Mindee's shouting at cm's.

[cher25]

Hi, My 5 year old mindee has a habit of shouting at me when he doesn't get his own way. I have talked to him about it and asked him repeatedly not to shout at me and i tell his parent's everytime he does it. But when i do talk to him about his attitude he talks about his attitude as if it's another person. When he does start shouting at me, i have to raise my voice slightly to be heard and feel guilty as hell when i do.
Today though, we were almost late to school and i asked him to hurry, as he normally does everyday to get into line regardless of us running late or not. (We are late now and then due to parent's running late themselves.) However he walked slowly, then started asking me to take him into school via the school reception, but as we weren't late i said no and continued walking. He then started shouting at me in the yard in front of everyone! I was angry but more embarrased than anything else. How can i encourage him to not do it? For all he is only 5 he acts a lot older at times and likes to be in charge of everything, including with his baby brother and my 3 year old mindee. What can i do to encourage him not to shout at me? I have tried to give him some responsibility, eg help the 3 year old wash his hands, and help with dishes etc which he enjoys doing and have tried star charts. But nothing works. His baby brother is 17 month's old and is my full timer and is going through a stroppy stage and although he cant talk is becoming argumentative himself, which is stressful enough without being shouted at by a 5 year old on top.
Sorry it's another long thread from me.

[Pipsqueak]

don't apologise, thats what we are here for.

personally I would just sayin a quiet and calm voice - do not shout or talk to me like that, when you can talk to me nicely I will take notice and then carry on as normal, totally ignoring him

my 4yr old mindee has a tendancy to shout at me and also at the other children - he gets very bossy and takes it upon himself to discipline everyone. I just take him to one side, ask him not to shout and I will deal with any shenanigans that are going on (that he has generally instigated, center of or has imagined!)

[Twinkles]

i think part of the problem is the parents attitude. I spend a great deal of time convincing M that I'm in charge of the house/what people are allowed/not allowed to do , only to have mum come and say 'ok darling you're in charge'

[cher25]

don't apologise, thats what we are here for.

personally I would just sayin a quiet and calm voice - do not shout or talk to me like that, when you can talk to me nicely I will take notice and then carry on as normal, totally ignoring him

my 4yr old mindee has a tendancy to shout at me and also at the other children - he gets very bossy and takes it upon himself to discipline everyone. I just take him to one side, ask him not to shout and I will deal with any shenanigans that are going on (that he has generally instigated, center of or has imagined!)

Thank you, I have tried ignoring him and getting on with it, but it makes him worse and he then get's upset. He doesn't like it when i tell his parent's what he has been doing either as they do discipline him at home by taking away toy's and thing's but he seem's to be the same with them aswell. I find im lacking patience with being bossed around by kids now. Have put up with it for year's with my cousin's kids. Just need to find a way to calm myself and leave him to it i guess.

[Andrea08]

aaarrrr i dont like it either but ive learned not to say a word not a peak,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just the LOOK!!!!!!!!!!

IT takes a while but soon enough they get the message,,, its not working m8
move ova im d boss mmm

xx

[Pipsqueak]

Thank you, I have tried ignoring him and getting on with it, but it makes him worse and he then get's upset. He doesn't like it when i tell his parent's what he has been doing either as they do discipline him at home by taking away toy's and thing's but he seem's to be the same with them aswell. I find im lacking patience with being bossed around by kids now. Have put up with it for year's with my cousin's kids. Just need to find a way to calm myself and leave him to it i guess.

not sure if thats counterproductive that the parents then punish him at home for something that has perhaps happened (a lot) earlier.

how do you disipline him? I would stand firm, get that look (apparently its all in the eyes - like not backing down from eyecontact with a dog ), say in a very calm, low voice - do not talk to me like that please. if he kicks of, he either has a choice of walking nicely next to me or I will get the wrist strap out and he can walk along on that (at least it keeps him moving!) and totally ignore the tantrum - which is what his upset sounds like it culminates in.

is his hearing ok and speech development. are there any particular triggers to him shouting? does he shout at home - at who, when, why

praise him if/when he calms down (even if he forgets it two seconds later adn shouts again), "catch" him being good and praise him (again for tiny things), ignore, ignore, ignore the shouting,

Twinks is right though - a lot comes down to parental attitude and you both need to be singing the same tune with this

[Schnakes]

Agree with everything Pip said.

I wouldnt take any jip from a mindee. You are the adult...you need to nip this in the bud!

Sx

[Andrea08]

not sure if thats counterproductive that the parents then punish him at home for something that has perhaps happened (a lot) earlier.

how do you disipline him? I would stand firm, get that look (apparently its all in the eyes - like not backing down from eyecontact with a dog ), say in a very calm, low voice - do not talk to me like that please. if he kicks of, he either has a choice of walking nicely next to me or I will get the wrist strap out and he can walk along on that (at least it keeps him moving!) and totally ignore the tantrum - which is what his upset sounds like it culminates in.

is his hearing ok and speech development. are there any particular triggers to him shouting? does he shout at home - at who, when, why

praise him if/when he calms down (even if he forgets it two seconds later adn shouts again), "catch" him being good and praise him (again for tiny things), ignore, ignore, ignore the shouting,

Twinks is right though - a lot comes down to parental attitude and you both need to be singing the same tune with this

wwooooooo im scared ,,, yes miss

but right on d nose its all about keeping calm, i was guilty of smacking my dd many yrs ago and it got me feeling sick n guilty so didnt work ,,

strong, firm and fair xx

[cher25]

not sure if thats counterproductive that the parents then punish him at home for something that has perhaps happened (a lot) earlier.

how do you disipline him? I ask him to sit down for a few minutes to calm down, it does work unless he is too angry. I would stand firm, get that look (apparently its all in the eyes - like not backing down from eyecontact with a dog ), say in a very calm, low voice - do not talk to me like that please. if he kicks of, he either has a choice of walking nicely next to me or I will get the wrist strap out and he can walk along on that (at least it keeps him moving!) and totally ignore the tantrum - which is what his upset sounds like it culminates in.

is his hearing ok and speech development. are there any particular triggers to him shouting? does he shout at home - at who, when, whyHis speech and hearing are fine, he shout's whenever he can't have his own way, wether it's another child not doing what he wants them to do, or if i ask him not to do something. He is like this at home apparently, and he does it to mam and dad. Mam did say she blames herself as they alway's treat him as older than he really is. Don't know whether that is an excuse or not.

praise him if/when he calms down (even if he forgets it two seconds later adn shouts again), "catch" him being good and praise him (again for tiny things), ignore, ignore, ignore the shouting, I alway's praise him, including today when he read a bit of finding nemo with me and recognised a few big words. Im also alway's telling him im proud of him when he does something that is good.

Twinks is right though - a lot comes down to parental attitude and you both need to be singing the same tune with this

I hope this works as i havent answered a message before by inserting colours.lol
But thank you i will try and have a chat with his mam about it and see if anything does trigger the shouting at home and think i will start writing everything down when he does it here to see if i can see a pattern in it.

[sarah707]

I try really hard not to shout. I get down at child level and speak more quietly than usual.

The child has to calm down to listen to me and if I can do it consistently, every single time, even if we are late for school run or something else needs doing, it does eventually make a difference.

The thing is not to get stressed yourself.

If you are late for school... so what? You are a few minutes late. Not the end of the world...

If you are getting tea and you hear something happening, turn off the cooker and go in quietly to speak to him. So what if tea is a few minutes later?

Experts tell us that it's about consistency and calmness, cos that's clearly what the child is lacking from elsewhere.

Hope this helps

[childmind04]

I have a 3 year old who is also a shouter and her attitude is appalling, i went out for a few drinks with friends a few weeks ago and bumped into her mum and soon realised where she gets it from