OMG! Feel so down....can't do this anymore

**helendee** · 22-01-2010, 03:09 PM

I posted on here last week about how much I was struggling with EYFS and had some lovely replies and advice which really boosted me .... BUT today I have just had an unannounced visit from Ofsted, someone has made a complaint against me!!

A woman came to see me on Monday about a vacancy for her son and she seemed fine until she took her little one upstairs to use the toilet. When she came back down she put her coat on, said goodbye and left. I got the impression she wasn't happy about something but didn't dwell on it. Imagine my horror when Ofsted lady said that this woman was complaining about my house, my documentation and said that I wasn't interacting properly with the little one that I was caring for.

My house is small but as clean as anyone else's, my documentation is completely up to date and I had the baby on my lap the whole time that she was here and was loving towards him as I always am. I was also very friendly to her and her little boy and got down on the floor and played with him.

I really feel like utter c**p now and feel like chucking it all in.... what is the point when there are so many horrible people around?

**zillervalley** · 22-01-2010, 03:14 PM

ahh thats an awefull thing to happen, what was the out come

**Carol M** · 22-01-2010, 03:17 PM

Oh you poor thing. Why do people do this!!!!!
Ofsted will see through it don't worry. Keep your head up and don't give up. Times are hard for alot of us and parents can be challenging to say the least!!
Much love to you
Carol xx

**sue m** · 22-01-2010, 03:18 PM

OMG, what a cow! Try not to let it get to you this much Helen, we know you're upset but the woman is plainly mad and it's all very odd. Don't give up after this, it's a one off and not worth it. It seems really strange how she was and that she's complained. There are some horrible people around but they are in the minority. Let us know what happens? What did the woman from Ofsted say? xxx

**Blaze** · 22-01-2010, 03:23 PM

One set of parents told me that they had reported a CM they had gone to visit before signing with me - now I know the CM in question & she's nice enough - but I've never been to her house, so can't comment as to whether the complain was founded the Mum just said she was appalled...anyway I gave notice to them after 6 months due to my pregnancy...guess who the children ended up with!

**helendee** · 22-01-2010, 03:27 PM

Hi Sue and thanks everyone, don't need this right now as I am just recovering from tonsillitis.

Ofsted lady was surprisingly nice and said I am meeting all national standards and there is no further action to be taken.

I am so upset that someone thought that I was so horrible that she had to report me. I am always nice to everyone and I know that my house is a little scruffy as we don't have much money but it is always clean and safe. It doesn't help that I live in a affluent area with plenty of lovely big house with separate playrooms while my house is a 1920's terrace with only one toilet, lol.

**helenlc** · 22-01-2010, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by helendee

It doesn't help that I live in a affluent area with plenty of lovely big house with separate playrooms while my house is a 1920's terrace with only one toilet, lol.

But it shouldnt come down to that - you were loving and interacting with the LO. This mum has obviously got issues if she feels the need to complain about things that are not even there!!

I live in an area with an awful reputation. When I have had people make appointments and then not turn up, I do wonder whether they have in fact driven past and judged me on my area and not on me, inside my house and what I can offer.

Dont let this put you off - you got the green light from Ofsted so you know you are doing nothing wrong.

Have a nice chilled weekend!

**PixiePetal** · 22-01-2010, 03:36 PM

So Ofsted are happy with you and that you are keeping all the standards. Well done and

to the parent!

Hold your head up high, she was obviously not the parent for you - no respect and better off without her.

I have looked after some children of very well to do families and they loved my cosy, small ex council terraced house!

I have now moved to large detached farmhouse (DH old family home, not ours outright

) I am the same person with the same values as I was before.

It's not the house that makes a good CM, although the space is very handy!!

**helendee** · 22-01-2010, 03:42 PM

Thanks Helen and Pixie.

We live in a rented house in nice area but downside is that there are an awful lot of bitchy women, married to men who earn a fortune and they judge everyone by appearance.... ladies who lunch and shop in Habitat, lol.
They think that everyone lives in a mansion with four bathrooms and playrooms!!!

**PixiePetal** · 22-01-2010, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by helendee

Thanks Helen and Pixie.

We live in a rented house in nice area but downside is that there are an awful lot of bitchy women, married to men who earn a fortune and they judge everyone by appearance.... ladies who lunch and shop in Habitat, lol.
They think that everyone lives in a mansion with four bathrooms and playrooms!!!

I only have 3 loos and one of those is outdoor!!

**Mouse** · 22-01-2010, 03:46 PM

Do you know it was definitely that mum who made the complaint? It seems such a strange thing to do. I'd have thought if most parents don't like your setting they'd just leave & not come back?

It must have been a horrible experience for you. Try to have a peaceful weekend & not dwell on it. If Ofsted are happy with you then you must be doing things properly. Hold your head up high & be proud of what you're doing.

**helendee** · 22-01-2010, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

Do you know it was definitely that mum who made the complaint? It seems such a strange thing to do. I'd have thought if most parents don't like your setting they'd just leave & not come back?

It must have been a horrible experience for you. Try to have a peaceful weekend & not dwell on it. If Ofsted are happy with you then you must be doing things properly. Hold your head up high & be proud of what you're doing.

99% sure it was her because she changed completely after coming back downstairs, I have a suspicion that she nosed into our bedroom which I admit is a mess!1 I am certain that I had shut the door but it was ajar when I went upstairs!!!

**wendywu** · 22-01-2010, 04:13 PM

Strange woman, lucky you did not end up with her.

Still Ofsted are happy and that is all that counts, well done

**solly** · 22-01-2010, 04:22 PM

I had this happen to me in October but i dont know who the complaint was from I was accused of being heavy handed and aggressive with a child and my husband was accused of hitting a child with a bat under the influence of alcohol
Ofsted came and again found nothing.

I sometimes feel ashamed of my home it is small and in need of updating but i am never short of work and parents say it is homely. I have a couple of well off families with big immaculate houses but they are happy with me and as long as i offer a caring safe enviroment then they are happy.

I would try and forget it, i found the more i thought about it the more upset i felt and wanted to give it up.
One thing ofsted did tell me to do is write the complaint in my complaints file just incase ofsted want to look at it when i have my inspection.

Keep smiling and as long as the parents of the mindee you look after are happy you have nothing to worry about

**Trouble** · 22-01-2010, 04:36 PM

i dont know where all the

people are coming from but they can crawl back under there stone and stay there

Please dont let this put you off, this is a one in a million and will never happen again

ofsted have no complaints so you should be proud of yourself and think that you had a lucky escape

from having her in your house every day

big hugs xxxx

**Saranotts** · 22-01-2010, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by helendee

99% sure it was her because she changed completely after coming back downstairs, I have a suspicion that she nosed into our bedroom which I admit is a mess!1 I am certain that I had shut the door but it was ajar when I went upstairs!!!

Was it because it was a mess or was it the whips and the chains on the wall

Luckily our bathroom is downstairs and so people don't have to go upstairs because I promise you it is a mess. Its so difficult in this job to keep everywhere immaculate (or even tidy) when you have lots of little ones around, that and you hardly ever get to go upstairs because you are so busy trying to keep everything in order downstairs.

So don't worry, if this person was so short sighted as to see a bit of mess and not like it and to be rude enough to pry in to your bedroom then you certainly don't want to be looking after her child.

We all have bad days (I should know

) and it can get you down but I promise once the sun is shining and you are able to get out and about, enjoying the garden and going on picnics and day trips, you will see why this job is so good.

Sara

**bandlady** · 22-01-2010, 04:53 PM

Hi Something similar happened to me and I was really upset at the time and my first instinct was to give up childminding. It will take time to get over this because your confidence has been knocked but try to focus on the fact that you have been a childminder for a long time and the children and parents that you have minded for over the years are obviously happy with your setting and what you provide. Chill out this weekend and try to put this behind you.

Good luck

**caz3007** · 22-01-2010, 04:57 PM

Sending you a hug. My house sounds similar to yours. Its well used and we are buying it with a large mortgage, so cant afford to paint and decorate as much as I would like and also my upstairs apart from the bathroom is a mess, and sometimes my family lounge is too, but the lounge I use for childminding is usually fairly tidy, although cluttered.

I cant understand this horrid woman complaining, if she didnt like you or your house, then she should go elsewhere.

Many years ago my DD went to a minder, the first one had an immaculate house, but left my DD to cry (she was aobut 6 months old) and never picked her up. She left that one, and I found another who had a really untidy, cluttered and a house that could have done with a bit of a clean, but my DD was really happy there....I know which sort of CM I would rather be

**twinkle3005** · 22-01-2010, 05:04 PM

Hi Hun.

I had a parent complain to Ofsted about me too so I know exacly how you're feeling. There are some really horrible people about that are willing to lie about others to make themselves feel better about their own shortfallings.

I've worried and stressed so much since October that I considered giving up childminding as I felt that we, in our profession are so vunerable to others that are too ready to lie, in my case for financial gain.

Try to move on from this awful situation and remember 'YOU'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG' so enjoy your time with the children you have and don't give this nasty woman a second thought.

Jo xx

**brightstar** · 22-01-2010, 05:43 PM

I used to have a tidy house - pre childminding.

Now its looking tatty, but my mindees are happy and thats the way it should be. I won't buy expensive stuff because I don't want to spend my days nagging the mindees, I'll save that for when I retire.