as much damage to each other as soon as a parent arrived!!

At first it seemed a shame that I no longer let parents in, but in the long run, it really was the best thing for my setting and works well. We still have a quick chat but it's all over much quicker and alot less painfully these days
And the parents actually seem to prefer it to which helps.

[vix84]

Yep I've been there too!!!!

I have a strict rule in my setting that while children are in my home, I handle the discipline whether parents are there or not. I advise parents of this when they start so there is no confusion, and it has always worked very well.
The first couple of times can feel a bit awkward when you are disciplining a child in from of mum or dad, but you find that 99% of the time, they will actually back you up rather than get offended.
I've even brought a child back in from the driveway to sit in time out after he bit his mum when they were leaving!

I had one mindee whose behaviour was appalling when parents arrived and thanks to him I now have a completely new drop off and collection policy.
I now take the children to the door and parent's do not come in anymore.
I have a stairgate across my hall so the other children cannot get out and the one leaving cannot get back in, as the trend seemed to be that they wanted to cause as much damage to each other as soon as a parent arrived!!

At first it seemed a shame that I no longer let parents in, but in the long run, it really was the best thing for my setting and works well. We still have a quick chat but it's all over much quicker and alot less painfully these days
And the parents actually seem to prefer it to which helps.

I wish I could do that for collections, mindee's mum arrived early at 510 the other day but didnt leave till 550!!!

[carol cameron]

I don't have a list of rules as such but as Twinkles says a simple"oh we don't do that" can work wonders. I also find that parents prefer you to let them know how best to handle the situation and that can include having the child ready for collection with their coat on, bag ready etc. Like Georgie you have to do what works for your situation.Good luck! Cx

[sandy64]

hi think lots of lo behave this way or cry as soon as they see there parents its hard i had one once who every night was horrible soon as mum came after a while i said to mum i think it would be easier for all if i had his shoes and coat on and brought to the door for when you arrive, i think she was relieved it worked well may be it could help you?

[georgie456]

I wish I could do that for collections, mindee's mum arrived early at 510 the other day but didnt leave till 550!!!

I had this!!!! It was only after posting the exact same problem on here that i sorted it. I used my daughter starting school as a good excuse and said in my newsletter that she needed as little disruption and time with me as possible and would all parents kindly keep pick-up's short and at the door!!!

Now I'm a battleaxe!!!! It gave me the backbone I needed!!!!!

[vix84]

Tonight the mum collected, and he went racing up to the others but cuddled them, so I praised him for that, then a minute later he went up and pushed the other one, so I said '....... no, we dont push' quite firmly, the mum didnt say anything. He then went up and started drinking another ones drink knowing we dont share drinks so I just took it off him and put it on the side saying to my son, no, Ill get you a new one as you all have snotty noses and we dont want to help you pass it around.

Anyway, they are very quick collectors, I have him practically ready, bag packed, all they need to do is get coat on which doesnt take them long, but its not like I can carry him and hand him over as he wants to get down. Parents also come in the back way, into the playroom as I find the children come in better etc. I think its also nice for the parents to come in at the end of the day incase they need to discuss anything and I dont want them to feel pushed out etc.

Thankfully, the mindee who I am friends with the mum, is leaving this month, so the next ones I take on will be asked to collect asap as the others play up, unless they need to discuss something etc.

I think I will stick to monitoring mindee and saying 'we dont push' etc. and hope it dies down, tonight was really good. And I think once I start reinforcing it, the parents will too, or they will just know thats how I work

[miffy]

I think you have to take charge, it's no good waiting for parents - it's your house and your rules and the mindees are only trying it on to see if what you say in the day still applies when mum or dad show up.

Miffy xx