Is it bad for my child?

**JennyM** · 21-09-2009, 12:42 PM

Hello all

I am currently a Nanny, just about to send off my forms to get registered as a childminder.

I currently bring my 17 month old to work with me three days a week and have done since she was 7 months old. On the fourth day she goes to her Nan's house.

She is a very bright, active, happy child but can be a bit clingy with me at times. Someone told me it is because I spend too much time with her and that she will be a nightmare when it is time for her to go to nursery/school as she is used to always having me around. She spends lots of time with other children, those that I look after and also at toddler groups etc.

Those of you that mind other children along with your own, do you find this is the case? Is it wrong to spend alot of time with my child?

I'd really appreciate some advice about this.

Thank you!

**melanieabigail2004** · 21-09-2009, 12:45 PM

No it is not wrong and from my perspective it has been the best thing for my children. I have to earn money but childminding allows me to spend time with my own children. I have been a CM since dd#1 was 6 months old and she started school a couple of weeks ago. She is a confident, well rounded child who I think has benefited from the time that I have invested in her.

Go for it

M

**Polly2** · 21-09-2009, 12:49 PM

No its not wrong to be spending time with your lo. Its lovely that you can and thats why many go into childminding /nannying in the first place. I am sure she will adapt to nursery/school perfectly well.

When mine were little I didn't work and was with them all the time and they were fine when they started playgroup.

So just enjoy the time you have with her

**madasahatter** · 21-09-2009, 12:53 PM

No it is not bad for your child to spend time with you!!!! get that thought out of your head immediately

........why do you think most of us are childminders? For me it was specifically so I could spend more time with my son!

Different children show differing amounts of 'clinginess' it's their way of saying 'I need you...show me I'm important to you'. If you are taking her to toddlers etc she is getting used to spending time in the company of lots of children and other adults, some she will know well through regular contact and some will be new. You are giving her the confidence to interact with those people knowing you are there to provide comfort and safety. As she gets older she will need your security less and you will probably consider preschool and then nursery etc to further develop her independence. When this happens she will show just the same transitional fears etc as children who have spent years in the various forms of childcare.

**JennyM** · 21-09-2009, 12:55 PM

Thank you!

I have to earn money too and being able to do so but still bring up my own child at the same time is fantastic for me! Will be even more so when I can do it as a childminder in my own home!

This person has just made me paranoid that I am doing somwthing wrong and maybe should put my own daughter into a nursery a day a week or something for her own good?

Pipsqueak · 21-09-2009, 12:57 PM

That person is talking twaddle - to be blunt.
How can it be a bad thing to spend time with your own mummy! People like that you can do without in your life.
All kids go through clingy phases - with some it lasts longer than others. James has mixed with other kids and gone to playgroup/nursery/friends houses/family and he is still a clingon with me. lol

**JennyM** · 21-09-2009, 01:02 PM

Thank you so much all of you, you have made me feel much better! You have confirmed what I already knew really but it helps to hear it from someone else.

I will be back on here over the next few weeks when my pre reg visit is happening.

Thanks again!

**mama2three** · 21-09-2009, 01:03 PM

every child will go through a form of seperation anxiety at some point. imo its much better for that to be when they start nursery and you can talk to them and calm some of their fears , than as a baby not understanding why you've been left so mum can go to work. Staying at home and spending extra time with your son will benefit you both!

**Alibali** · 21-09-2009, 01:05 PM

Think you may be asking the wrong people here, as a lot of us are doing this job for the very reason that we want to spend all out time with our children! My children all went to school and nursery happily although they spent most of their time with me. They were secure in the fact that it would be me there dropping them off and then for collecting them too.

**sarahlou** · 21-09-2009, 01:12 PM

I gave up teaching when my 2nd was born and I feel my youngest has come on a treat. She has had other children to interact with and being at home with her has given me the opportunity to see her grow and develop. She went to pre school a confident child who was always pleased to see me at the end of the day. She has just started school and I get lovely compliments of how lovely she is and confident - best thing I ever did. In addition my eldest (son) has also benifited from me pickin him up and takin him to school go for it - u can never spend too much time with your kids

**Gherkin** · 21-09-2009, 01:36 PM

Every child is different. My 3 yo daughter cannot remember me before I was a childminder so can only really remember the times when she has always had me around. Last week she started pre-school and loves it. I do not even get a backwards look from her and she will not kiss me goodbye.

My 5 yo son was harder to settle into pre-school. He went to one when he was 2 1/2 and hated it so I stopped sending him then he got a place at one closer to home when he was 3 and he loved it.

Every child is different. I do not think there are issues caused by the child being with its parent all the time but I do think the way you prepare them for the move to any setting is important.

**Hebs** · 21-09-2009, 01:39 PM

I never worked when my kids were babies,

Melissa is very shy, full of self confidence but shy (not in your face!!!!)

Mark is very full of himself, loud, outgoing with others but suffers from sepeartion anxiety when away from me.

He's a mummy's boy lol

**Paws** · 21-09-2009, 02:00 PM

[QUOTE=JennyM;531264]Hello all

Someone told me it is because I spend too much time with her and that she will be a nightmare when it is time for her to go to nursery/school as she is used to always having me around.

QUOTE]

Rubbish. My daughter only ever left my side for the 2 and a half hours of going to pre-school once a week! She's just started at school at the age of nearly 5 and loves every second. Your daughter spends a whole day every week being with her Nan so she is hardly 'used to always having you around!'. I would ignore whoever told you this.

**louised** · 21-09-2009, 03:56 PM

I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with both of my children when they were small and neither have had any kind of separation anxiety and were perfectly fine when they started school, in fact I never once had to set foot in the school in the morning whilst most of the other mothers had to drag their children in. In my experience the children who are clingy and don't settle well are the ones who are passed from pillar to post and never know who is going to be picking them up.

**Tatjana** · 21-09-2009, 04:56 PM

I was a sahm since my first ds was born, I have spent near enough every minute with them since we have no family to help out or babysit. They are both confident and ds1 started school without any anxiety problems, didn't cry once and now ds2 is starting nursery and is jus tas confident about it.

xx

LOOPYLISA · 21-09-2009, 04:58 PM

I only started working when dd went to school, was home with her

**clorogue** · 21-09-2009, 05:01 PM

No it is not. There is not one moment that I regret being there for them and that is what I am so proud of. I have achieved being at home for my children and earned some money too. Treasure every moment, every hug, every kiss, talking through situations with them and always be there for them that is what I say! Knowing that you are there is the biggest support you can give them to see them on there way.I will never look back in my life and say I wasn't there for them all through! It doesn't suit everybody and that is not to say that childminding/nursery children are disadvantaged, but it has all been right for me and my family. Another major point is how they learn to share their things and always have done and it is lovely now to see all my three elder children interact with the little ones and it all comes so naturally to them - that is a gift in itself.

**The Juggler** · 21-09-2009, 05:22 PM

it is not bad for them. I just wish I started minding earlier. My ds was already in reception when I started and my dd 2 1/2. they had a lovely childminder themselves but now I see how lovely it was I wish I'd done it sooner. I just don't think I thought I could earn enough to give up work but when I decided I was going to do it anyway, after a few years I'm back to earning similar to what I used to earn anyhow (because of all the lovely tax breaks!).

**manjay** · 21-09-2009, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by The Juggler

it is not bad for them. I just wish I started minding earlier. My ds was already in reception when I started and my dd 2 1/2. they had a lovely childminder themselves but now I see how lovely it was I wish I'd done it sooner. I just don't think I thought I could earn enough to give up work but when I decided I was going to do it anyway, after a few years I'm back to earning similar to what I used to earn anyhow (because of all the lovely tax breaks!).

I too wish I had done it earlier! I worked full time when both my elder children were little. I did register as a minder about 12 years ago in England but never actially went ahead with looking after any children. Looking back I don't think I had the confidence in myself to do it then. My ds who is 3 has never known anything other than Mummy being at home. Yes he does have to share me sometimes but to us that is preferable to me working outside of the home. He has justed started school nursery and the teacher told me today that he has fitted in like a natural

Good luck and hope your registration process goes smoothly