More help needed please x

**Tippy Toes** · 07-10-2009, 12:51 PM

Hi Again

This post is inrelation to my last post.

Since the child has been on laxatives I have only had child in morning before school this is due to mum being called to come and clean her up and take her home from school as she has had an accident.

When mum dropped child off this morn she was v upset/angry with the school saying they have said they think it best the child takes a year off school until this phase has passed, mum not happy with this and does not want to take child out of school. (Even though child is having daily accidents.)

Anyway, Im still in a muddle, still havnt had chat with mum due to only having the child 30 mins in morning...

Do you think mum should of asked me whether I am able to deal with this? Since child has been put on laxatives she has not once asked me if this is ok with me?? The child has additional needs and this is not what the contract was originally signed for.

Also, how do I finally sit down with mum and advise her that if child is having daily/regular accidents then I will be unable to care for her??!

I feel so terrible, the little girl is so sweet and enjoys coming to my house but I really dont see how I can cope.

I feel like mum feels like school is letting her down and then if I turn around and say the same I will feel truly terrible.

How would you start the conversation with mum?

The thing is mum has never actually sat down and told me what the full problem is, only that she is on laxatives and she is going to lose all control - And that was told to me in a hushed voice in the school yard!!

Ive only been childminding since June!

Thanks to anymore great advice anyone can give...

Hope im not repeating myself too much xxx

**breezy** · 07-10-2009, 12:58 PM

you need to talk to mum, in private at your house and find out from her exactly what the situation is and explain how you feel after she has spoken to you. Explain how much you like the child etc, but be honest tell her you cant cope and that the care her child needs will detract from the care the other kids need.

It wont be an easy conversation but it will be easier in the long run for you both to talk honestly about it and deal with it. It must be hard on mum too, so I'm sure she'll understand.

take care

**LisaMcNally09** · 07-10-2009, 01:12 PM

What a horrid school....I would feel very let down and dissapointed if i was mum.

Sorry i dont want you to feel worse its just this little girl will most probably be feeling very self conscious and to be told she cant go to school anymore must be devastating for her!!

I cant offer any advice apart from talk to mum about all problems and then dont rush into a discussion about terminating. See how you feel after you have had the talk

hth

**helenlc** · 07-10-2009, 01:16 PM

It will be difficult but easier in the long run rather than any resentment build up or misunderstandings get worse. I do think that she should have given you full details of her child's needs. Also the implications of the laxatives and whether you were prepared to continue with her daughter when the laxatives took affect. I know we are meant to be inclusive but when her care is compromising the others in your care, then I think you should carefully consider whether you can still accomodate her in your setting.

Explain that you are concerned that you wont be able to see to her child's specific needs whilst also caring for the others you have. You cannot offer one to one care and the constant cleaning and changing that this girl needs.

I would suggest that maybe she might be better with a nanny. I think the girl might be more comfortbale with one to one care and especially if it was in her own home. It would be easier for her to get changed into her own clothes, have a showeer in her own home etc without her privacy being compromised.

I am curious about the schools suggestion of leaving her off school for a year. Maybe they should have suggested a one to one carer to help her after her accidents rather than exclusion? She has special needs so surely should be entitled to a carer even if it is just to see to her personal hygiene?

**FussyElmo** · 07-10-2009, 01:23 PM

Totally agree you need to talk to this family now as it sounds like the mum thinks you are all ok with the situation. You need to sit the mum down and talk about the issue how many accidents she is having what to do if your out and about and the others in your care. The longer you put of talking to her the harder it is going to get. I would ring her tonight and make an arrangment for her to come and see you.

**Bitsy Beans** · 07-10-2009, 01:32 PM

I think Helenc speaks a lot of sense. I am amazed that this poor child is having to deal with this without any support (and I don't mean from you twinkletime - I mean the school). Am not suprised that her mum is cross, I would be too.

**mama2three** · 07-10-2009, 03:43 PM

completely agree with what others have said , I think the school is way out of line and mum has every right to be furious. this 'phase' may well not pass in a year , my 16 year old is still on medication! should he have never gone to school then?
The laxatives should cause far less ' accidents' once they start to work - i know it doesnt seem to make sense but the actual problem is constipation not diarrhea ( sp sorry!).
I think you need to sit mum down , and ask her to give you the whole picture , tell her you need to know all the facts so you can make a considered decision based on what is best for her daughter and all the others in your care. dont give her any decision at first. give yourself time to think it through - to seek medical opinion if you feel you need to , or to speak to inclusion support for your area , or whatever. stay calm and proffesional and supportive , and give her a date when you will make time to see her again to discuss further / give your decision etc.
I think i put in the previous thread , give the laxatives a couple of weeks to work , then see if she is still having accidents and disrupting the level of care you offer to others. Honestly I think that youll find a huge difference now she is getting the right treatment.Certainly my son still has the condition , the associated stomach cramps etc , but has not had any accidents whatsoever as long as he takes the movicol. kath x

**FizzysFriends** · 07-10-2009, 04:05 PM

If mom hasn't spoken to you about it has she actually spoken to the school about it? May be they don't know the full story?

**Tippy Toes** · 07-10-2009, 07:12 PM

Thank you for all your replies, Im having a chat with mum tomorrow so will get the full details then.

Thanks again to everyone who has replied, very much appreciated x

**youarewhatyoueat** · 08-10-2009, 09:35 AM

I'm not sure if its been mentioned before but I had trouble with my son and still do age7 but when he first started at school it was a daily occurance messing himself and we were taught various exercises by the continance nurse to help him go to the toilet. It was suggested that we help him to go before he goes to school which is what we did, they were happy for him to go in later if that is what it took. we still do it now if he hasn't been to save any accidents.
I would suggest mum change her hours so the child can have the time to go to the toilet before school in a relaxed atmosphere at home after taking the medication to help.
Also at school they used to let him use the toilet without other children around, they would ensure it was clean and the ta was fantastic in helping him at school.
I also got him tested for coeliac disease as this can cause chronic constipation or the opposite and a variety of gut problems, he was clear but as I have it he is at risk.But I do find certain foods cause the problem, the worst being too much roughage and apple juice this is often what parents give to children if they are constipated but the best thing that helps him is plenty of water. So it may be worth looking at the diet with the continence nurse.