toddler seperation anxity from childminder

**namtasha** · 10-11-2008, 09:43 AM

Hi everyone,
Not been on for a while but having a bit of trouble with a little one i look after and wanted to pick your brains with how to deal with it.
B was 1 in aug this year and i look after him mon to fri 8 - 4 since he was 5 month. comes in fine each moring never had any tears when mum leaves but the trouble begins when mum goes.
eachh time i am out of sight even in pushchair or car he sobs, screams hystericlaay (sorry about my spelling)
tried to approach with mum but she says he never cries at home ????
help it is driving me mad, to the point where i am making myself ill worrying about the comming days full of crying,
at present i am ignoring the crying, not giving it any attention but doesnt seem to be working
thanks in advance girls

**sue m** · 10-11-2008, 09:52 AM

When I was working years ago as a cm, I found that most children went through this and happily it does pass. I only had to walk towards my playroom door and one would start to scream. I'm afraid I just put up with it, shouted from the kitchen that I was there and 'put' them so they could see me if possible. It's hard but I think you might find a lot of children do it at a certain age.

**Lou** · 10-11-2008, 10:20 AM

I agree with Sue.

I am going through something similar myself with an 11 month old at the moment.

Now i think about it, i have had it with most of mine but it is a stage and it will pass, and when it does you soon forget even though it seems dreadful at the time!!

LOOPYLISA · 10-11-2008, 10:24 AM

Just wanted to wish you luck x

**breezy** · 10-11-2008, 11:28 AM

Sue is right, they all seem to do this at some point and I've found when speaking about it with other minders that boys are worse, it does pass, but it's hard to get through. I cope by going out alot especially to toddler and childminder groups because otherwise it's soul destroying and lonely. Dont forget we're always here

**madasahatter** · 10-11-2008, 11:32 AM

I keep talking so that if they can't see me they can still hear me. I just say reassuring things like what I am doing, that I'll be back in a moment, do they want to join me?
It can seem strange talking through everything that you are doing.....
'I'm picking up the kettle and filling it with water from the tap and now I'm pressing the button. There it's on and now. I'm back to play.'
I'm just going to put this box of toys back on the shelf. Are you going to help me? No well I'm taking them into the hall. NOw they're back on the shelf and here I am back again!
I find it helps LO's get over their insecurity that you are going to leave them forever....LOL
It's definitely a stage that will pass.

**merry** · 10-11-2008, 01:11 PM

[QUOTE she says he never cries at home ????[/QUOTE]

I've heard that before, along with, 'they were fine this morning' when I ring to say your child is sick please come and collect them

Often Dad will be a bit more honest, and older brothers and sisters a lot more

**namtasha** · 10-11-2008, 01:23 PM

thanks fingers crossed then,
think i need to learnto relax a bit
feel awfull though at toddler group etci i take one off for a nappy change he has made himself sick crying when i come back
constantly justifying what i am doing to strangers

**Heaven Scent** · 10-11-2008, 01:54 PM

I was like this with M almost for a year some days its worse than others it was so bad at times that even if I went to move my chair at mealtimes he would scream his head off - the thing was he could wander off (or even run off) from me but if it appeared to him that I was going to leave him then all hell broke loose. He started with me 1 week before he turned 1. C who I've had since he was 4 mths old and comes on Thurs and Fri and is now 18 mths old started this a while ago and he is the same if he thinks for 1 second that i'm heading in the direction of the door he will bawl his little head off. I'm sorry to have to say but its a case of grin and bear it or walk around with them attached to you - I think it must have something to do with the fact that they are left by their parents and they just cannot bear the thought of us leaving them too. I have to say from what dad has said to me M spent the best part of the first year of his life crying and C spends 2 days per week with dad who just sits on the couch all day either with C in his arms or watching him play. So I don't think any of this helps my cause.