should I treat them both the same?

**julie w** · 21-01-2010, 07:51 AM

I collect 2 boys after school every day, both 6. They're not bad lads but I have problems with them running off from me on the school run. It's not just running ahead, it's going in people's gardens, on and off the kerb , disappearing up alleys so I have to look for them etc. I've talked to them till I'm blue in the face and I'm fed up shouting up the street every day. I've mentioned it to the parents and in newsletters but all to no avail. Last night I had another sterner word with their respective fathers saying it cant go on and it looks so bad for me as well as being dangerous etc etc. One parent rolled his eyes and said " not again, you must stop doing this " to his son. Son couldn't have cared less. The second boys father turned to his son and spoke to him saying " this is the last time you do this, when you come to Julie's you're not to go on the WII or laptop for a whole week and if you run off again then it will be a month" The boy, in tears said yes Dad.Then his Dad asked if I'd support him . I said yes . So the dilema is, do I stop both boys using the WII and laptop for a whole week (I know Dad no.1 wont like it) or just the second boy because his Dad insists on it. Thanks for yor advice.Don't know what I'd do without you all.x.

**miffy** · 21-01-2010, 07:58 AM

I would - the "offence" is the same but I disagree with with holding the wii for a week. I'd have said if they walk home properly and follow your rules then they can play on the wii if they don't they can't.

Miffy xx

**miss mopple** · 21-01-2010, 07:59 AM

Yep, I'd instill the same consequences for both. They have to learn that their actions arent acceptable and if withdrawing their pc/ game time works then I wouldnt hesitate

I do have a reputation for being very strict though

**Blackhorse** · 21-01-2010, 08:06 AM

I dont think you can do anything else than treat them the same.
i would agree...if they dont walk home properly then you wont let them play wii etc.

if they walk home ok then they are allowed.

it is your house and your rules and although we consult with parents it is up to you not to let them on these things

the stricter parent might carry on the same in his house and may choose not to let the lo do some of these things while the other parent might not do that but then that is up to them

in your house you need to treat them the same as otherwise you would send the boys a really bad message.
the one boy will know he wont have to listen at all as no consequences
and the other will feel treated very unfairly. and that will then probably have repercussions though their entire behaviour when with you

**suzyblue** · 21-01-2010, 08:12 AM

I would also make them hold your hands or onto the buggy until they show you they can walk properly and give lots of praise when they do. Good luck!

**sarah707** · 21-01-2010, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Kindertime

I would also make them hold your hands or onto the buggy until they show you they can walk properly and give lots of praise when they do. Good luck!

This is what my lot do... no running ahead or being silly.

We have to walk by a busy road and only yesterday there was a lorry turning and cars on the pavement

Your house, your rules

**solly** · 21-01-2010, 08:29 AM

I would treat them both the same as the others have said your house your rules.

**The Juggler** · 21-01-2010, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by Kindertime

I would also make them hold your hands or onto the buggy until they show you they can walk properly and give lots of praise when they do. Good luck!

That s what I do, even to my two 10 year olds if they insist on pushing and shoving each other all the way home

**peanuts** · 21-01-2010, 08:35 AM

you need to treat both the same, or the other might just rub the other up the wrong way and it could cause resentment.

**little daisies** · 21-01-2010, 09:18 AM

put them both on wrist straps they will soon behave

**Pudding Girl** · 21-01-2010, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by little daisies

put them both on wrist straps they will soon behave

was just about to say this, works a treat

but yes, I don't see why you can't do the same for both boys, it's your setting and you do as you see fit and this is the consequence of them running off

**julie w** · 21-01-2010, 09:44 AM

Thankyou to everyone. I was thinking the same but it's good to have other opinions and support. I think a week is a bit too long, but the dad insisted on it. If all improves before a week I'll have a word with dad about letting son do things again as a reward for being good. I already have 2 little ones holding my buggy on way home so I couldnt let the boys hold it. thanks again.xx

**Heaven Scent** · 21-01-2010, 10:00 AM

You've probably tied your own hands on this occasion by agreeing to support the dad this time - what I would do though is check daily that he is keeping to his side of the bargain and so long as he is then you will have to treat both children the same and explain this to the other childs parent - they should learn their lesson this time and you shouldn't have to do this again and if they do start to mis-behave again then you always have a history of this consequence to fall back on by way or a threat.

What they are doing is not only disrespectful to you and the home owners but is dangerous to themselves and other road users - I hate driving to school pick ups when children are allowed to run all over the place and jump on and off kerbs etc. - I think they need to learn to calm down plus its also not giving a very good example to the younger children and not fair on them too. - Hey what a witch of a childminder I am!!!

**mushpea** · 21-01-2010, 10:24 AM

when we are out I give them places to run to ie the lampost or the blue car etc, then they must stop and wait where i can see them, i tell them that if they cant see me properly then i cant see them, if they dont follow this rule then they arent allowed to run ahead
last night one of them kept running ahead then hiding behind bushes, twice i told him he had to be where i can see him and why then he did it again so he had to hold my buggy home, if he had let go of the buggy and ran off again then there would have been no wii.
I am fairly strict when we are out but its because i want them to be safe whilst having fun and i do explain this to them.

**Mouse** · 21-01-2010, 10:33 AM

I agree with what someone else said. Rather than using the threat of no Wii as a punishment, I would turn it the other way and say Wii is only allowed as a reward if they behave on the way home. I bet if you stop them from playing on it a couple of times they'll soon realise you mean it!

It sounds as if the dad who is backing you up wants to work with you, so would probably agree to that. With the other day it's just tough. Tell him that these are going to be your rules from now on & could he reinforce to his son the idea that he will not be allowed on the Wii unless he walks home properly.

**The Juggler** · 21-01-2010, 12:54 PM

I agree with Mouse. regardless of what Dad is doing. This time you may have to implement it for a week to support him. After that tell Dad that Wii will only be allowed, if they have walked home nicely.

Pipsqueak · 21-01-2010, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by little daisies

put them both on wrist straps they will soon behave

dittio ditto ditto!!!!

**Mollymop** · 21-01-2010, 12:58 PM

I would ban them both!

I have two 7 year olds and they are a nightmare when they are together.

They run off ahead on the school run - I give them both a warning and then when they do it again they are told to come and hold the buggy and stay with me all the time " I don't care if you look like a baby, you are to do as your told, so hold the buggy until you get into school!!" One of them gets so upset about holding the buggy handle he cries, but ....

... it works!!!

They very rarely run off from me now, though I do have to warn them sometimes....they know they will have to hold the buggy and they don't want that.

**Gizmo** · 21-01-2010, 01:02 PM

I agree the wii should be a reward for walking home properly
I have similar prob this week 2 los on straps on the buggy and dd who is 6 and I am minding an after school for another minder who had an accident, she is 7 she tries to get dd to run up the path, luckily for me dd is quite sensible (or she is fed up with me shouting) and she said to the other girl no we arent supposed to run too far up what if we fall and mum cant get to us quickly

thats my girl

**julie w** · 21-01-2010, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by Mollymop

I would ban them both!

I have two 7 year olds and they are a nightmare when they are together.

They run off ahead on the school run - I give them both a warning and then when they do it again they are told to come and hold the buggy and stay with me all the time " I don't care if you look like a baby, you are to do as your told, so hold the buggy until you get into school!!" One of them gets so upset about holding the buggy handle he cries, but ....

... it works!!!

They very rarely run off from me now, though I do have to warn them sometimes....they know they will have to hold the buggy and they don't want that.

You sure we dont have the same children lol