HELP IM FED UP

**donnadoo2004200** · 06-05-2009, 06:51 PM

Hi Guys, I need a little advice or help. I have 2 boys after school 1x 8yrs and 1x 6yrs. The 8 yr old is very boisterous which eggs the smaller one on. I have provided lots of arts and crafts for them not interested, ive provided games they said they enjoyed not interested, I let them in the garden only for them to destroy the babies toys, crushed all the balls in the ball pitt, broke the door off the play house, rip arms off dolls etc, im at my witts end what to do with them. Then to top it all the smaller one used foul language (to which I told parent) in front of one of my other parents who was picking up (so embarrassed).
Any advice on what to do with these boys, its seems all they want to do is play fight and destroy toys arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**sarah707** · 06-05-2009, 06:57 PM

They are old enough to be told in no uncertain terms by their parents that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Bill parents for a new bag of balls and the cost of fixing the door - that should make them sit up and take notice!!

If it does not resolve then remember that the Childcare Register says the care of older children must not impact on the little ones in the Eyfs... so if you feel it's not getting any better you might be best giving notice to the 8 year old. Tough but it's the law.

Good luck x

**Curly Quavers** · 06-05-2009, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by sarah707

They are old enough to be told in no uncertain terms by their parents that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Bill parents for a new bag of balls and the cost of fixing the door - that should make them sit up and take notice!!

If it does not resolve then remember that the Childcare Register says the care of older children must not impact on the little ones in the Eyfs... so if you feel it's not getting any better you might be best giving notice to the 8 year old. Tough but it's the law.

Good luck x

I agree get tough

**Daftbat** · 06-05-2009, 07:28 PM

Don't want to sound patronising so please don't take it that way - have you thought of getting the children to write down , or discuss with you what they would like to do at your house. It may be that they don't want the arts and crafts and think the outside toys are too young for them.

I would give them some paper and a pen and get them to write things down. You may find that they want simple things like TV, board games. Nintendo DS or cards. They may like to help with preparing tea or snacks.

Hope you manage to sort something out.

**donnadoo2004200** · 06-05-2009, 07:39 PM

I wont take it the wrong way, its ok any advice is greatfully received. When they started I got them to fill in a form asking what they like and dislike, I have got most of the board games and more for them, I ask them if they want to watch some tv always say no. They are not allowed computer games (parents say so). I did get them a football net and some footballs but they thought it was really funny to keep kicking it in the neighbours garden. Its seems they need me to sit there and supervise them the whole time, which I definately cant do with 3 under 5's to watch also. I think maybe one of them needs to go but at the moment I can do with the cash badly.

**huggableshelly** · 06-05-2009, 07:51 PM

I agree with what sarah has already stated.

**haribo** · 06-05-2009, 08:16 PM

id talk to the parents and say if their behaviour doesnt improve you will have no choice but to end the contract - they need to reinforce your message that you will not put up with it.. ive had areal toughie like that and it was hard work but when he realised i was as tough as him he was a bit of a sweetie lol and i was glad i persevered . sometimes kids will push us to the limit just because they can . i hope things get better for you quickly .

**youarewhatyoueat** · 07-05-2009, 10:14 AM

What have you got for them to do, i've got swingball, playmobil,meccano, lego, they play marbles,pick up sticks, simple simon says and all the little ones join in, it's a right laugh. I think you've got to have a rethink. I tend to put most of the baby toys away and get the older ones sorting out a game to include the younger ones, I have a selection on laminated cards for them to pick from, give the older ones some responsibility. Ask them to teach you a new game they may have learnt at school, this should engage them.
Mind you I have to allow about 20 minutes of bouncing off the walls before they will start. We then play for about 30 minutes before a snack and drink. I don't do meals anymore because I found them a pain to prepare and also play and supervise at the same time and it is now much more relaxed.
Good luck and make sure they know what is unacceptable behaviour, and praise them when they do well. Obvious I know but by the end of the day I often forget.
Caroline

**angeldelight** · 07-05-2009, 10:17 AM

I think if these children are naughty then it does not matter what you have for them they are just going to think it is funny to destroy it anyway

You have asked them what they like and that has not got you anywhere

It does not matter if you have 4 different toys or a 100 different toys for them ,at the end of the day their behaviour is not acceptable and I for one would not tolerate it

I agree with Sarah I know you do not want to do it but you really must speak to their parents

Good luck

Keep us posted

Angel xx

**Tasha M** · 07-05-2009, 11:34 AM

you HAVE to speak to the parents, it's just not on and it is obviously causing you and the other mindees big problems, the parents have to take note, say you may have to give notice, then they may see how serious this whole situation is. good luck. x

**beckycoop** · 07-05-2009, 12:06 PM

I had two 8yr old brothers for 5 weeks. I had to let them go as all they did was trash the place and fight with each other. My son who is the same age and friends with them was also getting tired of his room getting trashed...

Im sure if you had to let one go you would fill your place sonn enough if you needed to ( get girls...they are much less boisterous!!)

becky x

**The Juggler** · 07-05-2009, 05:21 PM

Also, try pyschological route and get them onside. Tell them behaviour unacceptable but you don't want to have to speak to their parents and disappoint them. Ask them if that's what they want - so they have a choice to calm down a bit or if they don't know that they've made the decision for you to speak to them.

Also, quietly tell parents you've had that conversation.

It is totally unacceptable but maybe getting them to play with little ones, teach them to play football etc (sorry if you've already tried all this!).

Good luck - it's not easy with bigger ones but sometimes like someone said under it all they are sweeties they are just begging for boundaries to be enforced. But at the end of the day its care of little ones that's foremost. Trouble is its almost like they are stuck in the toddler stage which is why they can't control their behaviour.

**louloudi** · 08-05-2009, 01:34 PM

most of my mindees are after schoolers too in general they are usually fine but I do have the odd moment when they can be quite naughty. Is usually fighting. The problem I have is consequences...

What consequences do you set if children break rules??!!!

**childminder54** · 08-05-2009, 02:48 PM

I find that children that age are hard to deal with they say they are board,all the time what ever you try to do im glad i dont get call for that age...

veronicaxx

**mushpea** · 08-05-2009, 04:43 PM

i get the I'm bored thing from my two who are 8 and 10 my mum says to them 'theres no such word as bored , find somthing to do' it always works for her but never me

the other day 2 older mindees were fighting over a bag of dolls close, i asked them twice to share but they didn't so i said if you cant sort it out between you and share them then i will take the whole lot away then no one can play, it worked and they played nicley.
as for breaking the toys you could always tell them that if they cant play properly with the toys and be careful with them then they wont play with any of the toys then when they do break somthing on purpose tell them no more toys the only thing you are allowed to do is colouring at the table where i can see you.
also if i am say changing a nappy or in the kitchen and they are in the living room and start messing about then i say to them if you cant play nicley then you will have to stay where i can see you, if they continue to mess about then they have to follow me around the house.
I have also had them siting on my stairs doing time out before, after all you cant send them to their room for time out !!
definatly talk to the parents and explain the problems you are having and how its effecting the other children and hand them a letter stating that if more toys are broken then they will be billed for them.
you could ask the children if there is anything they would like to bring from home to play with (put up a disclamer saying you cant be held responsible for loss or damage to their property though). this would also give you an idea of what they like to do.
older ones are definatly more work than little ones so good luck with this.

**The Juggler** · 08-05-2009, 06:29 PM

Have also taken offending toy away at times. However, if I can't leave the room for 30 secs without hell breaking loose when I am cooking tea then I will tell them if they can't get on together they will have to come and sit at the kitchen table and draw whilst I cook so I can keep my eye on them!

That usually works, if it doesn't they all sit and draw with no more arguing.

**mushpea** · 08-05-2009, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by The Juggler

Have also taken offending toy away at times. However, if I can't leave the room for 30 secs without hell breaking loose when I am cooking tea then I will tell them if they can't get on together they will have to come and sit at the kitchen table and draw whilst I cook so I can keep my eye on them!

That usually works, if it doesn't they all sit and draw with no more arguing.

nice to know i am not the only one that works this way