help! feel I cant do this anymore.....

**katie75** · 20-01-2009, 09:08 AM

this is my first post and sadly its a negative one!!! maybe you can all help me out on this one! I have 2 pre school sisters I look after one age 2 the other 10 months, I find the 2 year old a real challenge. I am a mum of 2 myself of 2 grown up boys and while I did have my difficulties with them going through the terrible twos , this child is extremley difficult, I feel like I am looking after 2 toddlers and not one!!! I have another toddler I look after and she does not behave the way the other one does and I feel I have let this go on long enough and its come the time to speak to the parents and let them go!! This particular parent I find extremley difficult all my other parents drop and pick up their children and go, this one "clocks in" for at least a half hour during drop off time at 730 and a half hour at pick up time at 430 she exhausts me!! I think she feels because her 2 children are full time with me that she is the be all and end all of my job. I am exhausted with the tantrums, and the constant reasoning with this child that I have had from she was 6 months old, she is making me weary, I dont want to completley insult the parent by saying I cant manage her child what should I do? I feel like a failure, but want an easy life! There are easier children out there!! The demand in my area for childcare is huge and know I can fill those places easy enough but how do I spit it out! I have been off sick from Friday and cant face the children because of it!!! sorry for the rant girls but need advice

**Helpinghands** · 20-01-2009, 09:18 AM

Hi

You need to make time to sit down with the parent and discuss your options. For the welfare of child and you! If its difficult to talk to her in the time she drops off and collects, perhaps write your thoughts in a letter and say you need to arrange a time you can "have a chat".

Perhaps reduce the times if possible or make a behaviour plan. As the children are in your care, its up to you how you "manage" them.

Using reward charts and stickers for their positive behaviour. Stick to your routine....then you will keep your head above water (so to speak)

Hope this helps.

**angeldelight** · 20-01-2009, 09:42 AM

Sounds to me like whatever you do now you have already had enough?

You have to do what is right for you and your family I am a fine one to talk I have a child just like the one you speak about and it stresses me so I know how you must be feeling.

Why make your days stressful and make yourself unhappy - you are supposed to like what you are doing and if this is that bad then give notice for your own sanity

It does not make you a failure at all - some children are easy some are a nightmare its no reflection on yourself

Do what is right for YOU

Let us know what you decide

Angel xx

**sue m** · 20-01-2009, 09:46 AM

Hi and welcome Katie. It's a hard one. I once had a little girl I loved but the mother was a nightmare, she didn't work and she actually sat at my house quite often nearly all day and no matter what I said, I could not get her to leave! You may not believe this but the evening she came to see me for the very first time with her 11 year old and 6 months old, she stayed till 11pm!!!! I should have seen the signs then. She had a flat she hated being in and loved being at my home. I got to really dislike her. The little girl was wonderful though, no problems at all.

If you have tried everything with this little one and are well and truly fed up, you might be better off working yourself up to having a word and saying you can't have them anymore. It's so hard to do I know. I did it purely cos of this Mum and I have to admit, I lied! I can't remember why I said I couldn't have her anymore cos it was years ago but it was a lie!!

Don't say you can't manage her child, tell her she's not happy with you (is she like it at home?) and you are NOT a failure!! We don't have to put up and shut up in this job, we do our best and if it doesn't work, maybe it's time she found another minder. I want an easy life too cos I'm an older minder and I work 16 hours a week with two gorgeous children so I've been very lucky. Lovely parents too.

Good luck.

**Blaze** · 20-01-2009, 09:53 AM

It sounds like you have had enough...I think if you mind for long enough eventually you find a child that tests your last nerve! For your sanity I would give notice...& say that for personal reasons you have to give notice...if pressed say with all the extra paperwork required under EYFS your cutting back on hours as your feeling it at he weekends...if say you take on new full time children & this parent finds out & questions it just say that you had a few weeks of recharged your batteries & sorted out a new paperwork system!

(It's not unheard of for parent's to complaint to OFSTED that a childminder couldn't manage demarding behaviour)! If it's got to the stage where you dread work then they have to go...I had the same feeling last year...but it was a parent that caused it...at the end of the day your mental health has to come first!!!! Good luck.

**katie75** · 20-01-2009, 10:04 AM

thank you for your quick replies, I just feel snowed under by her!!! Almost like being suffocated, I think I have made up my mind about it and its time to call it a day, my children even struggle and its not fair, now its working up the courage to do the "deed" but I have to do it somehow!

**Ripeberry** · 20-01-2009, 11:47 AM

Do what is important for you. You need looking after as well after all

Pipsqueak · 20-01-2009, 11:57 AM

think you have got my ex-mindee and parents - thats actually spooky!

you have to do whats right for you and yours. I let the situation drag on and it affected me and the family in some horrid ways.

sending you hugs ((()))

**childmind04** · 20-01-2009, 06:46 PM

I think if you are loosing money over being off sick because of this its time to end it

, sometimes things can be sorted but it sounds like you may be past that point (((hugs)))

**angeldelight** · 21-01-2009, 07:57 AM

Hope you are ok today Kate ?

Angel xx

**mandy moo** · 21-01-2009, 02:34 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

It sounds like you have had enough...I think if you mind for long enough eventually you find a child that tests your last nerve! For your sanity I would give notice...& say that for personal reasons you have to give notice...if pressed say with all the extra paperwork required under EYFS your cutting back on hours as your feeling it at he weekends...if say you take on new full time children & this parent finds out & questions it just say that you had a few weeks of recharged your batteries & sorted out a new paperwork system!

(It's not unheard of for parent's to complaint to OFSTED that a childminder couldn't manage demarding behaviour)! If it's got to the stage where you dread work then they have to go...I had the same feeling last year...but it was a parent that caused it...at the end of the day your mental health has to come first!!!! Good luck.

Oh my gooodness, thats dreadfull

Why on earth should we have to 'Manage' someone elses childs dreadfull behaviour!! especially for the little £'s we get and sometimes the long hours.
When it comes down to the basic fact, the parent prehaps ought to go to parenting classes and deal with her child..
sorry thats the second rant today will try and curb my tounge and thoughts