Update on Crying Newbee!!!

**grindal** · 04-06-2009, 01:01 PM

Hi all - thanks for all the replies to my long and moany post yesterday, just a quick update. Dad arrived at 7.50 this morning and came in as he handed her over to me, she started to cry

. He took her back from me did the same thing about 4 more times and then said, lets go and sit down and get you settled - and he was off in my front room. He spent about 20 mins there and by the time he left she was in more of a state than when he first handed her to me

Anyway, I texted to say she had settled and suggested we discussed separation strategies when he came to collect her. I am planning on saying that I think the protraction is making things worse not better, and could he just say goodbye at the door and walk away (which is what someone suggested to me yesterday). He gets me a bit rattled - yesterday he asked me to make sure she wore a bib when eating so her clothes stayed clean, today he told me she was thirsty and can I make sure I let her drink when she wants to, and now he wants to bring her pushchair so she can feel comfortable when we are out (where my 18 month old son is supposed to go i do not know

).
Having said all that she has been a lot calmer today - she slept this morning while we were out and is now upstairs in the cot - crying at times, but not at full throttle like yesterday. This was gonna be a short post

**Polly2** · 04-06-2009, 01:48 PM

Oh poor you
Dad sounds a nightmare! I think you are doing the right thing and should definatley have that chat with dad about not hanging around in the morning.

She will settle much better if he just leaves, and you will feel more comfortable too.

Hope tomorrow is better x

**Tatjana** · 04-06-2009, 02:33 PM

Sounds like the dad will be harder work than the lo! Hope the chat goes well.

xx

**little chickee** · 04-06-2009, 02:53 PM

I have had a similar situation with one of my mindees - mum insisted on dragging out the leaving process each week until child was almost sick with crying so much - it was always "one last cuddle" which turned into 20 mins of crying - i meanwhile had my own kids to get off to school and other mindees to mind

i eventually lost my patience

and said i would just take him off her which i firmly did closed the door and the child had stopped crying within a few minutes! i then told (not asked) the mum that in future she was to say one goodbye with one cuddle and i would then take child and close the door within 3 days the child had stopped the whole performance and was no longer crying - you need to be firm (not always easy i know) and insist that it is in the best interests of the child (& you!!) to have a smooth handover and hopefully as soon as child realises that crying gets her nowhere she should soon settle

Let us know how you get on Karen

**grindal** · 04-06-2009, 03:36 PM

Hi Karen
Dad has just collected her and I have asked that he now says goodbye on the doorstep and just hands her over - remains to be seen how he reacts tomorrow

**haribo** · 04-06-2009, 03:57 PM

i used to have one just the same( dad) he was a nightmare would spend too long saying bye so if lol wasnt already crying he certainly was by time dad finished ! i tried everything to make dad go quicker he was just stubborn i think . i ended up giving notice about something else but wasnt sorry to see them go

felt like id done a fulll days work by time i shut the door on dad

Pipsqueak · 04-06-2009, 04:44 PM

I came across a new acronym yesterday about handover

KISS - keep it short and sweet

**PixiePetal** · 04-06-2009, 04:48 PM

Good luck for tomorrow

**haribo** · 04-06-2009, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by Pipsqueak

I came across a new acronym yesterday about handover

KISS - keep it short and sweet

Will certainly remember that one lol and one kiss not 20

**misst104** · 04-06-2009, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by Pipsqueak

I came across a new acronym yesterday about handover

KISS - keep it short and sweet

I like that

When I worked in nursery (over many years!!) I saw this time and time again and came to the conclusion that for some parents, the child needs to be unsettled in order for the parent to feel loved and needed. Its so unfair on the child and of course the longer they stay the worse the crying will get. The child soon learns that the louder the cry, the longer the stay. I hope he has listened to what you said and hands over the child at the door tomorrow.

xxx jo

**Alibali** · 04-06-2009, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by misst104

I like that

When I worked in nursery (over many years!!) I saw this time and time again and came to the conclusion that for some parents, the child needs to be unsettled in order for the parent to feel loved and needed. Its so unfair on the child and of course the longer they stay the worse the crying will get. The child soon learns that the louder the cry, the longer the stay. I hope he has listened to what you said and hands over the child at the door tomorrow.

xxx jo

I was just about to say the same, I sometimes think that parents wont leave until lo gets upset so the parents feel loved!

Pipsqueak · 04-06-2009, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by misst104

I like that

When I worked in nursery (over many years!!) I saw this time and time again and came to the conclusion that for some parents, the child needs to be unsettled in order for the parent to feel loved and needed. Its so unfair on the child and of course the longer they stay the worse the crying will get. The child soon learns that the louder the cry, the longer the stay. I hope he has listened to what you said and hands over the child at the door tomorrow.

xxx jo

Absolutely - totally agree with that. It to soothe the parents guilt at leaving the child.

I must be a hardhearted moo - James often has a clingon whingey moment - heading towards full on cry mode as I drop him at nursery - I literally give him a kiss, cuddle, firm and cheerful see you later and hand him to his teacher. Meanie aren't I AND I feel no guilt pangs at doing it!

**misst104** · 04-06-2009, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by Pipsqueak

Absolutely - totally agree with that. It to soothe the parents guilt at leaving the child.

I must be a hardhearted moo - James often has a clingon whingey moment - heading towards full on cry mode as I drop him at nursery - I literally give him a kiss, cuddle, firm and cheerful see you later and hand him to his teacher. Meanie aren't I AND I feel no guilt pangs at doing it!

Not a meanie at all. A very sensible mummy doing the best for her child in my opinion. The workers there will love you for it!!!

Pipsqueak · 04-06-2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by misst104

I like that

xxx jo

Are we all going to have a KISS policy/procedure now lol

**grindal** · 04-06-2009, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by Pipsqueak

Are we all going to have a KISS policy/procedure now lol

Yes
Am going to write a dropping off policy - no parent can enter my house past my front door mat, and drop off can take no more than 2 minutes

I bet I wont be so brave tomorrow when the same thing will probably happen again

**katickles** · 04-06-2009, 08:43 PM

Nighgtmare dad there then!! Good luck for tomorrow, let us know how you get on x

**ORKSIE** · 04-06-2009, 09:12 PM

I have a screamer, when mum leaves.
I said to mum this morning" Dont worry"
She said "I dont, I know its for show, Cos when I pick her up, She smiling"
And of course she's right

**little chickee** · 05-06-2009, 08:17 AM

Are you serious about the dropping off policy?!

Drop off is an area where i do have a problem - i have a parent who arrives with child in car seat and if hes asleep she wants to stay until he wakes up - which can be an hour! i then feel like i've to keep her company rather than leaving her sitting on her own in my living room! and this really interferes with my routine.

i'm more than happy to chat about our day and how child has been on collection but feel that drop off should be no more than a few minutes.

**grindal** · 05-06-2009, 12:37 PM

[QUOTE=little chickee;440060]Are you serious about the dropping off policy?!

No - I was joking !!
It is theur first week with me and on Wed and Thurs I felt Dad made the drop off a bit worse than it could have been. I spoke to him about it last night and things were a lot smoother this morning.