Men at Childminding Groups

Blue Boy · 27-03-2009, 01:21 PM

This is my first thread, it may be controversal, so please be gentle

Both Sally and myself go to a particular childminding group and there have been issues with me attending. As the token male it was almost as I was not there. No one would speak to me and even asked Sally questions about me when I was standing next to them

Then whilst arranging a childminders' xmas meal Sally was asked if she wanted to come as I could look after our own children. Needless to say my nearest and dearest told them in no uncertain terms that our children are well able to look after themselves and why was I not asked, the answer was they did not think I would like to be out with a load of women (That's an offer that does notcome along very often

) she would not be going.

I decided that I would not go to the group anymore as I was starting to feel uncomfortable and did not want to get into an argument that was waiting to happen.

The head of the children's center asked Sally why I was not going, as did some of the other minders (I could be nasty & say that they had to keep an eye on their minded children and not get me to did it)

Sally advised her of what the problem was and she was shocked. She called a meeting of the group to cover other issues and apparently mentioned what was happening. Some of the others seemed to understand and some not. I eventually went back to the group after some 6 months to see have things were and I must say they have improved.

I was just woundering if anyone else had encountered this problem where a male at a group is seen with some horror, unease or any other word you want to use.

It is hard enough being accepted by parents, let alone your fellow professionals.

Sorry to rant but had to ask the question.

Mick

**Mrs M** · 27-03-2009, 01:28 PM

I think it's a terrible shame that men in this profession get treated badly. I'm sorry you've received negative treatment from female minders.
I don't know of many male childminders but I did attend a lovely childminder drop in at a children's centre which I don't usually go to. There was a male childminder who walked in with one child. He was lovely. He was great with the child and I assumed he was there alone. Next minute his wife walked in who was equally as lovely. He was a knowledgable, hard working childminder who, as far as I could see, was respected by both the other minders and the network co-ordinator - that is the way it should be. Who cares what sex you are? The point is, are we good at our jobs and are the children happy? Some people need to get a life!

Pipsqueak · 27-03-2009, 01:28 PM

That is disgusting behaviour from colleagues. In this day and age that is totally unacceptable and well done for Sally and the childrens center for tackling it.

I would go back to the groups and hold your head high and make your presence be felt - you have every right to be there - bloke or not - it should not matter.

We have two male minders in the area - one attends the drop in occasionally and tbh he is not treated any differently to anyone else. But then again perhaps thats just my take on it - think I am going to have to ask him if he feels awkward - just to make sure he isn't. he is a top bloke and a fab minder.

hmmm you have made me think now - just want to make sure he is comfortable!

**huggableshelly** · 27-03-2009, 01:30 PM

hi mick

the closest I've come to that was an xmas party from nursery, the male nursery nurse was not invited which i wasnt aware of at the time so when i asked him how he was getting there as we lived close to eachother he said he didnt get an invite so i decidd not to attend.

after the party i was asked why i hadnt been and told them outright that i wasnt happy that a collegue had been left out. he and i were close as we worked a room together as a team with another member of staff, whispers shot round so fast it was crazy, the girls and him were all invited to my hen night ... the girls didnt turn up!

he and me handed our notice in the following day, I refused to work with a bunch of sexist ladies and he was made to feel uncomfortable.

last i saw him he was settled in a nursery as head nursery nurse running the preschool room preparing his own wedding.

I hope you do not have to go through feeling pushed out again its just wrong, you are a proffessional just like anymore else in this job. i'm shocked to be honest that other minders gave you the cold shoulder, i dont know you but i sort of know sally she did my induction a few years ago.

keep your head up be who you are xxx

**Twinkles** · 27-03-2009, 01:34 PM

It's a shame you were made to feel like this. I think the profession would benefit hugely from more male minders.
I'm glad the childrens centre has addressed the issue now though.

A few years ago I used to feel sorry for the 'stay at home ' dads who picked up from school - they were virtually ignored in the playground.

**Polly2** · 27-03-2009, 01:41 PM

I think its awful you were treated that way. I think male cms bring a lot to the job that we as females need to recognise.

I don't go to a cm group but attend toddler groups where there are dads present and I have to say they are welcomed.
Well I hope they feel welcome - I have seen them all having good chats etc but you never know, like pip said until we ask.

Some cms can be clicky anyway - other toddler groups I went to after newly registering they totally shut me out just because I was
"new"

Sounds like your experience was down to you being male though - please don't let it put you off. Keep going and sort em out

If women were treated that way they would complain loudly!

TheBTeam · 27-03-2009, 01:46 PM

I am replying on behalf of Kevin in that we have been very lucky with our cm group, but only i think because a core membership of it were more than happy to support him and indeed provide references for him. He initially came on days out with us as my dh and then assistant and it made it easier for some of my cm friends to have another pair of hands that the kids really took to. When we told them he was registering they offered to give references and made comments about how really useful he was and that some outings just could not have happened without him. He is always welcome on our days out and there is often comment about is he skiving if i am at groups without him when numbers permit!! That said there is the odd one or two that are not so keen and i think he occassionally feels that he is a bit on the outside. I guess this is inevitable being the only male that on occassions the conversation is a bit girly and it is odd for me having him there and indeed for him to be there.

It is always assumed that if we are doing a night out at christmas then i go and he doesn't but that doesn't seem to bother him or me, as it is more my thing than his, he was never one for the works do!

I think that it is dreadful that men are not treated equally as professionals and admire any man who is prepared to do this job, i know my friends have no qualms having a male cm, some family think it is good that he is prepared to do what it takes to earn money to support his own family and others think he should get a proper job!! But they are the ones that think i should too!!
If a woman has a problem with it that is their problem and men should be applauded for doing it as i can imagine and my husband knows all too well what some people think, but equally we find as many who admire him, because it is not the easy option and they think he is really good with kids and so why not use that to make a living!

Wow got finger ache now, but thought you would appreciate his input through my fingers!

**Shar** · 27-03-2009, 01:49 PM

At the group I run (at a new childrens centre) there is a family community worker who is a man. He joins us for meet and greet sessions, playing with the children, reading stories and talking to them. At first some of the childminders were not too keen on him interacting with the children but after a few sessions everyone loves him and he is great at what he does. I'm covinced that if these women got off their backsides and did more with the children instead of chatting about colleagues they would see the benifit having a male role model within the group.

**tulip0803** · 27-03-2009, 02:34 PM

That is an awful way to behave.

We don't have any male childminders in our group but I wouldn't have a problem. I work part-time at a Family Centre (not a children's centre and independant charity) and some of the Mums have problems when Dads come with their children. I think it is thoughtlessness and not understanding that things have changed from the olden days

. We now have a male co-ordinator and so attitudes are changing

**Fee** · 27-03-2009, 02:35 PM

Hi,
I haven't been on in a while and am playing catch up with the posts, but this one caught my eye. In our childminding drop in group we have a Man child minder and he is very welcome, I joined after him and it did not even occur to me that it was different if he does not come I or someone else will ask where he is. I think it is a very sad person who does not welcome anyone to their group be it male or a newbie.

**sarah707** · 27-03-2009, 02:38 PM

My partner is registered to work alongside me (part time) and he has usually been welcomed by other childminders although there were some teething problems.

I hope they are all resolved now and those childminders he has met off here have made him more than welcome.

I think your local lot are missing out if they do not see the benefits...

Or maybe they are jealous of Sally for having such great support.

**Daftbat** · 27-03-2009, 02:42 PM

Hi,

I concur with the others that this is appalling. We don't really have a childminding support group near me but for years i have run a toddler group and whilst its been mainly mums and female childminders who have attended we have had a few men join us. I hope that they have felt welcome - in fact i know they have - one even came and asked me for a reference for a job he was applying for! I would personally like to see more men childminding and attending parenting groups and feel embarassed as a woman that you have been made to feel like this.

Please please keep getting involved - these small minded individuals must not be acknowledged - its they who are the problem and not you.

**Pudding Girl** · 27-03-2009, 02:56 PM

Some CM groups can be cliquey and weird at the best of times, esp dare I say

it with the older CMs who have been doing it for years n years.

**angeldelight** · 27-03-2009, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by Mick McGeown

This is my first thread, it may be controversal, so please be gentle

Both Sally and myself go to a particular childminding group and there have been issues with me attending. As the token male it was almost as I was not there. No one would speak to me and even asked Sally questions about me when I was standing next to them

Then whilst arranging a childminders' xmas meal Sally was asked if she wanted to come as I could look after our own children. Needless to say my nearest and dearest told them in no uncertain terms that our children are well able to look after themselves and why was I not asked, the answer was they did not think I would like to be out with a load of women (That's an offer that does notcome along very often

) she would not be going.

I decided that I would not go to the group anymore as I was starting to feel uncomfortable and did not want to get into an argument that was waiting to happen.

The head of the children's center asked Sally why I was not going, as did some of the other minders (I could be nasty & say that they had to keep an eye on their minded children and not get me to did it)

Sally advised her of what the problem was and she was shocked. She called a meeting of the group to cover other issues and apparently mentioned what was happening. Some of the others seemed to understand and some not. I eventually went back to the group after some 6 months to see have things were and I must say they have improved.

I was just woundering if anyone else had encountered this problem where a male at a group is seen with some horror, unease or any other word you want to use.

It is hard enough being accepted by parents, let alone your fellow professionals.

Sorry to rant but had to ask the question.

Mick

That is a real shame Mick sorry to hear that

But in my area it does not matter if you are male or female you do not feel welcome and have the same problems that you have had

I only went twice and hated it so never again

Glad to hear things have improved for you

Angel xx

**Demonjill** · 27-03-2009, 03:08 PM

Im not aware of any male CM's in my area but would not have a prob if there were.

However there is a male nursery teacher at DS nursery(he is actually DS keyworker) and he is brilliant, cant fault him in any way! And he is very popular with all the kids. As far as i know no one has any problems whatsoever with him. He has really helped DS and keeps me informed on everything too so does his job more than well

**Graham** · 27-03-2009, 03:25 PM

Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.

Graham

Blue Boy · 27-03-2009, 03:50 PM

Hi Graham,

It nice to know that us men are good for somthing

, but one day we will rule the world ( if the women let us that is !!)

regards

Mick

Originally Posted by Graham

Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.

Graham

**Chatterbox Childcare** · 27-03-2009, 03:56 PM

I am sorry to hear of your bad experience but it is warming to think that the centre took the matter in hand and dealt with it appropriately

Hope you enjoy going now

**Roseolivia** · 27-03-2009, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by Graham

Hi Mick

I am an assistant working with my wife, I don't go with her to the group meetings as I stay home and do the hoovering, ironing, cleaning etc., while the kids are out of the way.

I have been on a few outings and did feel a little awkward being the only male present.

The main thing is that the parents all accept me without question, so I have no problems there, when I started I was a little unsure how they would react but the feedback we get is 100% positive and the kids just think I'm another playmate.

Graham

Wow can i have one of you. I wish my partner would help with cleaning etc, we've had to get a cleaner as it's too much for me to do. I'm waiting for partner to whinge about cost of cleaner but then i'll answer back he should help.

**Roseolivia** · 27-03-2009, 05:47 PM

Such a shame you've been made to feel uncomfortable by grown woman. I think there's only 1 male minder in our area but i've not come across him yet. I wish there were more male minders around as the children get just as much out of it as having a female minder. Glad you've gone back to the group, show them how much better you are than them at minding.